Of Dogs and Cats and the Grace of God

7 years ago last April, I adopted a feral dog. I was looking at getting a dog. I wanted a good sized dog to be a friend and companion. I wanted to teach it and care for it and take it on camping trips among other things. I had thought about the dog I wanted but I didn't find the dog I wanted. Then I was approached about taking a feral dog. I researched, studied, inquired and eventually I had a pup with tons of issues that would become about everything I thought I wanted and more.

The best advice in all my preparing was to form a bond with the dog; they are pack animals. They have a community sense about them and if they bond with you they will be loyal and loving pets. He's really been more like a hairy family member that doesn't speak but understands my language perfectly. I've found myself to be a 'dog person' beyond what I ever was. I took the responsibility seriously from the first. The problems were never what I would have imagined. The blessings are beyond what I could have hoped. God has taught me so much about me and about grace and redemption through this animal that I've bonded with.

13 years ago I took on a cat. I was always a cat person and had an affinity for yellow tabbies. Hobbes is a yellow tabby, but Hobbes has never been my cat. Hobbes is his own cat. Yes we feed him and give him a space to lay down comfortably. We make sure he has warmth in the bitter cold of winter and shade and water in the heat of summer. He's our cat -sort of.

Large numbers of neighbor cats frequent our yard. Most of them succumb to the barking and chasing of Willow and choose other terrain as soon as he enters the picture. Will seems to recognize our neighbor Barbara's cat and doesn't chase it much when it frequents the deck or other shady areas of our yard. The rest, he playfully chases away and then whines because they leave. I've been fairly content to discard my 'cat person' role for a 'dog person' role.

On the 13^th of June my daughter and grandson were over and we were playing on the hill when Willow alerted us that there was something to check out in the yard. On the deck was a small handful of fir and bones that was too weak to escape. My first thought was “I'm getting ready for camp, I don't have time for this.” The training and ethic I'd received from my father would not allow me to let it die without an effort. I bathed it, restrained it, fed it with a syringe and gradually nursed it from the critical stage before leaving it in the care of my grandson while I went to serve at fostercare camp. I kept telling myself I'd get it stable, have it neutered, and then probably put it up for adoption.

By the time I returned from camp, the kitten we would end up naming “Martigan” was gaining strength and becoming playful and inquisitive. I got his shots -along with antibiotic, some snooty reprimands about fleas and possible worms and a guesstimate of 12 weeks age. And no, the vet at the animal clinic didn't care that I had saved its life or how much better it was or that I had been trying to battle the fleas or that I'd had no where to send or take the kitten because of the city's lack of current animal control. I was told to call for a neutering appointment and snotted right out the door. I really didn't want to say it was my animal and my responsibility but I took responsibility anyway.

I can't use topicals because of my reaction to poisons, and I wasn't ready to get into the whole 'vet' commitment yet. I learned about capstar for fleas. So far that's been fairly successful. I called for that appointment and they assigned it to a date during our vacation. When I told them we wouldn't be back until the 17, the receptionist said “just call back when you return and we'll get him in.” I realized we could be getting into the range where a cat can begin adolescence, but there wasn't anything else to do.

We ended up taking him with us on vacation. With a few purchases and a great deal of planning, it worked okay. I became more and more committed to keeping the kitten. I began a general worming of the kitten and called to make his appointment after we returned. Somewhere in the doing, I began to call him “my cat”, while still feeling the uncertainty of the wisdom of such an acquisition, given my schedule and plans. About a week ago, amid developing aggression and ornery cat behavior, I began saying “I've got a CAT!” thinking more of the development of Hobbes than the development of Dusty -possibly the best cat I ever shared space with. I've begun to take charge. With cat's you never know, but I will give it an honest effort and the benefit of a doubt. I put him in a very containing pet carrier during 'sleep' hours. I put him in his play yard during times when I'm busy. I let him play when we are in the room as long as he doesn't get too wild. When he loses is ability to calm down, I put him away (pet carrier) for a few until his bounce has gone away.

A certain level of crazy is entertaining, beyond that, he is contained one way or another -for the time being. After his surgery, he will need contained for a week or so anyway. I figure this is good preparation for both of us. After that we'll play it by ear. I could feel guilty, but I refuse. I tell him often that I saved his life because it's who I am on the inside, but I won't let that ruin my life. Truth is, I can't guarantee that last statement. I've extended the gift of life and the grace that I had to give. I now have a cat for better or worse.

Willow taught me more about redemption than I ever expected. I learned a level of patience and expectant love with him. He learned love and loyalty pretty fast, though he may still struggle with obedience sometimes. It's easy to see God relationships with Willow. I wonder what I will say of Martigan in 5 or 7 years -if I live through this. The big difference in cats and dogs? Dogs have a conscience, even when they misbehave. Cats don't see anything they want to do as misbehavior. I feel that I am about to understand grace in a whole new way.

The Lesson of the Whistle

I have had many disruptions to my spiritual walk in the past year and a half.  Prior to that, God was teaching me about Psalm 91.  He showed me awesome spiritual principles and amazing instances of His grace and protection. I experienced the supernatural in some astounding ways.  Just when I thought I was getting a handle on this new/old truth, my health began a downward turn based on some choices I made, but definitely in a different experience than my spiritual growth had become accustomed to for a couple of years. 
 As I reconsidered what I knew from the post '11 physical breakdown and recovery, I began trying to deal with my new issues through diet and exercise. Early into this, while I was still in a weakened state, I was bitten by a black widow.  The next year didn't make any sense to me at all. I fought my way through it with a good amount of research and what discipline I could muster.  I did several full body cleanses -a fact which probably got me through it better than I would have otherwise.  My day to day life was a struggle of the body, willpower, reasoning and spirit.  My emotions didn't stand a chance.
 I don't really say this with any pride, but there were many times when I just lay on the couch and said "This can be over any time you're ready, God." It is not to say that there were no good things, no joy, no accomplishment, but life was a struggle and not just in the physical realm.  God was showing me awesome things in his word and teaching me awesome things through his world, but it was like God came to visit in the morning in my sunroom, but he didn't stay. He would meet me at church, speak wonder and then he was gone. I began disconnecting.  I felt estranged from the body as a whole. I felt I had lost sight of God and had lost all the ground I had covered in the previous spiritual push.
 My Bible studies were often rushed and interrupted.  My mind would not stay focused most of the time. My prayer life was one long strand of questions and complaints. During this time I was learning to stand-up in Christ and walk in faith - but it was not all inclusive and in some areas I struggled harder than I ever have. It was exhausting and defeating.
 After Christmas, we still had many celebratory events and visits for two months. Several times I told my husband that when February ended, I was going to do a body cleanse and build my strength and then I was going to take a sabbatical and get my head and spirit straightened out. I planned a date to take off from my classes and gave myself a slight itinerary with lots of freedom. My anticipation -the expectancy of setting me right in all areas so I could walk into the future with purpose, health and spiritual strength to make a difference in my world for the rest of this earth life-  was growing by the minute.
 The trip didn't happen. I was crushed and angry, hopeless and incensed at the same time. I wanted to disappear completely and never resurface. I felt whipped on every level. It wasn't that I thought God abandoned me. He spoke often but I felt detached most of the time. It wasn't like it had been where he was so present all day in all situations. There were times I could not sense his presence at all and I needed him so much. I already knew the cliches, the go-to verses.  I began to search for what I should be doing to get that closeness back. I began to force myself down previous paths. My efforts were redoubled. Surely God would see my effort and honor my need.
 By the time we planned our vacation, I was feeling desperate. I took my journal, my tablet, my Bible. I would find time to work it out.  I didn't. On the way home, I felt like there was no improvement to be had. 
 I've told the story more than once about how I gave all the kids whistles when we went camping and told them if they got separated to sit down where they were and blow their whistle because someone would be looking for them.  Most survivalists agree that when you know you're lost, get your self protected best you can, make yourself as noticeable as you can and stay where you are until someone finds you.  And I've mentioned in blogs how God a few years ago told me to get myself a whistle when I was feeling off the path.
 Yet it was a total surprise to me last Sunday morning when I began complaining about the distance I felt and how I had done everything I knew to do and was losing strength to hear God say "It's because you didn't understand the lesson of the whistle." 
 God is my Father. He knows where I am always. But what I realized that I should have known is that I can't get myself found.  My effort is lost. When the trail becomes muddled and I can't see my hiking group and especially my Father, I must sit still. I cry to him admitting that I'm off the trail, disconnected.  But it is His to find me, not mine to find Him. He promises to.  My efforts just increase my own frustration and lost feeling. He wastes nothing and He will be there when I sit. And He will bring me back to the secret place of the most high.

Sanctuary

Sanctuary- God has been speaking to me over the past month or so about sanctuary.Through that time he has added scripture and complexity to my thinking on the subject of Sanctuary.

The beginning of my study was Isaiah 8:10-11 Devise your strategy, but it will be thwarted; propose your plan, but it will not stand, for God is with us. The Lord spoke to me not to follow the way of this people. 13-14The Lord Almighty is the one you are to regard holy, He is the one you are to fear, He is the one you are to dread, and He will be sanctuary. There is more in this scripture, but I have included the verses he originally pointed me to concerning sanctuary. It has become one of my favorite passages. The take away is that we must only fear and dread separation or displeasure from our God. He is the one with all power and the right to redeem or condemn and He will be sanctuary! This was provided by Jesus' life, death and resurrection.

Now a moment about what I learned about sanctuary through the years: It is a place of refuge where a person who is subject to retribution -even to the point of death- may live without fear of vengeance or harm. As a visual to the believer, God set up cities where people who were under the curse of vengeance could live productive lives in freedom. God promises if we regard him as sovereign and holy, he will be that dwelling of safety forever.

I've always loved but felt unsure about Psalm 91 until I began to understand the principle of sanctuary taught in the old testament and fulfilled by Jesus in his life, death and resurrection. Verses 9-10 If you make the Most High your dwelling-even the Lord, who is my refuge (sanctuary)- then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. The description of safety and divine relationship throughout this Psalm is amazing. I feel these verses summarize it. If we make him our 'home' the plan of Satan, the curse of this world is broken.

In the sanctuary cities, a man who was subject to condemnation and retribution was safe as long as he remained there. If he decided to walk outside the city, he was subject to attack by his accusers. Psalm 91 begins “Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge (sanctuary) and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge (sanctuary).

Israel is God's chosen people by promise that he says he will not break, but it also is God's picture of rescue, redemption, deliverance and refuge. Deuteronomy 32:10-11 In a desert land he found him, in a barren and howling waste. He shielded him and cared for him; He guarded him as the apple of his eye, like an eagle that stirs up its nest and hovers over its young, that spreads it's wings to catch them and carries them on his pinions.

God finds us! He cares for us. He guards us. He carries us. If we fall, he spreads his wings to catch us. The New Testament says “While we were sinners, Christ died for us.” It is stressed again and again that salvation is of God. Faith is of God. Sanctuary is God. Our duty is to change our mind -repentance- to align it with the truth of God by the faith he has provided all mankind. As stated in the beginning, He is the only one to fear or dread and he is our Sanctuary!

Psalm 62:5-7 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation, and my honor depend on God; He is my rock and my refuge (sanctuary).

In Psalm 73 the writer is distressed by all the inequity and evil about him. “NO FAIR!” he cries, “I've lived right in vain.” Two things occur to me here. The psalmist had lost sight of redemption and provision as described in Psalm 91 and cast his heart and eyes to the world and it's system. Verse 1-3 Truly God is only good to Israel, even to those who are pure in heart. But as for me, my feet were almost gone, my steps had well nigh slipped. For I was envious of the foolish and arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked. I don't think God loses track of us when we walk out of Sanctuary, but I think we come under attack and are vulnerable to old ways of wanting and doing. But in verses 16-17 the psalmist tells us When I tried to understand all this it was oppressive to me till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny. A simple step back into sanctuary lets a person see the truth of God and covers him from the destruction of the enemy.

I must admit that this next thought is stirring in my spirit and head. It is not totally congealed. In 2 Samuel 3 we have the story of Abner. He was King Saul's companion, commander and body guard. He was a great military man and had the respect of all Israel. When Saul died, he remained loyal to his descendants until they abandoned him -possibly out of fear. He then joined David, who had served under him at one time. In the defeat of Saul, Joab's brother Asahel was chasing Abner to kill him. Abner asked him to stop and finally killed him. Joab vowed he would execute vengence. Abner went to Hebron -a sanctuary. There Joab could not touch him.

David accepted Abner and sent him out on a kingly mission. It occurred to me that under the Kings orders, Abner was able to walk the world in safety. But when he returned to Hebron, the mission was over. We pick up the story in verse 27 Now when Abner returned to Hebron (a sanctuary), Joab took him aside in the gateway, as though to speak with him privately. There, to avenge the blood of his brother Asahel, Joab stabbed him in the stomach and he died. Once the covering of Abner's mission ended, Joab had right of vengeance. So he stopped him on the way into the city, convinced him to step aside and killed him. Without that step Abner would have been under the protection of the sanctuary. Later, David referred to Joab's act as 'murder' and he instructed his heir about clearing the kindom of his offence.

Verses 33-34 The King sang this lament for Abner: Should Abner have died as the lawless die? Your hands were not bound, your feet were not fettered. Some translation say should Abner have died as a fool dies? When we walk in this world, we are subject to harm. I don't understand all of this yet, but the Spirit is teaching me. As long as Abner was serving the King, he was covered by the principle of sanctuary. When he stepped back out of the gate in response to Joab, he was subject to the law or retribution. He was not captured and dragged out. Our enemy has stealth, but we must always remember, he has our destruction as his goal.

God takes our new lives in him very personal. Isaiah 46: 4-5 Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He, I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. “With whom will you compare me or count me equal? To whom will you liken me that we may be compared?” The protection of Psalm 91, Isaiah 8, Psalm 62 is real. It is for those who enter into Him in covenant by faith and the alignment of our minds with his Truth and grace (repentance). We escape the curse pronounced to Adam by his choice of Satan's logic. We live in a state of sanctuary. But our enemy waits to convince us that there is something important and fulfilling outside. Stepping out of his coverage by realigning with carnal thinking puts us under enemy fire. Yet protection is one thought away. It is much to think on and apply through faith -not carnal wisdom.

Stop, Drop, Roll

On Sunday morning, June 23, God wakened me with the words stop, drop and roll. I thought it curious because my mind went to a silly movie where the evasive military tactic was exaggerated comically. But as cognizance grew in those early hours I began to search my spirit for what the Spirit was saying.

God instructed me to STOP having my own opinion. I've always told people, only half joking, that I can only have my own viewpoint or opinion, for if I change it, it will still be my opinion. Yet sometime back God assured me that He does not have an opinion, He is truth. But I have an opinion about everything, so I have an opinion about God's purpose and plan in my life. I understand that human reasoning is deceitful at best. It is based on so many things that are half true or not true. I was reminded that the Holy Spirit is here to lead us into all truth. The word “repent” means to change your mind. In Bible context, it refers to realigning our thinking to God in agreement with His truth. So my first action should be to stop the thoughts that disagree with God's Word both written down and Spirit Breathed, to stop every opinion that originates in mankind's wisdom and reason and submit wholly to the truth and plan of my God. He's been taking me there for years but now he is teaching me a tactic for warfare in my own flesh.

As I contemplated the second command -DROP- the Spirit reminded me of an incident with my father when I was a young teen. My dad was a God appointed evangelist though he never claimed to be such. He didn't preach great campaigns. He did speak regularly in prisons, jails, nursing homes and sometimes churches. But he told people everywhere he went the story of his own redemption and about the love and grace that God offers to give mankind new life and relationship with God for eternity. He was constantly mentoring someone toward the Father.

One night we invited a family over to dinner. Dad had been witnessing to the man about salvation. But in the course of the evening, the man pointed to a deck of cards on a buffet in our home and said “As long as you have those, don't tell me about how God has changed your life.” My dad picked up the deck of cards. Put them on the front porch in a metal pan and lit them on fire. He said that while he didn't see it as sin to play cards in his own home, for one person to spend eternity in hell for his right to play cards was unthinkable. I don't know if the man ever came to Christ, but I know dad didn't replace the cards.

I'm not saying that Christians should spend their time man-pleasing or be wishy-washy about their belief in right and wrong but there are things that hinder us in accomplishing God's plan for our lives. I can justify anything with enough carnal reasoning but what is the cost if God is saying “drop it”. Paul said “I'll be all things to all men that I might win some.” It was his mission, his calling, his purpose. I don't believe we have to follow man's plan or man's idea of morality. Carnal righteousness is useless. But we must follow the Holy Spirit if we would enter into God's plan in God's power.

“Let's ROLL!” I had not thought of it for years. Sunday morning, God brought it to my mind. The passengers on that doomed flight 9-11-01 saw the enemy's tactic. They formed a plan and then they said “Let's roll” knowing they were giving their lives to defeat the enemy's plan and save others. We can argue that they were going to die anyway, but the truth is they were brave enough to act on what they knew. Few of us will give our last breath to crash the enemy's plan, but God has a place for each of us to stand effectively in the Kingdom. God's goal is the redemption of man and the coronation of Jesus and we each have a place in accomplishing that. God will succeed with or without our part. But what a cost to give it up for opinion, distraction, insecurity, or fear.

I get sidelined by the flesh, by desires and opinions. The enemy's accusations cause me insecurity The world -sometimes even the community of believers- brings distractions. At times, the battle seems so huge and there are so many things to fear in the natural. In Isaiah 8, the prophet says “Prepare for battle and be shattered! Devise your strategy, but it wile be thwarted; propose your plan, but it will not stand, for God is with us.” He assures us that only God is to be feared and He is our sanctuary. What a statement!

When the battle comes at me or when I see that I've stepped aside into the line of Satan's fire, I have a plan that is both evasive and aggressive: STOP, DROP and ROLL. Let's do this.

I Survived

I survived! Now it's time to process and regroup.  So many changes, beginnings, endings that my heart and mind don't really know where to begin. My body is tired.  My world is messy. My soul is sad. My spirit is hopeful. 

Reclaiming my Past.

First there was 360. It was such an interactive, fun, social site. I was new to the blogging scene and since I've always had a love of writing, I jumped right in.  I made friends from around the world - people who loved art, writing and discussing everything from education to religion. I was a babe and I grew fast. I was amazed at how much I learned to care for these virtual friends and look forward to their adventures and replies to mine. One day 360 told us all we had to move our interaction elsewhere and gave us a chance to transport our postings once we decided on a new social home.  
The bulk of us moved our stuff to a service call Multiply in the fall of 2007.  I always intended to weed through the stuff I had moved, but life went on and so did the socializing. It was a reasonable fit, though different from 360 and since our friends moved with us, we were happy enough to endure the changes in format and barely skipped a blogger's beat. 
I was introduced to writers, educators, and artist in so many disciplines. My love of photography found inspiration, challenge and support as well. Some of us worked together to establish an online creative arts gallery. There were writing contests and recipe collections and then there was the nightly chat sessions with fantastic interaction between groups of friends.
Then in 2012 Multiply closed it's virtual doors to social interaction. With the warning, we all began looking for the best new home for our virtual friendships and online interaction.  As the shut-down came, we all stood on the www shore and waved good-bye as people wandered off into their 'brave new virtual experience.' Some chose one venue and some chose another. Most found nothing that compared to 360 or Multiply. Several split their online interaction between creative venues like Word Press and Blogger from Google and the shallower, lighthearted and quirky My Space and Facebook.  Some wandered off to establish themselves away from the crowd promising to look in now and then.
I imported my stuff to Blogger and Google+ and established a presence on Facebook.  It's been an okay venture, but I've lost touch with many of the virtual friends I made who had become such a strong part of my real existence.  I began sorting and converting my blogs and albums from Multiply in the two serious venues.  But as things go, not much really got done before I resumed activity with a promise to get back to it- a promise un-kept.
Then the shut down of Google+ social pages was announced. I frantically transferred any pictures to my computer and any unsaved musings and poetry to my blogger. I was left with over 800 imported but not converted files in all. I'm working on it! 
That said, I may reference an old post now and then.  It's been enlightening and nostalgic converting the old files. I have well less than 10 pages left to convert.  Full of fun; full of memories; full of living.

Typical

So typical of me.

I decided about two years ago that I wanted to get a tablet so that I could take along pictures that my mother could actually see and enjoy. Also, I hoped that she could share some face time with people who could not go see her. Then I got to thinking it would be a great thing for trips and such to organize pictures, keep my journal and also as a reader. It all seemed like a great idea.

Recently I started looking at one with a keyboard case and usb port and felt like it might even be a good substitute to taking my big computer to camp. The more I read the more I became convinced that a tablet would be a fantastic solution in so many ways. So I bought myself a tablet.

When I ordered it, I saw it in a whole different way than what I had originally envisioned. Like I do with everything, I began to assign way too much ability and importance and expectation to this little piece of equipment. The truth of the matter is it's a nice little tablet. It will make a great reader, and journaling will be much easier than it is on my phone. There are some bugs to work out. First of all I've got to learn to sync the tablet and my hot box.

There are also some expectations to drop. My phone actually takes much better pictures and video than the tablet, though neither of those approaches my digital camera for clarity and depth. Yet the camera is not so versatile when it comes to posting in a venue like Facebook. The files are way too big and they take too long to convert even with the media conversion tool. Also, once Facebook begins reducing them, a lot of that awesome quality is left behind.

Nothing has really changed from what it was a couple weeks ago. I still want a tripod to hold my phone so that I can do some live videos to help people with various kinds of art. I'm hoping whatever I get is quite versatile, as I now have three pieces of equipment that could use stability in picture taking and I like the idea of a remote fire.

I would like a case for the tablet with a keyboard. I like voice to text some for putting my ideas down, but I need a keyboard for cleaning them up and it would be so much easier than using voice to text and then sending it to the computer to clean it up and post it.

Once again I've come full circle. The tablet is simply a tablet, not a superhero. The phone is still a phone - perhaps even more so now that I have a tablet. The camera gives me wonderful creative liberty. And I haven't solved one single serious, earth-shaking, universal problem!