When you make a mistake

So what do you do when you make a big mistake?

I recall a dream I had once awhile back.  I was trying to help a child I care about.  No names, please.  To keep it short and relevant, I ended up cutting off the kids leg and standing there looking at the mess and saying “What am I going to do now?”  Of course I woke immediately relieved to be done with that.  But the truth is, the dream has stayed with me for a long time.  It’s a caution to my spirit.  “Some things should not be attempted.”

A friend told me shortly after the dream that children in dreams represent our ideas and aspirations and that recognizable children represent efforts and hopes in progress.  So I was destroying my own dreams?  Not sure about that, but I do see that I’m not always rational in my approach to problems and I have a tendency to consider it my duty to solve things that aren’t always in my pay grade.

I’ve been dancing with David for quite some time in my morning time.  This morning I read about the Ammonites.  The king had died and he was friendly to David so David –the most powerful king in this time period sends a delegation to the funeral to express sympathy to his son, the new king.  When the envoy gets there, the nobles start talking smak to the King.  “David isn’t really concerned about you or your father’s passing.  He’s sent these men as spies to prepare him for war against us. Now that your father is dead and you’re a newby king, he’s thinking about conquering us.”

The king responded with the silliest thing in the world.  He made a show of power by shaving half the men’s beards off and cutting their garments down the middle to expose their buttocks.  Then he sent them on their way.  There! That should show the most powerful king in the region what’s what.  It didn’t take long for news to be news and David was offended greatly.  He sent the envoy to a small sparcely inhabited area to grow their beards out.  It doesn’t say he was planning to attack, but word got out that he was not at all pleased.

So what do you do when you made a big mistake?  This unwise king hired an army to defend the city and sent his own army out to attack Israel.  Joab was a wise general and soon the hired army ran off and the home boys went home and David’s army went home to Jerusalem.  Of course it didn’t end well for the Ammonites or the other army in a short time.  That’s for another day.  But it got me thinking about how we face our own foolishness –especially foolishness that involves injury to another.

I’ve had people do the “what was I thinking?” to me and I’ve done a few “what was I thinking?” to others.  The reasonable approach is an apology accompanied by an effort to make amends where you can.  But that’s so often not what is chosen.

Often people will gather others around them.  They hire an army of ‘friends’ and acquaintances to stand guard –generally figuratively.  I thought about it.  The Aramean armies probably had a different concept of what went on and what was about to take place.  I don’t know how many soldiers David had at this time, but these were incredible fighting men in small numbers and now there were many more.  Plus it was a stupid battle.  And God was generally on Israel’s side in a conflict.  The ‘friends’ abandoned the fight quickly.

Why is it that when we offend another without cause, we immediately gather people to our cause, insist that we are the ones wronged and that the others deserve to be punished.  I’ve seen it over and over.  Often the offending party does come out somewhat defeated –somewhat; but it’s still considered a viable tactic to avoid the sensible resolution.  Years ago I swore off this path.

The other tactic is to draw back, cloister behind walls and disassociate.  We must tell ourselves that we are better than the other person to keep from believing that we behaved badly.  Sometimes I realize I’ve done this.  It’s much harder to remedy than a simple initial apology and ends up much harder on our pride and any restoration of the relationship.

On Israel’s side, the truly offended party, I’m amazed that they had the good sense to just go home.  That takes a lot of confidence and integrity.  They didn’t cower when the fight came.  They assessed what they had to do to deal with the attack.  But when the Ammonite army went to hide behind their walls, they didn’t launch an all out attack.  They didn’t have to.  They had nothing to prove; they just went home.

So I hope that this story makes me think about not doing stupid stuff in the beginning.  But then if I rush into a ‘what was I thinking?’ moment I hope it helps me resolve it in integrity and honesty so I can get back to life with minimum damage.

Donna and David

I was in a mood. The past and future were colliding with the present in my head as my body worked around the early morning tasks in my world. It’s a lovely world full of chaos right now.  I don’t do chaos well and yet of late it seems that I do chaos always.

Sometimes I just have to stop and say I have much good in my life. It didn't turn out the way I planned, for sure. Some things really don't matter and some seem like they do, but in reality it didn't go that way and it's a good, good life. This is a time to say "yeah, it's okay." 
When you say it at first it feels like you're just settling. But if you stop and look about and listen to your spirit, you know you're not just accepting the inevitable, you're walking out in belief, trust, and joy for what you have, not mourning what didn't happen. This is when God truly gives us joy for mourning.

In such a mood, I came to my morning quiet time in 2Samuel 7. There came a time when David didn't have any challenges. His enemies were no longer fighting him; his Palace was complete. He had erected a tent for the Ark, but his heart constructed an amazing temple to honor the presence of God among his people.  There are things in the story that lead me to believe that David had a vision of the temple. The prophet said "go for it." But in the night he received a word from God. Sometimes our excitement at an idea can keep us from hearing God. Perhaps it's because Nathan didn't take time to ask God. Neither did David apparently. Or perhaps David believed his vision was God's instruction.
God's love didn't allow David to begin a vision he hadn't birthed. God sent the word to his prophet Nathan. I asked myself “Why did God not speak directly to David?” David was a man who was accustomed to hearing from God. It appears we have turned a page without a period. We start a new chapter on an unfinished note. There is much to consider some of it is not given to us. Perhaps it is not important to the story, but perhaps it is for those who will dig it out.
David had a plan. David loved God. David was God's king for his people. But "My plans are not your plans," says God. It's very easy to get lost in a good plan, a wonderful plan, the plan of the heart. When it just isn't going to happen, we mourn the plan even though it really never was our reality, it was just a plan. But it's saddens me when that good wonderful thing that I thought I got from God really wasn't from God and therefore had no life. This may sound a bit crazy, but these are the hardest times to just trust and walk on. I wonder if it was that way for David after God sent Nathan back to tell him he was not going to build a temple.
God's message to David from Nathan: "Are you the one to build me a house?" Sometimes God may give a vision that is true but not necessarily for us to accomplish. I have wondered if this was the case with David.
"I've been right there in the middle of Israel since I brought them out of Egypt." We can get so wrapped up in our ideas that we think it is the only thing that God can and will honor.
" I took you from a pasture, I was with you the whole way, and I have made you a great king." God's expectations for David was not about what David could do for him, but about what he would do for David.
"When your days are over, your heir will complete your vision."
Though this statement has a finality in David desire to build the temple, it also provides a promise and a hope for the future of the nation and for David's line.
"My love will never be taken away. Your house and Kingdom will endure forever. Your throne will be established forever." God promised to be a father to David's son. He said “if he does wrong I will punish him using the rod of men, but I won't take my love or my promise away. My purpose will stand for your family into the generations ahead.” If we accept that God is eternal and knows all things past and future, secret and open, then we understand the longevity and the power of grace in this statement to David. Goodness and faithfulness come from God not from men. How can I ever be disappointed with such Amazing Grace?

World Spots

I woke early and had some good time with my Papa God. I've been busy all day but chewing on some of the stuff I've heard. Here are my thoughts: Pure undefiled religion is to make ourselves part of the life of people who are alone (widows and orphans) and struggling through illness and difficulty (affliction) and to keep ourselves unspotted from the world. We seem to have the benevolent thing in our sights.  Most of us give ourselves to that frequently in one aspect or another.

So I've thought a lot about world spots this morning. Jesus paid our sin debt on the cross. He said some pretty hefty things like ‘uttermost’, ‘everlasting’ and ‘never perish’.  We know grace by faith.  We know whosoever believes in me… I’m thinking we understand the way to be accepted by God, but that doesn't leave us free to live as the unredeemed world. Religion is the purposeful worship of God. So this word would tell us a few things. First it's possible that our religion can be defiled. I have ideas about what that looks like according to some other scriptures, and I’ll not follow that train of thought right now. But I've never really thought about what world spots look like. Another thing it tells us is that much of what we consider religion isn't. I'm not downing church services or the church itself. That's not my right or my desire. But the assembling of ourselves is for our strength and equipping. Yet living lives that are not tainted by the thinking patterns, desires and purpose of this world is something we just don't aspire to very much. Identifying through our love for other Christians is something we just don't really consider, even though Jesus said it was the one crucial character of a disciple.

Leaving all that be, I’ve been asking myself “what do world spots look like?” The one real impression I got from talking to the Father is that they are very individual and personal.  There are several ‘don’t do’ lists in the New Testament.  I’m not going to deal with those, because whether or not we do those things, most of us know they are wrong.  So what are world spots that we are to keep ourselves from.  First of all, they are things that we are in control of.  Yes, we need the power of the Holy Spirit and his job is to convince the world of sin- because they don’t believe, of righteousness- because Jesus bought that and sits at God’s right hand, of judgement- because Satan has been judged. But I believe world spots are in our control.  Sometimes it’s as close as the remote. Other times, it may be the ability to walk away from insults and sarcasm that would make us bitter and useless to the kingdom.  Sometimes it might be to choose to delete before we post or to turn something off when we feel the flesh rising in us.  Sometimes it may be praise instead of complaint or encouragement instead of reprimand.  It may be following instead of marketing Christ for some. In all cases it is a personal rejection of the world’s rule over our thinking, wanting and doing.

If I ask God to show me my world spots, I believe he cares enough to do that.  If I see them, by admitting and renouncing them God’s word will wash me and Jesus is arguing my case before the Father. He’s already paid for every missed mark.  He deserves my worship! True worship.

I was listening to Jimmy Evans early this morning and he said we need to turn away from the labels and accusations Satan tries to put on us and accept what God has to say about us as his beloved sons and daughters.  He said to ask God where we have accepted the definitions of the world or Satan on our life and then begin confessing the word God speaks instead.  I think that’s a good place to begin with the spot removal.

Free

This is taken from an old post imported from Multiply.  It actually came up in my Facebook memories from 2011 and I realized how very much it speaks to who I am and the desire of my heart still. 
I used to write music.  One piece hums it's way through this reading: Living on the Wind - Going wherever the Spirit may take me; Living on the wind - knowing the Father will never forsake me.  Living on the wind - soaring to heights unknown to man, exploring the joy of living in His plan, being at ease with the strength of the breeze that carries me: Living on the Wind.
I hope you will be blessed by it this morning as I was.

I will never forget the sight.  I was the first one awake and out of the tent that morning.  The lake was sunrise calm and the sun was barely sending rays upward.  I started coffee and then stepped out to gaze on the blessings of daybreak.
What a blessing it was to be there that morning in the fresh moist air.  As I watched, an eagle flew by, low and fast.  Suddenly it dove to the water's surface, came away with a fish, and disappeared into the distance.  In a short time I witnessed the same scene with the same outcome.  Over and over I watched as the light developed and the morning warmed.
I didn't know if it was one eagle or more; I didn't see more than one at a time.  I was amazed at the ability of the eagle to know exactly when the fish in the distance would rise and how to meet it without fail.  I never saw a miss in the time I watched.  The pure dynamics of the scene boggled my mind.  The precision and grace filled me with a new admiration for this wonderful bird.
My daughter stumbled out of her tent during a short interval.  I pulled her aside and held her beside me to watch.  It was a magic moment to share.  We watched until the humidity lessened, the day was sunny and warm, and kids began to emerge from a night of sleep and created noise, activity and a need to get busy on breakfast.
At various times in my life, I have flown in dreamstate.  I have always yearned to glide on the air, though you would have a horrid time getting me to hang glide and my first plane ride was a cause for days of nausea and dread.  I almost got to go up in a balloon once.  I did go up in a tethered balloon one time.  Kind of boring, it seemed.
I am a person by nature bound to protocol and rules.  I am a person driven by desire to find freedom.  I've often thought that was what the dreams were about: breaking the bonds and limitations of expected rational behavior.  Yet there is the side of me that wins most of the time.  The dependable, feet on the ground, practical gal.  I think it is why I love to write.  In writing, I can cast off the chains of earth with its need and reality and go where I please on my own terms.  I can be as serving or as mindswept as the moment calls for.
If I close my eyes, I can be that eagle swiftly gliding across the lake toward the destiny of a rising fish.  I feel the resistance of the air and yet I feel its help and power.  I know I will succeed in any task the day presents.  I am strong.  I am free.  I am able.
Of course, I must open my eyes and get on with the stuff of my humanity.