It's been alright and it's going to be alright.
Mom has been in a pretty bad mood. She woke yesterday after shutting herself in her room for about 14 hrs and ask me to take her home. When I said I could not, she fabricated a story. After thinking about it I'm pretty sure it was fabricated, but I could not take her home, regardless. I'm sorry, but I will take her home on Monday morning. I wish I had considered it better before I spent the money trying to 'help' her with something she didn't need or want help with.
She didn't like the kids, she didn't really like the adults, she didn't like our movies and she didn't really like me. Oh well. What I get is all I get and I will enjoy as much as possible. I do understand her issues and I am sympathetic but I'm not God and I'm not changing the whole holiday for her anger issues.
My family left this morning for a jog to the north before they head back to North Carolina. It was so good to play peek-a boo with Emma and watch her live in my world for a couple of days. It was good to see the grown up Megan and Taylor and the expanding Caleb and to laugh and hug and talk and listen. It was good to have Jonea and Jeff and Amanda in my home and life for the short short time. It is what it was. It is now a sweet part of my memory.
So today is a new day. Maybe it will be more 'adult' in character. Maybe my mom can show Olivia how to crochet without interruption of her thought process. Maybe Olivia will be sweet and thankful and attentive to her every word. Noone will make noise during Jeopardy -well, Jeopardy isn't on on Saturday anyway. Maybe she'll forget to tell the stories that make me want to scream and barf, but probably not. I've come to the conclusion that I only have this time and if it is wasted in tention and disappointment, it is still all I am given. So I will smile as much as my face and heart can stand, monopolize the conversation when one of those 'stories' come up, and encourage my g-girl to sit still as long as she can and then excuse herself politely for a bit.
For my mom, the room is darkening, the music is muffled, and the heart is in introspect. The days are short, confused, and filled with little purpose and long naps.
For you, I hope this New Years Eve is a wonderful time of recollection and projection. I hope every string is tied and trimmed in your life so that the New Year has every possible blessing during it's days.
I'm in a bit of pain this morning. We went to see the lights and ride the train last night. It was in the 40s and we had a good time. Not long after we arrived, I was doing a little dance skip thing with my grandgirl on the way to the train and I was interrupted by an exhuberant root that wanted to play. I found myself sprawled out in colored light and christmas music on the dirt. It didn't really feel like I'd hurt myself at that moment, but by the time we made it around the park by train and by foot, I was hurting a good amount. My shoulder is killing me this morning. It's a spot noone has ever been able to analyze, but it happened the night of the car wreck in '96 and comes back to remind me when I do something like I did last night.
The pain made me a little silly - I had another choice but chose silly - and my Megan and Taylor found ourselves making jokes about various stupid things. We decided it was 'lame' humor and walked a little funny and such for a little. -Hey it was a good choice.
I have almost as much food in my fridge as we've eaten the past week!! Ah! Leftovers!
There are a few presents still resting about my tree waiting to be discovered by family I've not yet seen. Emma is try to discover them a little sooner.
Having mom and Emma in the same house together for a week has been a challenge. I would not change a thing. Mom has bossed and griped and pouted. I've made sure that she had Jeopardy and we have worked twice on a new painting. We built a step so she can get down to the studio. Emma has been fun. She's 18 months old, so she fusses some, she doesn't always want to come down for a nap, and she scatters various things about my house as soon as I pick them up. I've loved every ounce of it. In either case, it's what I have and I will enjoy as much as possible. Amanda and Emma will leave us tomorrow morning; I will take mom home on Monday. It's what I get. Perhaps it would have been better if Amanda and Emma had the closer bathroom a little more functional. Perhaps a quieter house would have pleased my mom. But I don't get to choose times and durations and this has been a 'Joy to the World' sort of week for me regardless.
We made a little bed room out of my music space for Olivia which we fold up during the day for ambience. She was a little concerned at what I was doing in the beginning, but she accepted it and has been so sweet, helpful and good natured about it all. Perhaps the gramma, grampa, Livia thing should have been a 3some, but it wasn't. I will miss her when she goes back home. As with the others, it is what we have that counts.
I woke early, had some coffee and watched an amazing sunrise of reds and gold. It's the promise of a bright new day. Peace and blessing, my friends.
It has been a quiet soft day. I woke early after a night of very poor sleep. I didn't drink enough water yesterday and had muscle cramps all night. We went to church -yes on Christmas, imagine that- and then I came home and fixed a Christmas dinner of roasted chicken and dressing, sweet potatoes, noodles and salad. It was all very satisfying and we are still stuffed. Mom watched Lawrence Welk on PBS and then we went out to see Christmas lights with her. She got tired very quick and all we really got to show her was the Garrison Ave. area and Creekmore Park before she was ready to come home. I'm looking forward to seeing more family and friends during this awesome season of Celebration of the Gift of God. Be blessed.
Peace on Earth,
Blessings Galore,
JOY, JOY, JOY
in our Father and Lord.
We had a lot of fun and wrapping paper and pizza. It was a good night. We missed those who weren't able to be here but felt very blessed by those who were. I hope you all have a Wonderful, Love-filled, Shiny, Satisfied kind of Christmas Day.
having a difficult time writing right now. so much in my mind, it's hard to process anything. hopefully it will level out soon. blessings.
I took this from a FB friend.
-On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to meeee, 12 dudes I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 kinky topics, 9 friend requests, 8 friends complainin, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, 555555555555 Drama Queensssss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends-a-pokin, and a creep who won't stop inboxing meeee.
As a whole, I don't appreciate advertising. The main goal is to trick us into perpetual dissatisfaction when the joy of the LORD should be our strength. But there is a new ad that I like. It's the mastercard ad about the hand carved toy. "Watching her have more fun with the empty box than the toy - priceless." That's a Christmas message we missed somewhere, I think. Though every mother's heart has melted over that very spot. I'm not really suggesting that we give all the kids a giant empty box for Christmas, but maybe it's a start at rethinking where we've come to in this celebration of the birth of Christ.
Last night I was watching another sappy holiday movie on the Hallmark chanel. There are only about 3 themes in the huge array of movies, but there is one common theme among them: lonely troubled people finding renewed purpose and acceptance among other lonely troubled people. As much as I chide, last night I was blessed by a verse I know well. 'The Lord sets the solitary in families.' That is the basic concept isn't it. For all our doing and getting and running and fussing, there is a little bit of wonder and magic to the way our lives are woven while we live them.
Yesterday, a few friends joined me to surprise my beloved with a celebration of his 61 years of living. I was flustered by my lack of ability and unreadiness though I worked very hard to make it so. In the end, the not quite polished, not quite finished, not quite decorated state of my home didn't really matter. What mattered was the love that we shared during that span of time while we joked and ate and yelled a quick 'Happy Birthday' while he walked in. What mattered was the belonging we felt when we hugged each other goodbye and knew that it was a temporary thing - regardless of what comes next in our lives. Impressing them wasn't really as important as that hug.
Priceless.
I'm moving and using my arm!! Lots to do before Sunday, but I'm able to do some. Thanks for your prayers. (No I'm not going to do too much. - hopefully!) I've got a little cold - raspy and congested, but not down. It' a gorgeous day - a little frigid, but gorgeous. Blessings!
It was a few days till Christmas and we had no decorations. We had no tree. The little apartment my daughter and I lived in was waiting for Christmas to be invited in. A friend had some cedar trees on his property that he was willing to have cut, so my daughter and I made our way out there to walk about and choose a specimen for our holiday. I wanted a small tree, not that our sparse furnishings would be imposed upon, but because I had no decorations and very little money. In the end, my daughter won out and we were blessed with a floor to ceiling tree to supply our home with some Christmas spirit. It was time for creative thinking.
I bought a couple of strings of mini lights and some tinsel icicles. I picked up a couple of bags of red and green starlight mints, some ornament hangers and a package with several small boxes of matches. We popped and threaded popcorn. My mom had taught me to make chain out of tinfoil and we added that for some sparkle. We emptied the match boxes into a sandwich bag and wrapped them in Christmas paper, tied bows on them and hung them about the tree. Then we put the starlight mints on ornament hangers and dispersed them as evenly as we could. I made a few curly ribbon bows and hung them around. It wasn't a fancy tree, but with the lights glowing and the tinsel hanging about allowing popcorn, candy, foil and little bitty presents to peek through, it brought a festive feeling to the season in our home.
As I look back, I know it was a difficult time, especially for my little trouper who was used to so much more at Christmas. But we stood with each other and loved and shared what we had. Thanks to a very kind benevolent man who would one day join us as a household of 3, she got most of her requests that year. Not all, but most.
We drove to my mom and dad's for Christmas Day. A heavy snow provided for a rosy cheeked, giggling treck to check out the sled. The drive home over hilly, frozen roads with added snow was a bit frightening for mom, but it was a must have for that sweet meager Christmas so many years ago. Somehow, looking at the child sleeping confidently in the back seat, I knew that the much we shared made the little we had insignificant.
I slept late today. I wasn't feeling very good last night and was up and down a lot before I finally got to where I could rest. The pain isn't constant in my arm anymore, but it is still quite weak and certain movements make it scream at me a little. I have several things I'd like to accomplish, but don't know just how much I will actually be able to do. I drove to the church and back last night, though it wasn't without difficulty. I shall try to drive out to gather some things I need for projects and such. The dusting of snow I awakened to is all gone, though it has been a quite cold day so far. They are forcasting another dusting later. I still have panels to put in place on my studio porch and need to weatherize my sunroom. And there is the decoration for Christmas that is wanting to be done.I hope you have a good if somewhat cold day, that your coffee is hot and tasty (as mine is) and that you find blessing in what you do.
The past few days have been a whirlwind of pain and pleasure. On Friday morning I hurried about trying to get a couple of things done and my studio cleaned for the day of teaching and I did something that just didn't feel okay. Not sure even what it was now, but I remember the twinge of pain and thinking that didn't feel right. But Friday night I was in quite a bit of pain and it has steadily grown since that time to almost a disabling state. I have been praying for release and relief. It does seem to be improving a little this morning, though typing this is a little painful in itself.Jackie gave me some topical reliever and I have some arthritis rub. I've taken tylenol some.We had Liv for the weekend and that was a sweet blessing. She helped me with cooking and house cleaning. She's such a little woman!!The Woodall family Christmas party was sweet and the weekend was capped with a visit from my daughter and her intended. It was nice to share the time.This morning I've been working about the house. I feel like a one armed man. I understand why he would kill someone. I have no one I wish to kill. But I think it might help justify the pain somehow!! I have much to accomplish this day. I hope I can get a little of it done without any major disasters. Be blessed my friends. I am in spite of all my gripabilities.
She talked and sang all the way home. She helped me make raspberry cheese cake to take to the party tonight and we popped popcorn in a hot air popper. She'd never seen one of those and was amazed that you could make popcorn without a little bag in a microwave. She licked the butter flavored popcorn salt from the side of the bowl. We laughed a lot. Jammied and houseshoed, she wrapped up in a blanket while I started a movie while the cheesecake baked. She was asleep before the movie began. We carried her off to bed with a hug and goodnight kiss. She slips so easily into our world and lives.
