Psalm 37 - Beginning with trust and delight

My constant struggle with disappointment has to be resolved.  After a morning when things said coupled with memories of things that should not have been said or done left me in the mood to just stay home from Church, I sat against the back wall and asked God to help me to find my way out of this maze of emotion and injustice.  
It’s not that I think I’m perfect-that's another blog, but this world I live in can be populated with unkind and inconsiderate people.  Sometimes they can be downright mean and strike hurting blows without even thinking twice about what they say or do.  In some cases they may not even recognize they’ve done it. It becomes a senseless whirlwind where everyone has the right to be whatever, whenever and there is no real right or wrong.  It still hurts.  Worse, it keeps me off balance spiritually.

God reminded me there among the music and worshipping that he began answering my prayer before it was prayed.  I recalled something I’d heard a few days earlier that went deep into my heart.  “Teach me to be renewed, Father,” I whispered in tears.

To that prayer was added words from our observation of communion and then from the preacher's message.  I came home with a resolve to change how I looked at my world, family and friends.  And I had a phrase lodged in my spirit by God.  “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”

That led me Monday morning to the 37th Psalm.  My plea at the beginning of my personal time was simply “Just meet me here and help me understand.  Help me get past this and get on with my life.” And I read “Don’t fret over those who do evil.  Don’t envy them for they come and go like flowers in the grassy field.”

I began reading and taking notes so fast, that my mind could barely process it.  “The success or failure of people who do wrong is not my business. Trust God and behave. Occupy your spot and make it the best you can. Make it a place of peace and safety. Let God be your delight and he will give you what your heart desires.”

My mind interrupts at that point.  I think perhaps that is the most poorly used verse in the whole bible.  We have so many desires and we ask for things daily that don’t- perhaps can’t, and probably shouldn’t- happen.  That kind of prayer/thinking cycle can wear at our spirit and our faith. 

I’ve never been much of a ‘name it; claim it’ sort.  That logic seems like the greed that Paul warned about and defined as idolatry.  It appears there is an attitude of “I want it, so it must be right and I will have it or God’s not doing what he said.”  So I asked God for understanding and I spent the next hour or more in an interchange of spirit and scripture.

When God is my delight, everything changes. Parameters change. I don't have to be dissatisfied with the limits in my life if my delight is in God. I don't have to be desirous of more or constantly pushing the boundaries if God is my delight. God will enlarge my dwelling in his own way if he is my delight. Neither must I be contained by the boundaries of my society.

My relationship to stuff changes when God is my delight. That is not theoretical. I have seen it at work in my life many times. When my mind is delighted with God, physical stuff takes on a new dimension. I am more thankful for the stuff I have and I'm more conscious of my use of stuff.  It’s easier to let stuff go without a full blown tantrum.  When God is not my delight, I cannot get enough to satisfy any other part of my world. I also get bored easily with the stuff I have.

Relationships change when God is my delight. The desire for others to accept, appreciate and affirm me fades. It's not that I don't care about other people or what they think any longer, but it takes on a new perspective.  I can let them deal with their problems and remain true to myself and my God. But when the Lord is no longer my delight, my concern, my enjoyment, my expectations all become skewed, self-centered and disillusioned.

And so I begin to understand that the answer to my own dilemma is a journey that begins equally with trust and delight in my God.  He says that if I will begin there, he will take my cause up and make it shine like the dawn.  He will make the justice of my cause as apparent as the noon day sun.  He himself will be responsible for me when I am trusting fully and delighted by him. That is a good place to begin.

Psalm 37: Don't Fret

I’ve been studying Psalm 37. I’m well educated and intelligent.  I have a reasonable vocabulary; I felt I had a clue, but I knew I needed to look up the word ‘fret’ because this passage says not to do it –several times. So I googled it and read the definition in many different resources.  The consensus seems to be that “fret” is a personal action.  It means to agitate yourself, to keep yourself worked up over an issue, to consciously continue to worry.  Another definition included picking at a sore until it is irritated or rubbing a surface with pressure until it is worn down. I’ve seen roots on the trail that have been fretted.  I’ve seen banisters in schools that have been fretted.  I’ve watched people –including myself pick and rub the weirdest things when in deep thought.

Suddenly I understood the term “fret not” in a whole new light.  Alarm, concern, are things that happen to us.  Fretting is something we do to ourselves. 

“Don't fret because of evil men.  They won’t last.”  Now it’s true that more evil, sometimes worse evil will surface but this will die off as well.  I did a lot of fretting in the past several years as I watched evil gain footholds in my nation, my state, my city and my own relations.  We’re supposed to care, right?   Yes.  But the next part says trust God with it, bring your focus and perspective back to him and live your life.  It says to delight in him and he’ll make our cause shine like the dawn. But frequently my concern, my caring turns into self inflicted agitation which glares like an ugly light; it doesn’t shine like dawn.  It wears on me and it doesn’t seat me closer to my Savior and God.

This whole chapter is a contrast of evil against trust.  Yes, good behavior is mentioned, but more as a sideline.  This passage contrasts evil people with people who trust and take their delight in God.  We are to trust in hard times and have understanding and then we are to turn to God and delight in him.  It’s not sticking our heads in the sand.  It’s knowing that some things are beyond us and keeping ourselves agitated over those things does no good.  As we change our focus to God’s goodness, there is much that can be affected and God promises to tackle the rest as we trust and stay close to him. It even addresses the fact that we will make mistakes – but assures us we will not fall if our trust and delight are in him.

So it is my determination that when I begin to fret –when my mind or heart grabs an issue or offense and begins to wear me down with it, I will turn to my God, express my need in trust, find joy and pleasure there and then just get busy at what he gives me to do with a rejuvenated perspective.  I want this to become my lifestyle.

What you Know about Yourself

She was taught that her word was her bond.  She was taught that what you know about yourself is more important than what others think of you.  She was taught that integrity would pay its own dividend and that respect and honor would right a person when the world turned upside down.  She was taught to trade honestly but watch for good deals and subtle blessings as you walk through life.  She was taught to save and buy cautiously.  She was taught that sometimes having what you need meant denying what you want.  She was taught to think quickly and move slowly.

It’s odd how life moves at times.  You find out what you are made of when the unexpected comes.  She had learned her lessons at a gentle hand and in common gifts.  She had shared love and trust and her plate had always had something edible on it.  She knew both wealth and want face to face.  Her parents had brought her through struggles and abundance with stories and laughter and a kind hand toward strangers even when what you gave meant less for yourself when the supply was already meager.  They brought her to comfort and honor with a gentle innocent heart even though she had seen the depravity of man through a clean uncurtained window.  Her bed was soft and warm and the house she was raised in had good bones.

She was thrust into adulthood at an early age by an ill advised marriage and untimely motherhood.  Her children were her world.  They brought her joy while solidifying her purpose and she determined to pass on the lessons she gained at the steady gentle hand of her father to these little wonders. 

She remembered stories her grandparents and parents had told about lean days –those days when the supply was less than adequate for the honor and integrity they struggled to maintain. Yet the stories were told with a smile and a sense of humor always under-girded with a sense of inward uprightness. She considered at times that she was gleaning her own set of stories and though times could be harsh, she laughed at their simplicity and walked upright.

Across the lawn and her small garden, beyond a yard with a high fence and barely visible from her humble home sprawled an opulent estate, though it’s yard and out buildings were cluttered and poorly cared for.  The wealthy yet somewhat course woman who lived there was her landlord, the unmarried daughter of a man who owned most of the town and employed most of its people.  Behind her and across a field and well kept garden was a simple yet elegant home where an older couple who had once owned most of the land in the town and surrounding farms lived out their remaining days in humble yet dignified fashion.  They spoke with grace, smiled easily and gave generously to the needs of those around them. People of the town whispered stories of how they had been deceived and cheated by the family who controlled everything now.  It seemed odd to her that they were still honored and treated with respect though their means were considerably less but the wealthier, successful family was spoken of with disdain and sarcasm when out of earshot.

When the young woman was pregnant with her first child, life was lean. She had made maternity outfits by redesigning or ripping up some of the dresses she had made while in the comfortable, ample home of her parents.  It was an honorable challenge.  She had way more dresses than she would ever need to wear after the birth of her child anyway.  She painstakingly stitched them by hand having no sewing machine.  It was a challenge that her upbringing had fitted her for. 

The elderly woman in the well kept home came to see her one day.  She brought a piece of fabric that she said she’d had for some time and never made up.  Perhaps it would serve for a dressy maternity outfit.  She just happened to have a pattern that she bought for her daughter years ago.  She suggested that a few simple changes might make it more modern.  And she offered the use of her sewing machine.

It was with pride that the young woman used her skills to construct the dress.  The older woman smiled and nodded and commented that she was glad someone was getting use of it.  But the pattern was new and one day in a local fabric shop she saw the bolt the piece had been taken from.  Her heart was grateful and it was a nice dress that she could wear with a bit of pride.  She allowed the older woman to maintain her story and sought for little favors and kind acts that might reward her benevolence.

One day her husband came home from work and told her of a windfall.  Their landlord was selling them a large quantity of meat at a price far below what they would pay in the super market.  It was still a good bit of money and would run them short, but for what they would get, it was worth skimping on other supplies for a while.  She adjusted her menus and agreed that they would make do.  He was excited about the promise of steak, chops and roast added to their diet.  The landlord had felt bad about making them wait for needed repairs and promised upgrades and was repaying their patience with this kind favor.

When he brought the meat home, they could barely fit the butcher paper wrapped finery into their smallish freezer.  She anxiously saved out a cut of meat for the next nights supper.  When she unwrapped it she noticed it had an odd smell, was dry and the color had faded.  She’d never seen meat that looked that way, but she prepared and cooked it and served it.  Across the garden fence, she asked her aged friend about the meat.  She would learn that it was freezer burned and while it didn’t make them sick, it was not that appealing no matter what she did to try to compensate.  They talked to the landlord about it, but she insisted that it was just fine and that they were somehow ungrateful for the awesome deal she had given them. 

It was a learning experience.  There was no refund and no money for a good while to use to buy more.  She was angry; she was discouraged.  It made her heart hurt each time she thought about it.  She remembered coping stories she’d heard a hundred times from her grand parents and parents.  She remembered the humor and roll of the eyes as the stories were recalled and shared.  She didn’t really see anything to laugh about in this event.  But she did learn a valuable lesson and she gained some respect for herself as odd as that seemed.  Even after their investment was recouped and their shopping budget restored, their situation was such that they could not afford to throw it out.  A little bit of innocence leaked out her eyes and was dabbed off the end of her nose each time she prepared a meal.  

What kind of Friend?

She looked miserable: eyes averted, body language defeated. She was trying to sort through her own self-condemnation.  And so the story was constructed.

They were friends.  They encouraged, mentored, problem solved and laughed a lot.  How does that kind of friendship stop being a friendship?

She was there when her friend met ‘the one.’  She was excited and then a bit disappointed by the distance that grew between them.  She remembered when she and her husband were romancing each other.  There was very little time for anyone or anything but each other.  It made her smile and the love in their eyes was inspiring.  She was happy for her friend.  It was a quick, small but lovely wedding.

Her friend’s husband was always one break away from amazing and sharply critical of those whose break had come.  And her friend? She was just straight out amazing.  Her little job insecurities became chances for the two friends to share long conversations once more.  New exciting job opportunities for the two of them took her friend miles away, out of her immediate circle, but they kept the friendship in text and phone conversations and through social media.

Sometime in the years that passed, she began noticing a difference in her friend.  Her friend was more easily wounded –much like her husband.  Her friend was much more critical of slight differences of opinion as he had always been.  Her friend held her own counsel and confidence.  She was happy for her, and yet sad for the friendship that was becoming ever more distant.

The argument that separated them was silly.  At one time, her friend would have seen it that way and they would have laughed and all would have been right with the world.  It was more between herself and her friend’s husband and yet the we  . . . . . became ever more intruding and the words spoken were not kind on any part.  Through social media lines were drawn, many people joined the fray, sides were taken and they were on opposite ends of the spat: not enemies but no longer friends in any real sense of the word.  A bit shell shocked, she stayed out of her friends space for the next two and a half years.  When her name would pop up, a sense of sadness mixed with injustice would pop up as well.

Then one day, she saw her friend while she was out and about.  They spoke like old friends – with a tentative reserve.  Her friend looked really nice.  Her smile had life in it again- odd that she would notice that.  She wondered exactly when the light had faded from her friend’s eyes.  They talked about ‘catching up’ and her friend left in her chic outfit, well coifed hair and bouncy manner.  They went their ways and the meeting was all but forgotten.

A couple of weeks later, her friend commented on a post she made and after the fashion of their old days they bantered a bit before going on their separate way.  They had never dissolved their virtual friendship, they had just become invisible to each other after the incident years back.  But her friend seemed to want to take off the shroud, to be heard and seen again.  The image from their last encounter flashed in her mind and then a difference caught her eye.

She was startled.  Her friend’s nomenclature left off her last name-a new fad among those coming out of established relationships.  Curiously, she went to her friend’s page and found her maiden name, the relationship status ‘single.’

“How long?” she asked herself.  It wasn’t as much of a shock as it should have been.  Her main question was simply “Was I such a bad friend that I didn’t notice or care?”  Even the least offensive divorce is painful. Did her friend need a shoulder, an understanding ear during those days?  How could something like that slip under the radar when they had been such good friends?”  Suddenly she was remembering mitten held hot chocolate on cool nights and sipping cold fruit drinks through straws on the deck in hot weather.  She remembered long talks sorting through the importance of events and behaviors in the beginning days of her friend’s career.  They had shared the best and the barely endurable parts of life.  How was it possible she did not know?  What selfishness or fear was it that caused her to look away for two and a half years?

Her friend’s action in the past was no longer an issue.  She realized it hadn’t been for a long time and yet they had remained estranged and she had somehow supported that decision without question. The issue now was “What kind of friend doesn’t know that her friend went through a divorce?”

Persistent Grumbler vs Obnoxiously Grateful

What makes the difference between the persistent grumbler and the obnoxiously grateful? I mean, why is gratitude obnoxious in the first place? You can say it's attitude and we all get that, but what is that all about?  If you are chaffed by someone else's gratitude, perhaps you need to look out of your own box and find what you have instead of what you don't have.  Find the promises and not just the problems.  It's possible that the 'happy' person you disdain has just done that and their joy is actually accented by their need instead of being crushed by it.
I recently read "I may not have everything I want, but I have everything I need." Without going into the whole 3rd world economy thing, I have to say that I have most of what I want. I mean, I can always think of something I'd like to have -a new refrigerator, a finished woodworking shop, a bigger sunroom for all the plants I house in the winter, a 3rd bathroom accessible from the pool, that perfect pair of dressy low heeled leather boots that fit like a dream and look awesome with anything I wear. You get the picture -that's just stuff. But does not having it leave me in want? Not really; I can live most of my days without thinking of those things twice if at all. If my life were to end tomorrow, I would not be complaining about those things with my dying breath.
There are relational issues that leave me in want. But I can't rule the heart of another and grumbling won't make it okay, even though some days I just do it anyway. Prayer gives hope for 'someday', though I'd prefer it be now.  If I concentrate on other people's behaviors and attitudes, I will never be satisfied.  If I concentrate on the awesome love God gives and seek ways to be a blessing to others, I find the joy overtakes my frustration and onliness.
I am a person who overthinks things and my conclusion is that God knows me better than I do. Wants are bound in minutes and hours. We get through it. Grouchy won't fix it for sure. I'm not going to grumble anyone into friendship or appreciation or honor.
So today, I choose to accept the 'want' as a step in my journey and trust God with tomorrow knowing that he gives the desires of our hearts not the fleeting covet marked by shopping trips or television shows. If I set up an idol in my heart he's not going to honor it anyway. Today I shall ignore the persistent grumbler in me and release the obnoxiously grateful. At least that's the plan. 
I have much to be thankful for.

Season of Our Joy 5

Sometimes the best of us just needs a good whuppin’.  I had an occasion to feel like administering such.  I told my mr. off royally and started away on a pitty-party of hurricane force.  Then I heard my God say again “This day is holy to the Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”  It’s funny how quickly my anger and indignation melted.  If it had been Monday or Tuesday morning, would it have passed with just a word?  I don’t know, but I do know that by Friday, I was conditioned to joy.  I wanted joy and not justice.  Suddenly the infraction didn’t matter.

When I read about the travels of the nation of Israel from the exodus to the promised land, their grumbling, dissatisfied spirit is apparent.  They had much to not be pleased about, and yet their God was a redeemer, restorer, problem solver and shield.  What if they had just asked and kept a thankful spirit instead of grumbling? Well for one thing, the trip would have taken 40 less years.  And yet even with the complaining, God did not leave them.  The cloud and fire remained.

Over the weekend I had several chances to try out my choice for joy.  I found it liberating and encouraging that I could just choose to be joyful instead of offended. In my normal world, I grumble a lot.  Of course my mind says I’m clarifying the problem or I’m working it out, but it comes down to a dissatisfied, grumbling spirit.  Yet for that week God was a cloud of joy, protecting my spirit from words and deeds that would have upset me before.  He was a fire calling me back when I was being drawn away.

There were a few songs that ministered much to me all week.  The messianic group sang “Days of Elijah” and “Dance Like David” every night that week.  These were songs that I was familiar with and they lifted my spirit in an unexplainable way.  Of course, there were other songs that I didn’t know and some sung in other languages.  But those two along with Hava Nagila were familiar. “Good Good Father” was another.  The other group didn’t sing it, but I linked to it online and played it at key moments when worry or other stuff began to crowd me.  The same was true with “No Longer Slaves”.  There were other songs that ministered to me, but these came back time after time and spread joy to my heart and freedom to my spirit. 

While packing up to come home, I felt torn.  During the week I had learned so many things; I felt so many things.  I didn’t want to leave the me I found at dawn beside the lake or the me I found at the campfire or sitting under my simple sukkah praising God for his goodness of the past year.  I didn’t want to leave behind the idea of visually offering my hands, my eyes, my lips and my heart to God daily in a spirit of celebration and joy.  I wanted to be home with my comfortable chair and tall bed and jetted tub and yet I didn’t want to leave behind that symbol of my vulnerability against the harshness of the storm, trusting God for protection and provision.  I didn’t want to leave behind the me that turned from anger to honest rejoicing just because the Father said so. 

This afternoon I was becoming frustrated and overwhelmed; time and need were pressing hard against my mind and body.  I began singing “Days of Elijah’ and another and soon I was working more smoothly and stressing less.  There are things I brought back with me.  I hope they are enduring and remain new and useful.

As an addendum, I see that God was there a month ahead of me. Planning and convincing me to come to the celebration of joy even though I had no idea it would be a celebration of joy.  I see that God was with me to make my reservations in a different place than I originally planned for a few days.  I see that God was in the smallness of the first site to cause me to recognize the sukkah and hear the music.  I see that God was with us in placing people who understood and celebrated freely and robustly in proximity to our first site to pull us into the celebration quickly and more whole heartedly.  I see that he was with me in the transition of camp to camp –teaching me and allowing me to ask questions.  I see that God was the provider and protector of the sacrifice I would make.  What ever else I learned, I am overwhelmed at my God who’s joy is my strength and who wanted so much to camp with me for that week.

I thought I needed to refocus, to get away from the stress and confusion, oh, but God . . .!

Season of Our Joy 4

I always take festive lights to the campout.  Really, I just like colored lights and even clear lights.  But I wanted to do a bit more with my shelter than just a couple of strings of café lights up the middle.  When I got to searching out how people set up their sukkah for Sukkot, I found marketed kits and improvisation.  I knew I would not be buying a kit, but I hoped looking into them would give me some idea of the possibilities.  I found out that a person can research traditional sukkot and modern sukkot and bohemian sukkot.  I thought ‘bohemian sukkot’ was funny-but yes I looked.  Most of them were quite lavish.  That surprised me and I’m not sure why. 
Some were small and some were quite large –like event tents that can be rented and decorated for weddings and anniversaries.  Some were adorned with a simple table, or in the case of the event tents several tables, and chairs and some had furniture in them for sleeping and relaxing. Some were constructed from a pop-up shade type structure and some from a pole type assembly. All were very festive and highly decorated. I even saw a plan in one place for a centerpiece tree made of autumn leaf garland and lights where you could pin messages and blessings or even small gifts for others. Louis and I discussed that Sukkot was like combining our church camp out, Thanksgiving, and Christmas together for a week.  All are times of joy and remembrance, of giving and sharing. 

In curiosity, I walked up to visit my new friend at the end of the cul-de-sac. She was not there, so I just examined their set-up from the road.  It was similar to a large pop-up shade –at least 12’ but maybe 14’ across.  It had sidewalls attached and on the corners it was adorned with scarves bearing the star of David. There were lights, branches and flowers incorporated.  It was placed over the picnic table and there were small tables at the ends of the picnic table and a long buffet style table to one side. They had an RV that they were staying in.  The cul-de-sac was full of various camping rigs and tents.  Each had a shelter of some type over the picnic table that was somewhat decorated but very individual.  At the beginning of the cul-de-sac, there was another large shade structure.  I didn’t know they made them that large.  It was barely decorated at all -just a few light strings.  The one closest to our campsite had simply made a canopy of lights tied tree to tree and across above the table.  It left them open to the elements, but they had a huge tarp fixed above their camping tent that came to the ground in back but extended up and out in front with room for chairs and small tables.  I was totally fascinated.

 I was ready to make the trip to Fort Smith to serve and retrieve some pretties to make my sukkah sweeter.  I brought back scarves mainly and a few more lights along with some items for the kitchen and cabin tent.

On Thursday, we moved our camp to it’s weekend spot.  We may have looked silly toting stuff from one end of campground C to the other.  But I was very excited to do so.  It had been a rainy morning and we were changing from our small tent that we use for travel camping to our cabin tent that gives more room to a large bed, a big black dog’s bed and our personal stuff.  Some things we drove across the campground, but some things, including the sukkah, took too much time to disassemble and so we carried them.

One of the purposes of Sukkot was to commemorate God’s presence and protection as they wandered in the wilderness.  I found myself thinking about that as we moved.  Even  moving camp such a short distance –maybe a block in the city- took so much effort, planning and time.  What was it like for 40 years?

I put my kitchen tent and rack together.  We put up the cabin tent and got it situated.  We carried over the sukkah and got it positioned over the picnic table.  I put my lulav together and set it in water in an old coffee pot that I inherited from a friend so the leaves would stay fresh for the rest of the week.  I set my etrog in it’s protective if somewhat transparent box.  I draped my scarves at the front and back of my small sukkah made of pvc pipe and clear plastic.  The café lights were strung across the center pipe and then down the tree at the back.  With two festive scarves hung to each side and three more festooned in the front, it looked very nice.  I was happy.  Between meals –which we shared with our fellowship group- I kept bowls of snacks and fruit on the table for passers by.  It was the season of our joy.

Season of Our Joy 3

This blog may turn a well schooled Jew inside out.  I apologize for any offense and yet it was the spirit in which the offering was gathered and presented that I felt was important. 

So many things I didn’t really understand and many things I didn’t really know about as I ventured into this week long celebration.  I didn’t know about the symbolism –though I had read of the wave offering- of the lulav and etrog many times through my studies. I was going to try to find a citron fruit while we were in Fort Smith, but I didn’t get to the store for it.  I had a lime with me and substituted that for my heart.  I believe it was as I said in my last blog the effort becoming the essence for this year. I did have a small plain plastic box to hold it, but it had no embellishment at all.  I’ll have to look into that.

I flat out forgot to take the palm branch. We have some that would have done nicely, but we got away Wednesday night without it. Louis was the one who spied the oak branch with leaves that looked like ‘hands’.  We had a myrtle branch for the eyes but no willow to represent the offering of our lips.  We looked about for something representational.  We found a species that somewhat resembled the mouth and put it in with our others.

As I was cleaning up that night before going to bed, I was talking casually with God.  I told him I wanted the willow branch because I felt like if there was one of the four things that I most needed to offer it was my mouth.  I have such a problem controlling what I will allow out of my lips.  I finished my tasks and went to bed.

The next morning I took Willow out at dawn for our walk to watch the sunrise.  He insisted that we go down the road a different direction than I was of a mind to go, but since it wasn't a big issue to me I followed him.  We went out the west side of the campground and came down a road to the main east-west highway that travels through the park. It came out at the road into the overflow camping/ dump station/ boat ramp area.  We took that road and as we approached the boat ramp, I saw that there was a earthen pier sticking out into the lake.  That would be a lovely place to watch the sunrise.  I walked out to the end of it and took a picture or two, but there was another earthen pier between me and what would soon be the rising sun.

So we went to the second pier which was a great place to photograph the sunrise and the mist that was hovering over the lake.  And at the end of the pier I found a willow tree.  How good is God!

That morning when the shofar sounded, I offered my hands, my eyes, my lips and my heart with great joy.  God cares and he lets us know he cares about this day, this offering, this need.

Season of Our Joy 2

One of the fun parts of the story in Ezra, for me, is that because they had lost track of the ‘Feast’, families didn’t get their sukkah (singular of Sukkot) up until the 2nd day of the festival.  I was right on schedule. I had thought to use the kitchen tent as my sukkah, but during set-up the first day, we decided that our temporary site was really too small for the kitchen and the quanset was a better choice anyway.  Food was cooked over the fire and eaten under the shelter.  Until the move on Thursday, we also shared our sukkah with cooking supplies and food, but since there were only 2 of us, it worked well.  There was a peace and joy about it as crude as it was.  

The main concentration was for a thankful heart and a joyful spirit. It was to be celebrated with kindness and exuberance. It is a remembrance of the provision of God through the past year and an affirmation of the protection and provision of God through the coming difficult time of winter.  They shared blessings and gifts with others who were less fortunate. One week without sorrow, complaint or worry; these were to be replaced by joy, faith and celebration.  The people were cautioned to not even allow the sorrow for their sin to interfere with their joy.  I only veered off the path a couple of times briefly and God reminded my spirit that it was a week for thanksgiving and joy; other things were to be left to trust in God to take care of the hard times and difficult situations.  It was easier there than I would have thought.

One of my greatest joys is sunrise.  Each day I woke and walked with my buddy, Willow and then headed out to find a spot to enjoy the sunrise.  They were all gorgeous colors in a wonderful setting –mostly at some part of the lake.  Each day began with joy in the grace and provision of God for that moment.  I would return to the camp and, together with my mr., prepare breakfast.  Almost without fail, the shofar from the messianic group would blow just as we began to eat.  The end of that cul-de-sac was right behind us, so we could hear their excitement.  More joy.

As I was learning, listening to videos, viewing pictures from the web, I was sharing with Louis.  We both got excited about ways to increase our fun and celebrate there in the open air.  I learned about the succah and saw examples of how they decorated them.  I learned about the foods included in bible times and today.  My visit with the lady at the bathhouse had made me aware of kosher marshmallows. I had never considered that.

My mind began exploring.  I didn’t want to lose the essence in the effort, but I began to feel that the effort applied with joy was the essence.  The celebration is thick with symbolism- both commemorative and prophetic.  We had to go back home on Wednesday to serve our church.  I planned to bring things back to decorate and to celebrate.  By Wednesday noon, I had learned so much.  But I was beginning to see how much more there was to discover.

Season of Our Joy 1

I am always amazed at the way God blesses me.  To be sure sometimes he has blessed me by not giving what I asked.  But so often he does exactly what I need.  My camp out this year was an amazing time of blessing and interaction with my God.  I will be posting for several days instead of all in one blog.  There is just so much I want to journal and document while it is fresh.  I hope you will be blessed to travel on this virtual adventure with me.

This year, so far, has been a very stressful year and as I get older, that becomes harder on me physically, spiritually and emotionally.  God is my strength.  Wisdom is my health.  But I still struggle to keep my balance of ‘trust’ and ‘do it’.

In September I decided that I would extend the time at Petit Jean for the fall campout to a week for rest, reflection and renewal.  I prayed about it and made reservations for the extra days.  I kept thinking, “I should be praying more, I should be preparing myself better for this time.”  Oh, but God. . . !

About a week before I was going, I realized that the week I would be there would coincide with what is often referred to as “The Feast of Tabernacles” but is called “Sukkot” by those who observe it.  I knew I didn’t know enough and wasn’t prepared enough to really observe it in a literal sense, but I felt compelled to learn and submit my mind and spirit to it.  I began to research and make plans.  I would take my hot box along so I could do more when I got there.  I was excited about this time of discovery, though I had no real clue where it would take me.

The first thing I found was the definition of the festival: “The season of our joy.” “The ingathering.” It was observed after harvest.  Sukkot means temporary shelters, sometimes called booths.  The next is that it is inclusive.  Gentiles were invited to participate.  Though I have a Jewish heritage, I have been raised as a non-Jew. Oh yes, we did attend some Jewish events when I was a teen, but mostly as outsiders.  So I felt encouraged to participate to the level I could.

I was a bit discouraged that I would need to spend most of the first day, which should be a day of rest and worship, getting ready and going and then setting up.  But I was directed to Nehemiah 8.  v8 They read from the Book of the Law of God, making it clear and giving the meaning so that the people understood what was being read.

9 Then Nehemiah the governor, Ezra the priest and teacher of the Law, and the Levites who were instructing the people said to them all, “This day is holy to the Lord your God. Do not mourn or weep.” For all the people had been weeping as they listened to the words of the Law.

10 Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”

11 The Levites calmed all the people, saying, “Be still, for this is a holy day. Do not grieve.”

12 Then all the people went away to eat and drink, to send portions of food and to celebrate with great joy, because they now understood the words that had been made known to them.

The people of Israel had been living in captivity for 70 years.  For that time they had not gathered or celebrated or worshipped as a nation.  When they heard the words of the law and realized their disobedience and neglect, they began to mourn.  But Ezra stopped them.  “It’s time to celebrate a week of thanksgiving.  The joy of the Lord is your strength.”

And so in this mindset, I set off on Monday for Petit Jean Mountain for a week of discovery and celebration.  Just as we completed setting up our tent and heating up our supper, we heard a shofar.  Shortly after, chanting and then singing began-enthusiastic singing and clapping.  I could see in my mind’s eye dancing as well.  Louis said “I want to walk around there and see what’s going on.”  But after supper, we cleaned away the dishes, put things into animal safe places and prepared to go to bed. At the bathhouse, I met a lady and in a few minutes I found that the music had come from their area.  She was with a messianic group that was staying for a full week and a day.  They had the entire cul-de-sac behind us.  She apologized for any disturbance, to which I replied that we loved it and I myself was investigating the ‘Feast’ during the time I was waiting on the rest of my group to come in for the weekend.  After some discussion, we parted ways and I was again amazed at the provision of my Father.

Lost vs Misplaced

There is a big difference between misplaced and lost.  Each has it’s plus and each has it’s dread. 

I buy fairly expensive shampoo and conditioner because I have hair that needs it.  I left my shampoo and conditioner in the shower at the campground.  The trip would be more expensive than the replacement.  I understand the truth in that and accept that it is gone.  I will not get it back.  I’ve lost my shampoo and conditioner.  It’s a bit of an expensive lesson for it was fairly new; it makes me feel frustrated.  Shampooing with what’s in the bathroom here is less than optimum, but my hair smelled of smoke and I needed to wash it.  The conditioner makes my hair soft – actually too soft.  It looks very limp and the curl isn’t even.  One day soon, I’ll sigh and buy a new set.  And next time, I’ll set in place a method for remembering to get it.  But in the scope of things, the loss was not catastrophic.  I’ll not be ruined by it.  Lost means I don’t get it back –at all.  I replace it or live without it.  If the loss causes me difficulty, I live with it.  It’s done.

Misplaced feels like lost.  While up on the mountain, I bought a waist pack at the Outpost.  I like it and was willing to pay a bit more because it looks nice and is just the right size to hold things I need when I hike or walk.  It was the only one they had in that style. Honestly, it wasn’t much more than the shampoo and conditioner will be to replace.  After I bought it, I tossed it on a tub full of stuff in my front passenger seat for the ride home.  It was there when I got back in the car after a pit stop on the way home.  I noticed it and was again pleased with the purchase.  Unloading the car, I misplaced it.  My husband tried to help me find it, knowing how much I liked it.  We backtracked and thought through the process and considered the possibilities.  I put it on at the overlook just before we came off the mountain.  I had adjusted it to my size and it held my phone and a second lens and several other items as we walked around.  Yes I know it was in the car when we left there.  No I couldn’t have left it at the gas station, because I didn’t get it out and also I saw it there when I got back in.  And yet the more we looked the more it seemed to have vanished.  It appeared I had lost it, but I knew it had to be somewhere. This morning, a day and a half later, I found it in a very unlikely spot.  I’d grabbed it along with my large water filter assembly in the unpacking process.  It was in my clay room on the stool beside the wheel.  I was as tickled as I had been when I first saw it in the outpost.  What seemed lost was only misplaced and now it is mine to enjoy once more.

I have lost things several times in my life –some of them crucial with serious repercussions; some of them frivolous and easily forgotten.  I have misplaced things many times –some of them crucial with serious repercussions; some of them frivolous and easily forgotten.  Yet when an item is truly lost, it is no longer mine in any sense but memory.  When an item is misplaced, it is still mine and will one day surface even if it is beyond it’s usefulness.

I feel there is a great lesson in this.  It bears consideration.

To win a battle -Go and the LORD be with you

"Go and the LORD be with you." 1Samuel 17: 37

The army of Israel went to war, but could not fight the battle.  They camped out on a hillside across the valley from the enemy.  They had no strategy to win.  Perhaps they were waiting for something or someone to reveal a plan that could work.  David said “I will do it.”  This didn’t seem like the plan, but no one else had a plan.  The blessing of Saul based on a hopeless situation became reinforcement of David’s determination based on trust and spiritual awareness.
Saul dressed David in his own fighting attire.  David was spiritually attuned enough to know he could not fight in someone else's attire. I don't think Saul's clothing was too big for David necessarily, though Saul was very tall. When Saul says he is only a youth, the indication is David was young and inexperienced not that he was a small child. But David knew how he interacted with his God, and he knew that this victory would depend on him being connected to his God. Saul's attire came between David and what he knew to be true about God.

We should listen and study and discipline ourselves, but ultimately our victory will come from our relationship to God. Probably the worst thing we can do is to allow another person to change our strategy when we know it is true and when it is based in our trust in God. David was sensitive to God's will. Solitude among the sheep had given David an inner reliance on God and an understanding of God's ability in dire situations. He had to proceed in what he knew.  

The miracles of God are full of one on one.  With a staff in one hand, a sling in the other and 5 smooth stones taken from the stream and placed in his shepherd's bag as he advanced, David approached Goliath.
Goliath approached David.  One translation says Goliath kept coming toward David.  Sometimes we think that as soon as we declare we will stand for God and right that the enemy will stop advancing.  We should not be surprised that our enemy continues to loom larger and threaten louder.  But we must hold in our mind that the battle is the LORD’s.

Though he was much taller, the description states that he was between 9 and 10 foot in height, Goliath had a shield bearer going in front of him.  I’m thinking “How tall was that shield bearer?”  If he was a normal sized soldier, then much of Goliath was vulnerable.  David just had to aim high.

According to battle protocol, Goliath was doing it all right and David was doing it all wrong.  Not only was he ‘young’, he wasn’t even dressed for conflict.  But David didn’t allow Goliath’s indignation, accusation, or insults to slow him down or deter his progress.  David didn’t consider the threats of Goliath viable because he knew the battle was God’s battle.  God was his armor, shield bearer and the strength of his throwing arm.  

Fear Not!

I do not fear heaven. I do not fear death, because I trust the promise of heaven. I do not fear onliness because my God is always with me and his love surrounds me. I have lived with success and failure. I have lived with honor and disgrace. I have lived with appreciation and with rejection. I have eaten steak and cordon bleu and I have eaten rice and potatoes. It’s just food either way and when it’s gone, it’s gone. I have worn fancy clothing and precious stones and I have worn cheap earrings and clearance rack clothing. I’ve driven new cars and I’ve driven old clunkers that barely got me from one place to another. None of that made me more or less of a person or dulled the flame inside. This is not to say that I cannot be brought low. I had a car wreck that stole more than I could imagine from me and a God who gave back more than I would have ever thought. I’ve looked death and disability in the eye and reacted as humans react and yet was loved and delivered. I’ve had my greatest dream crushed more than once –and once by my own doing. I have been degraded and deceived. And through it I lived. 5 years ago, I was given news about my health that I would not accept –again. Since before that revelation until now, I have lived with rheumatoid arthritis. I recall a time when I used to think it was a joke. But aside from the pain and swelling that is disabling if allowed to progress, when I get an infection, it touches my whole body. Along with the attack that is waged on my body, the lack of desire to keep doing it one more time becomes the greater enemy. I believe in divine healing. As yet, divine healing has not come to this disease. When diagnosed, I chose not to take the medications they prescribed and opted for a total change in diet and a life of discipline. God has been good to me through that. Yesterday I was ill, brought on by careless neglect, just a slight kidney infection. It would have been a small thing at one time but not so when it is governed by my silent partner. I had to fight just to walk upright. I was achy and distracted by pain most of the day. I went from task to task just to get through the hours until my efforts could rectify the damage I had done to myself. The relief was slow coming. Tonight my face and arms were hot and bumpy with the red places that follow any strong internal distress. I doctored them with my herbal remedy before laying down. Each day and year I stand closer to heaven, my final destination. That does not discourage me. I do have fears. I will tell you of them. I fear living beyond my usefulness. I fear living past my final sunrise or last creative venture. I fear losing my freedom to decide when to rise and what to eat. I fear losing the ability to laugh and see the humor in things around me. I fear losing the right to give to others or to teach a lesson or to lead a craft. I fear not being allowed to live in my own space, eat my own cooking and listen to music that feeds my soul and spirit. I am not a poor soul because I am sick or because I may be misunderstood when I am sick. I am only poor when I do not trust God’s best for my present and my future. I will never be perfect by the human eye’s standard but I am perfect in the eyes of my Father because of the work of his Son completed in whole on the cross. He rose to give me ‘new.’ Should my greatest fears become reality, it is trust that will bring me through it to the other side. And should my greatest hope be realized, it is trust that will bring me through it with a right heart and mind. 1 Peter 1:6 In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Hebrews 12:10 God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

To Win the Battle

Ecclesiastes 9:11

The race is not to the swift
    or the battle to the strong,
nor does food come to the wise
    or wealth to the brilliant
    or favor to the learned;
but time and chance happen to them all.

12 Moreover, no one knows when their hour will come:

This morning I was reading in 1 Samuel 17.  It’s a story full of questions and wonder and passion and faith.  As mentioned in another blog: Family Ties, David was going from group to group asking what would be the reward for killing the giant Goliath.  The soldiers all set out wealth and honor and the hand of a princess as the prize to be claimed.  They all knew the answer, so it wasn’t really a foreign idea or a new question, obviously.  David would leave one group as soon as he got an answer and go to another.  That fact was always odd to me since he was going to be the one to ultimately accomplish the feat.  But if you read it as though you’ve never read it before, it might seem that David was trying to inspire confidence and action within the heart of some would be champion.  There were no champions to face Goliath among the army of Israel.

  What David said was overheard and reported to Saul, and Saul sent for him.

 David said to Saul, “Let no one lose heart on account of this Philistine; your servant will go and fight him.”

 Saul replied, “You are not able to go out against this Philistine and fight him; you are only a young man, and he has been a warrior from his youth.”

 But David said to Saul, “Your servant has been keeping his father’s sheep. (I’m sure that statement caught Saul’s confidence right off.)  When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, I went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by its hair, struck it and killed it. Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God.  The Lord who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine.”

Saul said to David, “Go, and the Lord be with you.”

There were stories aplenty passed from generation to generation of victories and intervention by God on Israel's behalf.  David had learned to trust and follow God as a shepherd boy.  When he was first introduced to Saul he was described as a warrior and yet he’d never fought in an army.  His son Solomon would in his old age pen the words at the opening of this write.  They most likely came from the heart of his father the warrior king.

In Psalm 33, David wrote:

  No king is saved by the size of his army;
    no warrior escapes by his great strength.
   A horse is a vain hope for deliverance;
    despite all its great strength it cannot save.
  But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him

It becomes obvious that the message of this encounter with a lethal opponent is that with God you will succeed at any task where trust meets need.  David didn’t use Saul’s armor to protect himself.  He knew that his protection was in God or it wasn’t.  He knew that his victory would be in God or it wouldn’t.  That’s why he could approach a giant with only a shepherd’s staff and 5 stones.  It makes a great story.  But what if you can’t believe that much?  We often feel that faith is a quantitative substance and some of us have it and others don’t.  And yet, God addresses that issue within scripture as well.

Isaiah 30: 15  This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:

“In repentance and rest is your salvation,
    in quietness and trust is your strength,
    but you would have none of it.”

I must admit that I want to see the miraculous.  I want God to come in like the waters in Lord of the Rings.  I want instant harmless undemanding results by just asking.  I want God’s favor in my fights without any test.  You know, there have been those moments in my life.  They were awesome.  Yet there have been many times when a fellow soldier had to lift my head out of the dirt to see that the enemy was vanquished.  And some people have died in the process.  If my hope is only in my own desire, if my pride is only in my reputation, if earthly destruction is my only fear, then I will not see the power and deliverance of my God.

When Esther’s "I can't" message was reported to Mordecai, Esther 4, he sent back this answer: “Do not think that because you are in the king’s house you alone of all the Jews will escape.  For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?”

I’ve always thought of the statement in Ecclesiastes “Moreover, no one knows when their hour will come:” to refer to death and perhaps it may ultimately.  But today I reconsidered it.  We each have pivotal roles within our own time and chance that call us in a day, in an hour to be champions: more than the average human seems capable of.  How can we win that war?  Will we trust, commit and quietly say “This enemy will fall because he has defied the armies of the living God”? Or will we stand back and wait for the best from another champion?

Family Ties

My reading this morning took me into the story of David and Goliath.  There are many issues that are significant on a more global plain, but I got to looking at relationships –especially family.

David was brought to the palace to play for Saul who was inwardly tormented.  We’ll leave that, and all its surrounding questions, be for this round.  The music worked.

A person in the palace recommended David when they started talking about a musician.  The description he gave is epic:  "He’s an accomplished musician, he’s brave and strong, an excellent warrior, refined, intelligent and, oh yeah, he’s really good looking."

Now I’m sure a King isn’t going to want a moron, someone who is physically repulsive or totally lacking in social grace.  But he’s looking for a musician not a soldier or public envoy.  I guess the description kind of grabbed me this morning. Can you tell?

As I said, the music worked and Saul brought him on permanently.  He also made him an armor bearer and as a youth, David went with him on his campaigns.  David also went back and helped with overseeing his fathers flocks –especially when his older brothers were called to serve the army. 

After one such visit home, David returned to find a 10 ft Goliath stomping about trying to call a champion out of the army of Israel to fight with him for ultimate rule of the territory: “We win, you are our slaves.  Your nation is no more.  You win, we are your slaves.”  He was kind of hard to miss –even though a valley stretched between the two armies.

So David went from group to group asking what would be the reward to the man who fought and defeated Goliath.  It was curious that when he got the answer, he continued on to the next group of soldiers.  I’ve considered it from a different angle in this reading.  Perhaps David’s intent was to call out the champion in one of these soldiers, to make someone understand that he could be that champion and bring the victory to his homeland.  But his brother Eliab didn’t see it that way.

Eliab told him off.  He called him conceited, a useless onlooker.  He told him to go home and take care of the sheep.  David’s reply was “I didn’t do anything wrong.  Can’t I even talk?”  And then he continued on.

So one of my questions this morning is why did Eliab react the way he did?

Was he embarrassed by his ‘little’ brother?  Did he feel humiliated, like the family would be ridiculed because of David’s behavior?

Or perhaps, he was jealous and offended.  Samuel had obviously been impressed with him and yet he was passed over.  His youngest brother was a self-made prodigy, an accomplished musician who had been taken into the palace.  His ‘little’ brother was a fearless shepherd who had killed predators in his shepherding and told about it.  He wrote poetry that would span the centuries. He was well mannered and refined: the spoiled brat that had been chosen to be the next king –Yeah, right.  And he was really good looking.

The third consideration was that perhaps Eliab was afraid.  He was a soldier; Saul was his King.  David his youngest brother had been publicly anointed by the most powerful man in the country to replace Saul.  This strong giant was threatening his freedom and livelihood.  Strong men often erupt when they feel fear.  If they lived through Goliath, they might not live through the attention David was calling to himself and his family.

Perhaps it was ‘all of the above.’

It made me think about the reactions that come about when the common is confronted with the uncommon superior exceptional.  Do I rejoice in the elevation of people with a little sharper idea or presentation?  Do I celebrate the uncommon, out of the box, un-comfort zone efforts of others?  Do I worry about my own position and future when I see someone willing to step to the edge of a precipice while holding my hand?  Do I cry out “Out of line!” when my world is out of control?

I know it’s not the story and hypothetical situations have no resolution, but what if Eliab had been willing to step into Goliath by faith?  But then, maybe that’s why he was not chosen.

Just my thoughts on this day from 1 Samuel 17.  Blessings.

How long will you mourn?

My blogging has entered the realm of journaling my daily realizations based on my time in the scriptures.  As a back up disclaimer, I am a daughter of God.  I have been so for 49 years, yet I must grow constantly toward his truth and way for me.  Sometimes my time in the bible and prayer leaves me with more questions than answers –sometimes it crowds the answers in so fast that I fear I will miss something or misunderstand something.  I have learned that God is concerned with me and all my dysfunctional stuff!

If you choose to walk this trail with me at all, you will see imperfection and struggle.  Not pretty?  Not in a moment, but God is there in the truth of it.  I think that is perhaps the truth in my studies the past couple of days.  Lot’s of questions.  Lots of shadowy truth, but still truth and I’m supposing, because of my experience with God, that it will grow clearer in days to come.

1 Samuel 16 "How long will you mourn for Saul?"  

Samuel didn't know Saul or care about him. In fact, in the beginning he didn't like the idea of making anybody King. But he learned to love Saul in his own way, even with his frustration. Though Saul had not died physically, their relationship died when God rejected Saul as king. Samuel mourned the loss.  God became displeased with Samuel’s mourning and told him to get back into service.

This passage left me asking myself a lot of questions.  What have I learned to love and won’t let go of when God says “Move on.”?  What am I mourning that is interfering with the next step God has for me?  I believe my pain is important to God, but if I don’t trust him with that pain and keep on obeying and seeking, it will drive me away from the Father I love and need more than this earth –and Earth is all I know.

Some of the things that are hardest to learn to deal with or accept become things we just can’t let go of.  We get sidetracked on the way home when it ends and sit down beside the road and mourn.  If we are God’s own, he always has a place he wants to take us –physically and spiritually.  Samuel had a colossal task ahead.  He would establish the line of the true king within days.  And yet he was at a standstill: not home, not going.

Samuel protested when God told him to go down to Bethlehem and anoint a son of Jesse to be king. This made me wonder if Samuel was afraid for his life or if he just didn't see the point because of the way things turned out with Saul. Was it fear or discouragement?

From the time he was a child, Samuel got used to hearing and obeying God. This seems to me to be the first time Samuel openly questioned God. God did not reprimand Samuel, but he gave him a solution to his fear and told him to go.  Then he promised to guide Samuel through the process. Samuel obeyed.
On a short side trail, there are things about my life that I don't like but I must take ownership. First I must own that God is my God and everything that means to my life. Then I must take ownership of my obedience or disobedience to God's commands and to the consequences good and bad of my behavior.  It appears to me that Saul never owned God as his God.  He always referred to him as ‘your God’ never as ‘my God.’ He was empowered to do the job of king, but never sought the personal power of God’s relationship.  What a contrast to David.  David did just as much wrong in his life –maybe more, but he was always searching for a greater relationship with his God.  Also, it appears that Saul never owned his actions toward God's commands, good or bad, and the result to his life and the kingdom he ruled.  He always blamed others.  Just before Samuel left him the last time, he did say “I have sinned” but it appears only a segway into “honor me before the people.” If we put him on human scales, he weighed in pretty good or, at the least, not a bad man, but God was not pleased with him.

So much to think on in this journey.

Returning to God

My vast experience off course has honed my abilities for ‘returning to God’.  I’m sure –given my history and my nature- that I will have ample opportunities to further adjust my thoughts and practices in that area.  In fact, returning to anything worthwhile is a struggle once you veer off course.

The amazing thing about returning to God is that we struggle with the concept for a time – long or short- and often lose sight of the way back.  It can seem quite daunting or nearly impossible to return to truth, the way, the source of life.  The junk between us and the light can seem immovable.  Yet the way back is always a surprise.  It begins with one word.  The word may be ‘help’ or ‘Papa’ or ‘LORD’ or ‘save’ or any number of others.  That one word begins the process and we are there.

The legalist in me fights against that.  It wants the human to make changes, to slog back through the mess that took me away.  It sets conditions and parameters and barriers to get over.  The human asks “What if?”

Yesterday I spent awhile in Ezekiel 23 and then in the book of Hosea. These are stories of betrayal. In both cases God used marriage and infidelity to illustrate the way his people treat him. It’s a nasty sordid story of wandering, bad priorities, selfish living and then loving our degradation.  Our relationship to the world brings confusion, produces unwanted offspring, and destroys honor and respect both inwardly and outwardly.  Our concentration is on human ability, human right, human suffering, human desire. Once there, the solutions we come up with become as despicable as the problem has become.  It’s really hard to look at.  What we followed was not only useless, it was harmful and became increasingly repulsive and more destructive.

Yet God shows undeserved, unrequited, and incomparable love in spite of evil. Both of these stories explain how redemption is based on true, enduring love, not on the deeds of the one being redeemed. Still, he shows the sorrow and affect of evil actions within the lives of those who betray his love and ignore his grace.
The invitation is "Return to your God; your sins have been your downfall. Take words with you and return."  The amazing part is the one word that starts it completes it regardless of the time involved and regardless of the word that we begin our sin offering with.  God knows the heart; turning back to him cannot be faked.  And so it begins with one word.
"We will never again say 'our God' to what our own hands have made because in you the fatherless find compassion.” 

Sometimes we learn the ultimate lessons.  At first when I read the above verse, it seemed disjointed and unbalanced. A further glance gave me too many thoughts and applications to put down here. But I will say that God is the ultimate Father and being without his presence and love for any time at all is demoralizing and brings hopelessness.  Any idol we set up –and we do set them up- will lead us to that state of hopeless living.  But God will tear them down with one word and draw the helpless child back to himself.
God says “I will heal their waywardness and love them freely.” Today we think God’s greatest healing would be cancer or MS or some other such thing.  We have so many confusing diseases, so many physical disorders and handicaps.  Yet God promises to heal our waywardness and love us freely.  That contemplation is an amazing place to go and stay awhile.

The book of Hosea ends with this declaration: “Who is wise? He will realize these things. Who is discerning? He will understand this: the ways of the Lord are right; the righteous walk in them but the rebellious stumble in them.”  

I ask myself just what the realization means.  It’s a story of grace, a story of redemption, of love so amazing that it uncompromisingly reclaims what is ultimately compromised.  I can walk in that.

But what is the place of stumbling for the rebellious in God’s way?  Perhaps it is the point that we can add nothing but a word and God will love us back into relationship and strip off our dishonor and clothe us in his righteousness.  Perhaps is it the concept that waywardness is just not a big deal because of grace. I don’t know the answer.  I’d rather avoid either bump and walk always with my God and Father.

Seeking a Sign

This morning, by a design not my own, I landed in Isaiah 7. 

"The hearts of the nation of Judah were shaken." It appeared all their foes were joining together to destroy them.  

Sometimes what we see in the natural is overpowering and will shake us if we do not or can not look to the spiritual. 

The prophet Isaiah assured them that their enemies had joined forces and were descending and planning their ruin, but he added 

"Yet this is what the Sovereign Lord says, ‘It will not happen.’" 

He told Ahaz of the eventual defeat of the his enemies, and added "If you don't stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all."

Then God spoke directly to Ahaz and told him to ask for a sign. 

Ahaz had obviously been taught not to ask for signs because that is testing God. He replied "I will not!" and received a harsh reprimand from Isaiah.
“The LORD himself will give you a sign.” It's an interesting comment that caused me a lot of thought this morning as it has in the past.  I've never understood how these fit together so I asked for understanding. Maybe I'm starting to see it differently.

There are times when God wants to show us what he will do for us.  He desires to strengthen our trust and confidence for the battle ahead.  He is the victor and yet if we don’t stand firm in our faith, we will not be standing when the fighting is over even if our side wins.  

Faith is given to us to use against the “What if?” and “Oh my” of life.  Trust says “God is strong, faithful and present,” but faith says “I will stand and see God’s victory even if the battle I fear comes in the way I fear it most.”  Sometimes God wants to prepare us by showing us what he can do in the small things so we can trust in the huge things.  So he told Ahaz “Ask me!”  

Ahaz was not listed among the Godly kings.  God did give him that present victory, but Ahaz didn’t learn to trust in God.  How sad that he wouldn’t ask!

I see that there is a difference between a self-willed desire to have God’s support for our agenda, and a worried seeker asking for God’s reassurance in a test. Jesus said “A corrupt generation seeks a sign and no sign will be given except my death and resurrection.”  But even Jesus spoke of signs in a positive way.  The spirit knows the difference.  The flesh does not.

Perhaps I’ve considered the statement of Jesus from the wrong perspective.  Perhaps when a corrupt generation or individual tries to force God into their own plan and requires a sign that it will be as they want, they receive a different type of sign or none at all. And so I think the sign was given to Ahaz and all his people. 

Can God save us in the most desperate to times? Will God save us in spite of all that we have done and all we see developing?  The view Isaiah first gave Ahaz was the long term effect of the evil of his enemies and how it would destroy each of them without respect to his own evil.  But when Ahaz refused to ask for a sign even though God spoke the command, he was given a view of God’s ultimate redemption of the thing that causes all other defeats.  It was a faith changing, mind altering statement that would live on in the hearts of all young girls and an entire nation from that day forward.  And yet, not for Ahaz.  He just got the temporary fix he wanted and lived out his life as a King that did evil in God's eyes. My heart and spirit are stirred greatly. 

I shall continue asking for wisdom and understanding.