Once more then

It is a cold drippy day after a storm filled night.  I found myself standing in the hallway last night watching the radar on the TV, the interior bathroom without windows only steps away, a sleeping bag draped about my shoulders.  I listened and watched.  My husband had stopped at a shelter halfway home from work as the sirens erupted.  We talked some.  My daughter, miles away, was calling and cautioning me to get someplace safe.  Once again, we were shown mercy as the storms split and detensified while over the city.  Once past us, they rejoined and intensified.  It was an odd thing as I prayed for the towns in the path of this monster cell with 3 rotating sections and huge hail.  Today has been rainy but quiet.
This morning I read in Jeremiah 36.  God told Jeremiah to put on a scroll everything he had previously told the people and have Baruch read it to the people (Jeremiah was banned from the temple or palace) so that they had another chance to repent and change which would avert the horrid judgement coming.  When the scroll was read, the people fasted, the leaders were terrified.  They told  Baruch to get Jeremiah and go hide because they had to tell the king.  The king had them read it and as they read, he tore it apart and burned it before them.  I have this really horrid image of the king showing them that he was not afraid of the prophet's words.  It says God hid Baruch and Jeremiah.  But then they were instructed to prepare another scroll and take it to the temple as a witness.  How hard would that be?  They gave it to people who took it to people who put it in the temple.
The message I got was one of hope and yet sadness.  God wanted to give them another opportunity to make the wrong right.  He wanted the chance to show mercy one more time.  I knew that in my life if I will follow my God he will show mercy and grace.  If my family will follow he will show the same.  It may not look like what we think, but it will be amazing.  Yet if we refuse and burn the book, judgement is all that is left.  It gives me hope and stirs my heart.  Some will listen, some will not.
A while back, it occurred to me that God has a perfect will.  Period.  There is no permissive will as I was told years ago.  It's not in the Bible, sorry.  God lets people choose and they can choose to step out of his will.  There are always consequences to that.  The consequence to believing in a permissive will of God is that we feel disobedience is not that bad and we are encouraged to sin.  One day we look at life and say "How did I get here?"  It's a slow fade alright, but it's not by God's other design.
God has a plan.  Not an alternative plan but a plan.  It is based on perfect knowledge and perfect love.  He doesn't have to revamp it because we messed the first one up.  I used to think that too. But that's not in there either.  God is not changed or surprised when we fall short or sin.  He offers forgiveness and mercy in response to faith and repentance.  His plan is still on track for our lives.  It is personal and perfect throughout life.  It does not depend on who we are and it does not ignore who we are.  The gifts and calling of God are not subject to retracting.  He is God.  It's time to see and accept his plan and his will.  It may not look like your will or your expectation, but it is incredible and perfect.
Now if I can own this knowledge!  Blessings, friends.

Perplexing

It is a cold dreary morning.  I've been quiet and lazy.  My mind is so full of questions that, as yet, have no answers.
Olivia spent Saturday and Sunday with us.  I took her dress shopping and she picked a practical cotton sun dress over the fancy shiny ones.  She thought it would be more comfortable and she could wear it this summer.  Can't argue with her logic.
Yesterday was a blessed day.  Saturday my daughter called and invited us to dinner.  I told her that Louis gets back kind of late from taking people home from Church and that we had planned to hide eggs for Olivia.  So finally we decided that they would bring all the food that she had prepared for a family dinner to our house along with my 21 year old granddaughter and the 22 year old grandson with his wife.  If it was nice at all we'd eat on the deck and hide eggs on the hill.  If it was rainy -big chance- we'd do it inside.
It was still raining lightly after church.  Olivia and I put the extention in the table and got it ready to set for 8.  My daughter arrived with a load of food and we sat down to a good meal with lots of laughter and sweetness.  It was nice.
By the time dinner was over, the rain had stopped and my husband and son-in-law helped me hide well over a hundred eggs -maybe over 150, I didn't count them- in the back yard, on the deck and on the hill.  That was a lot of eggs for 3 people to hide!
The kids -young and older- had a lot of fun finding them.  My grandchildren are pretty competitive.  My granddaughter-in-law helped the 6 year old quite a bit.  Then we sat and visited for a time on my bench set, before the rain began again.  It was good and supplied some needed laughter and diversion.
We talked only briefly of the problems surmounting in our own private world.  My heart is still quite disturbed.  It disquiets my spirit and my sleep.  I am legarthic and when I get up to work at something, I find I am a ping pong ball, bouncing here and there with little resolution for my needy environment.  When I pray, I have no clue.  Over and over I ask for redemption and restoration, but I'm not sure what that will take at this point.  I pray for grace and mercy.  Truth and wisdom seem so illusive.
Last night Louis and I watched the dove awards and a family drama on GMC.  It was a fitful night and the day still rains and rumbles.  My pool runneth over (the filter basket anyway)  I've had to pump it and need to again, but for that it must stop raining and rumbling.
My belief is that God is faithful and loving.  He is wise and true.  My faith is that he is the only one who can bring restoration to our family and he will do it when people trust and stop trying to engineer the best human solution.  That may be a ways off.  But I shall look for it in faith.  He is my hope and future.  Resurrection is in his character.
Be blessed on this soppy, soaky, Monday.

A good trade

On Thursday morning, so many things crashed in about me.  I was ready to cry anyway and a couple of phone calls just broke the levee. My humanness crowded and flowed out with the flood of tears as a flood carries cars and trees and even houses in its rush.  I found myself sitting in front of the camera on my computer.  I started trying to sing a song I could not find on youtube.  After a line or two I was overwhelmed and could not continue. Slowly, painstakingly I told a horrendous story of my own pain and contamination to the camera, some things I've never spoken before but have been trying to process for a couple of years.
When the air was out of my balloon, I sobbed for a bit and chose to delete the video.  Then I found the cd with the song I'd been trying to find on youtube and began pulling positive images that encourage my heart off my picture files to create a slideshow of my own.  When I had the compilation, I was amazed by my own effort. There are stories of redemption and restoration throughout the video.  There are great pockets of hope and goodness that only God could have engineered. The statement "It's what I know.." is an affirmation that sometimes things change, some things break, some things are taken away, but their presence in my life has made me who I am and the memories encourage and give me hope.
Tomorrow, life may change again.  One day it will be gone.  But I know that God's love and grace has given again and again in this life, will bring me through anything in my future and will, one day, take me into an eternal existence that lacks this pain and confusion.
For anyone who doesn't know, the video is simply a family album with a pretty song attached.  It may not even make sense why those images are with that music.  But if you know and think about it, you will understand.  It is grace that brought me here; it is grace that will take me onward.
It was a good trade for the collection of pain and defeat that I assembled the first time.

Of Pain and Redemption

This is the mid point in a week of upheaval.  My personal prayers are for grace and mercy.  Then I find myself praying for truth and wisdom to come forward and heal us all.  Then again that grace and mercy will overtake the situations that have made this week a heart breaking, breath stopping, mind boggling, tear jerker.
The first time I saw Jessica she was maybe 2 or 3: a darkhaired, quiet voiced, sparkling eyed beauty.  She became my daughter's girl, a sweetie, well behaved, soft spoken.  Then the armpit of life, the assault on humanity known as puberty, attacked her. On the outside nothing really changed, but on the inside, she became 14.  Now she's trying to right every injustice she's ever felt or assumed - I am not downgrading anything she may have gone through - in her 14 years by attacking her family.  Only time and God will know the extent of healing truth or rampant damage brought forward this week.  My heart breaks.  There are some accusations that I will assume are false unless I am forced to believe them.  Only one thing I know of would make me believe them.
Another daughter had to serve truth to her own pain and the pain of her offspring.  She has cried a lot because it resulted in the knowledge that what seemed fixed is still broken.  I hurt for her but believe that truth is the only thing that can bring them to redemption.
Another daughter is learning to stand ripped and torn and say to her humbled, ruined world "ENOUGH!"  It is time for the pain to end and reason to reign in her life.  It is time for truth and redemtion to take over and make sense of her patience and anguish.  It is time for her gift of supernatural tenacity to change course.  She has been warned that ahead is a long road full of danger, disappointment and discouragement, that she has much yet to suffer.  Yet it is not a road totally devoid of hope or help and it is the road she must travel to have the chance at recovering.
In my heart I survey the devastated terrain about me and cry out "Grace and Mercy! Truth and Justice!  Come Father with hope and strength for the day.  Arise with healing in your wings."
Not everything in the week has been bad.  The mama rabbit took her babies and indignantly vacated my garden showing utter disrespect for the yert built by my husband over their tiny rabbit nest and the four unseeing babes!  Yay.  My cucumbers are planted.
We celebrated my granddaughter's fifth birthday with shopping, cake and ice cream, and a fun little photo shoot that she really ate up.  Her 21 year old sister came by with a present and wishes and had breakfast with us and though she was saddened and weary from the family ordeal, she blessed us greatly.
Many friends have gathered before my God to pray for my family and their situations.  I am so greatful for their persistence and care.
So this is another day with it's coffee and sunrise.  It begins cool, but with promise.  It holds further questions and I am sure trials.  I stand before my Father and cry "Grace and Mercy for this day then.  Bring truth and restore our strength for the day.  Redeem us O LORD."
Dear friends, be blessed and be a blessing today.  It belongs to God after all.

Tired

I'm in a state of extreme tired! It was a weird day. I scalped the ground between my vine bed and the large flower bed and made a dry creekbed with stepping stones. I hauled so many buckets of large gravel.  Liv helped me with the rock hauling.  She's such a worker.  Kenlei was a observer, commentator.  I'm almost done, but not quite: two to three feet to go.  I'll post a picture when it's done.
I started to prepare for the cucumbers in my veggie garden and unearthed a nest of baby bunnies with the rake. I didn't kill any, but I fear that even though we did our best to cover them back up and all, that they will be discovered by other critters. We never did see the mama. I'm going to check on them tomorrow and if they are alive and she's not with them, I guess I'll try to figure out what I can do.  I really felt awful.  The girls were working with me. At first I thought it was a field mouse, but then saw it was a baby bunny and others were trying to wriggle out of the hole as well.  They don't have their eyes open yet, but they do have plenty of fur.  There are at least 4 of them.
We had a cook out tonight and I had quite a bit of bonfire wood already cut, but cut up more.  It was fun and lovely.  Louis cut several huge limbs off the neighbor's tree for her.  Good oak firewood for next year.  Lots more bonfire material and probably some mulch there.  After the cookout, we came in and watched the Frog and the Princess.  Sigh.  The girls went to sleep.  They were wiped out as well.
Liv got a splinter in her foot this afternoon after several "put your shoes on" warnings.  It was large and I was able to cut the top skin and pull it out.  Her grandpa had to hold her while I worked and keep her mind off it.  She said it didn't hurt when I took it out, but it might in the morning.  I'll doctor it for her.  Kenlei got three or four tiny ones. I got all but one out.  It wasn't so big so it probably hurt a little worse taking it out, but she's a trouper.
It's been fun having them both, but it's a little more work as well.  They are terrific girls.  I was going to give them showers when they got done with the movie and also promised some hot chocolate after the cool cookout, but the sleep monster got them first.  They were up early and played very hard all day.  I'll have to wake them early to get breakfast, baths and beauty finished in time for church. 
I hope Sunday is good for you.  Blessings.

Sweet in the morning

Woke early, made coffee and cleaned a little in preparation for the day. The time with my mom was good but short. The girls woke early and after I finished with mom, we made homemade blueberry muffins and cream of wheat. It was YUMMY. It's cool but sunny and I hope to get the gardens resolved as far as possible. Blessings.

A Cool Day - double entendre.

It's a chilly morning. Sunrise was lovely with horizon shades of pink, flesh and pale orange fading to a cobalt sky. The day started out totally clear with nothing even on the radar. By 9 it was cloudy.
We got a lot of rain. The pool had to be pumped out a little because it was running out the skimmer bucket. The wheelbarrow had about 5 inches in it. So we probably got at least 3.5 to 4. The water in the pool felt warm but that was in comparison to the cold air I'm sure. Working with that - bringing the water level down and shocking - was a very cold process.
It's supposed to be cold tonight - low 40s. I haven't moved my tropicals out of the sunroom yet, so it shouldn't be a problem. We didn't get hail and the plants I moved into the vegetable garden yesterday seem quite content with the whole arrangement.
I had a cancellation this morning, so I will leave a little early to go pick up Olivia for the weekend. The morning reading was about promises to trust when things are going 'crazy' in your life, about never-ending love along side personal responsibility. The prayer time was full but sweet with a small curious on-looker.
When she got up, she asked me if we were going to Brahms because we didn't go yesterday like I said we would. I told her yes and explained how the day would go. She thought a minute or two and said "We have 6 things to do: Feed the fish, go to Brahms, eat breakfast, teach your lessons, pick-up Olivia, and teach some more classes." That's about it with several side jobs thrown in for efficiency and comfort.
Hope your house is dry and safe, your coffee is hot and your day is a blessing.

As a man thinketh in his heart, . . . . .

What is it makes me think that I can do it?

“I can” has often wreaked its havoc on my world.

With lofty eyes I put my hand to it

Then oft’ times into turmoil I am hurled

Along with others who may live to rue it.

Why am I prone to think that I will manage

What those who stand much more informed and fitted scorn

Exuberantly I strike out from my vantage

And soon I find I’m weary, bruised and torn

And struggling my hardest fears to banish.

And though perhaps ‘tis ignorance I follow

And other’s eyes and hands are truer than my own.

Adversity becomes my candle’s tallow

The heavy challenge does my spirit hone;

Without which my existence would be hollow.

DWoodall 2006

It's very hard for me to realize 'I can't' in any venue.  Build a room?  Sure.  Develop a studio?  Why not.  Make a waterfall on a hill full of shale and clay?  Piece of cake. 
A couple of problems arise.   When I involve others in my dreaming, they don't always want to do what I dream and most of them aren't really tied to "I can' as I am.  I cannot control that factor at all.  So I begin to understand that I will bless any help I get and figure on doing the bulk solo.  This problem gives me some concern and limits my dreams a little.
There was a time in my existence when I didn't really tire until the job was done.  Yeah, I got tired, but the job itself was energy.  Yet, of late, I find this body doesn't respond to the energy of the job as once it did.
Recently I build a retaining wall on the west side of my upper deck.  Now it's all finished with herbs and flowers planted in two of the three planters created by that process.  The third planter is ready for its flowers.  It's all good - yet the first two days of that project I worked relentlessly.  I had a wounded ankle and so relied on the good leg to power load after load of blocks up the steps of the deck.  And bucket after bucket of dirt came down because at the same time, I was leveling my rock patio for new firepit furniture.  By the time I gave in to weary, I had truly wounded the 'good' leg and I spent over a week getting past that.
Exuberance plans and the old woman never questions the wisdom of Exuberance until the job is underway.  Any satisfaction enjoyed from my effort seems to feed that puppy, even if I know in my whole being that it will grow to be a biting dog.  I know I will continue to plan and to try.  It is in my very DNA to do so, but Reason must also have a voice.  The problem seems to be that Reason speaks softer than Exuberance.

Ya got work to do.

It's 80 degrees at 11:30 after a day in the mid 90s.  I sat out for a bit in the cool evening breeze and looked at the hazy sky with it's brightest starts peaking at me.  The moon was all but set and I think that was completed while I gazed at the heavens.  The neighbors huge orange light is obnoxious, but it is a fact of life.  We plan ways to undo it's effect, but for now it glows all over our night.
The soft torches illuminated today's labor.  Having finished my prep work on the raised beds behind my deck, today I planted two of them.  The herbs that have delighted my sunroom for the winter are once again outdoor plants.  A few seeds have been put into small peat pots which will protect and identify them as they germinate.  Earlier this spring we carried all the round tables up on the deck and I have reordered them to comfortably seat 14 people on the west decks and of course there is an 18 ft bench on the east deck as well.  And there is also the gazebo up above the waterfall which seats 4 and the patio which seats 10 to 12 very comfortably. 
I am planning for a couple of gatherings later this spring where we will want to seat several people.  The first is a reading in honor of a departed friend of the artist forum that is presently not meeting but is beginning to stir itself again.  This friend was a story teller and poet and the leader of the group has recently been given a large body of his work.  I illustrated several works for him a few years ago.
The second is a star party of sorts and I would like to perhaps combine it with the opening of my pool - depending on mother natures wiles.  In the back of my mind, I would really like to host a Friday night gathering every couple of weeks during the summer when the fellowship groups are disbanded.  And so, some hopefully lovely times are in store to enjoy all this work.
My fish tank pump quit working Friday morning.  I didn't get a viable solution until today.  They were ecstatic.  If you think fish don't show emotion, you should have seen these babies!  I bought a pump that was rated at 150 gph with a 4 ft rise.  It couldn't touch my rig.  I'll save it and use it in a water feature somewhere.  Then we brought in a small pump from outside that we used to pump water off the pool cover.  That was funny, but messy and a tad scary as it shot water all over the room and had my 60 gallon tank rocking.  So my husband got the defunct pump and took it apart  We created a couple of bushings and put in a washer and voila, it worked.  The fish were happy dancing. Liv came out and told me that one fish was so happy it was swimming on its side.  And it was - not the death swim, but just tickle me pink cavorting.
I filled the waterfall up today.  I haven't turned it on yet.  Everything seems to have wintered just fine.  I'll probably start the pump tomorrow.  So little by little, it's coming about.

Working and thinking on the menu today.

This morning's readings (Jeremiah 23, 24, 25) left my mind and spirit busy.  So much to consider.  I'm not much of a doom and gloom person, but wow.  It makes me want to run out and stand on a corner with a sign saying "Preacher beware."  And yet there is always the hope, the promise, the undertone of grace.
Last night's sweet festivity left me eyesore and stuffed up.  Guess I took on more smoke than I intended or knew.  Won't be any bonfires tonight for many reasons.  We have fellowship; so much to prepare and late return from that.  We are under a red flag; so no outdoor burning.  It would be nice to see and breathe again. 
It is warming up nicely and the sky is blue with high scattered clouds.  Rain is forecast for tomorrow so I should get a bit of yard stuff accomplished.  The coffee was good -is still good.  I will do my mental chewing with garden tools in hand.
Blessings, friends.

Forever

Forever is in the heart and mind of God.  

      Today is in the heart and mind of mankind.

Sweet days and nights

This turned out to be one of those sweet days and nights.  I got a lot done, feel reasonably tired but satisfied.  Finished my planting areas, cut up a lot of wood and stacked it, made a bonfire with the twigs and cooked burgers over some charcoal on the upper level of my fire pit.

Investigate

I hope that, if nothing else, my arrogant insistence will cause people to investigate what I say.

How much do I hate them?

Recently a clip was shown at my church and then posted by several of my contacts that shows an obvious non-christian stating that he is not bothered by Christians who proselytize.  His hook is "If you really believe that there is a heaven and a hell and that people are really going there, why wouldn't you?  How much would you have to hate a person to not warn them?"  This statement from an defined detractor has made me think a great deal.  He says "If I see a truck coming toward you at some point I'm going to tackle you." 
But what do you do when the person looks up at you from the ground, muddy and mad, and says "I know what I'm doing. Leave me alone," and then begins the avoidance campaign.  Or better yet, the heavy 'people who think they are so holy' campaign.  When does love tackle and when does it speak parables that allow a person to go on with a good feeling smile and live as they please?
I'm an analytical/creative type.  I draw plans on 12/1 graph paper before I build.  I measure the degrees and the lengths and proceed carefully.  I gather resources and study facts and requirements.  I research pretty carefully.  I'm not a tackler.  But at what point does my omission become hatred? 
I love lists.  I make lists.  There are some interesting lists in the Bible - all through the Bible.  I love the happy lists.  Love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, kindness: things against which no law can be made.  Barns over flowing, cattle reproducing, being the head and not the tail, blessing and not cursing.  Whatsoever things are good, lovely, pure, true. . . .  I like to concentrate on these lists.  I believe that is wise and profitable.
But there are other lists in the same book, ominous lists.  If you do these things, you will not inherit eternal life.  Or the list that says anyone who does these things is blind.  Or the list that says these behaviors bring damnation. That's a little too hard.  Isn't that over the top?  Damnation?
There are people who I love who live in those lists - with resolve. How much do I have to hate them to not try to change their viewpoints and as a result, their outcome.  I'm sorry if this is a downer, but if you live immorally for the flesh, to the flesh, about the flesh, you will from the flesh reap destruction. 
I know that it's about relationship.  I know it's about grace.  I know it's about faith, but faith that doesn't change your heart and life ultimately is not faith.  That isn't my idea, I plagiarized it from the Bible.  Or shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? 
There are those who do great things who will be rejected because there is no relationship.  It's not about works, is it?  Yet there are the lists to help us keep life in perspective.  They aren't so much a group of do's and dont's as they are a thermometer, a wind gauge, and a barometer that interpret the coming storm so we know to take action.  If you are this, if you do this, if you believe this, you will live a good if somewhat troubled life and share the life to come.  If you have this character and participate in these actions, you are wrong and you're headed for destruction.
And there will always be those who look up angry and startled from the pavement and say "I had it under control. I knew what I was doing. Mind your own business."  How much you love them determines how bad that feels.  Back to parables.

Stand by Me - Playing for Change

Playing for Change -Song around the World

This is a video that I thought was in my videos and somehow wasn't. I guess it was just on FB. Love it, so I brought it here where I can watch often. It has moved me through the years since I discovered it.