Of Dogs and Cats and the Grace of God

7 years ago last April, I adopted a feral dog. I was looking at getting a dog. I wanted a good sized dog to be a friend and companion. I wanted to teach it and care for it and take it on camping trips among other things. I had thought about the dog I wanted but I didn't find the dog I wanted. Then I was approached about taking a feral dog. I researched, studied, inquired and eventually I had a pup with tons of issues that would become about everything I thought I wanted and more.

The best advice in all my preparing was to form a bond with the dog; they are pack animals. They have a community sense about them and if they bond with you they will be loyal and loving pets. He's really been more like a hairy family member that doesn't speak but understands my language perfectly. I've found myself to be a 'dog person' beyond what I ever was. I took the responsibility seriously from the first. The problems were never what I would have imagined. The blessings are beyond what I could have hoped. God has taught me so much about me and about grace and redemption through this animal that I've bonded with.

13 years ago I took on a cat. I was always a cat person and had an affinity for yellow tabbies. Hobbes is a yellow tabby, but Hobbes has never been my cat. Hobbes is his own cat. Yes we feed him and give him a space to lay down comfortably. We make sure he has warmth in the bitter cold of winter and shade and water in the heat of summer. He's our cat -sort of.

Large numbers of neighbor cats frequent our yard. Most of them succumb to the barking and chasing of Willow and choose other terrain as soon as he enters the picture. Will seems to recognize our neighbor Barbara's cat and doesn't chase it much when it frequents the deck or other shady areas of our yard. The rest, he playfully chases away and then whines because they leave. I've been fairly content to discard my 'cat person' role for a 'dog person' role.

On the 13^th of June my daughter and grandson were over and we were playing on the hill when Willow alerted us that there was something to check out in the yard. On the deck was a small handful of fir and bones that was too weak to escape. My first thought was “I'm getting ready for camp, I don't have time for this.” The training and ethic I'd received from my father would not allow me to let it die without an effort. I bathed it, restrained it, fed it with a syringe and gradually nursed it from the critical stage before leaving it in the care of my grandson while I went to serve at fostercare camp. I kept telling myself I'd get it stable, have it neutered, and then probably put it up for adoption.

By the time I returned from camp, the kitten we would end up naming “Martigan” was gaining strength and becoming playful and inquisitive. I got his shots -along with antibiotic, some snooty reprimands about fleas and possible worms and a guesstimate of 12 weeks age. And no, the vet at the animal clinic didn't care that I had saved its life or how much better it was or that I had been trying to battle the fleas or that I'd had no where to send or take the kitten because of the city's lack of current animal control. I was told to call for a neutering appointment and snotted right out the door. I really didn't want to say it was my animal and my responsibility but I took responsibility anyway.

I can't use topicals because of my reaction to poisons, and I wasn't ready to get into the whole 'vet' commitment yet. I learned about capstar for fleas. So far that's been fairly successful. I called for that appointment and they assigned it to a date during our vacation. When I told them we wouldn't be back until the 17, the receptionist said “just call back when you return and we'll get him in.” I realized we could be getting into the range where a cat can begin adolescence, but there wasn't anything else to do.

We ended up taking him with us on vacation. With a few purchases and a great deal of planning, it worked okay. I became more and more committed to keeping the kitten. I began a general worming of the kitten and called to make his appointment after we returned. Somewhere in the doing, I began to call him “my cat”, while still feeling the uncertainty of the wisdom of such an acquisition, given my schedule and plans. About a week ago, amid developing aggression and ornery cat behavior, I began saying “I've got a CAT!” thinking more of the development of Hobbes than the development of Dusty -possibly the best cat I ever shared space with. I've begun to take charge. With cat's you never know, but I will give it an honest effort and the benefit of a doubt. I put him in a very containing pet carrier during 'sleep' hours. I put him in his play yard during times when I'm busy. I let him play when we are in the room as long as he doesn't get too wild. When he loses is ability to calm down, I put him away (pet carrier) for a few until his bounce has gone away.

A certain level of crazy is entertaining, beyond that, he is contained one way or another -for the time being. After his surgery, he will need contained for a week or so anyway. I figure this is good preparation for both of us. After that we'll play it by ear. I could feel guilty, but I refuse. I tell him often that I saved his life because it's who I am on the inside, but I won't let that ruin my life. Truth is, I can't guarantee that last statement. I've extended the gift of life and the grace that I had to give. I now have a cat for better or worse.

Willow taught me more about redemption than I ever expected. I learned a level of patience and expectant love with him. He learned love and loyalty pretty fast, though he may still struggle with obedience sometimes. It's easy to see God relationships with Willow. I wonder what I will say of Martigan in 5 or 7 years -if I live through this. The big difference in cats and dogs? Dogs have a conscience, even when they misbehave. Cats don't see anything they want to do as misbehavior. I feel that I am about to understand grace in a whole new way.

The Lesson of the Whistle

I have had many disruptions to my spiritual walk in the past year and a half.  Prior to that, God was teaching me about Psalm 91.  He showed me awesome spiritual principles and amazing instances of His grace and protection. I experienced the supernatural in some astounding ways.  Just when I thought I was getting a handle on this new/old truth, my health began a downward turn based on some choices I made, but definitely in a different experience than my spiritual growth had become accustomed to for a couple of years. 
 As I reconsidered what I knew from the post '11 physical breakdown and recovery, I began trying to deal with my new issues through diet and exercise. Early into this, while I was still in a weakened state, I was bitten by a black widow.  The next year didn't make any sense to me at all. I fought my way through it with a good amount of research and what discipline I could muster.  I did several full body cleanses -a fact which probably got me through it better than I would have otherwise.  My day to day life was a struggle of the body, willpower, reasoning and spirit.  My emotions didn't stand a chance.
 I don't really say this with any pride, but there were many times when I just lay on the couch and said "This can be over any time you're ready, God." It is not to say that there were no good things, no joy, no accomplishment, but life was a struggle and not just in the physical realm.  God was showing me awesome things in his word and teaching me awesome things through his world, but it was like God came to visit in the morning in my sunroom, but he didn't stay. He would meet me at church, speak wonder and then he was gone. I began disconnecting.  I felt estranged from the body as a whole. I felt I had lost sight of God and had lost all the ground I had covered in the previous spiritual push.
 My Bible studies were often rushed and interrupted.  My mind would not stay focused most of the time. My prayer life was one long strand of questions and complaints. During this time I was learning to stand-up in Christ and walk in faith - but it was not all inclusive and in some areas I struggled harder than I ever have. It was exhausting and defeating.
 After Christmas, we still had many celebratory events and visits for two months. Several times I told my husband that when February ended, I was going to do a body cleanse and build my strength and then I was going to take a sabbatical and get my head and spirit straightened out. I planned a date to take off from my classes and gave myself a slight itinerary with lots of freedom. My anticipation -the expectancy of setting me right in all areas so I could walk into the future with purpose, health and spiritual strength to make a difference in my world for the rest of this earth life-  was growing by the minute.
 The trip didn't happen. I was crushed and angry, hopeless and incensed at the same time. I wanted to disappear completely and never resurface. I felt whipped on every level. It wasn't that I thought God abandoned me. He spoke often but I felt detached most of the time. It wasn't like it had been where he was so present all day in all situations. There were times I could not sense his presence at all and I needed him so much. I already knew the cliches, the go-to verses.  I began to search for what I should be doing to get that closeness back. I began to force myself down previous paths. My efforts were redoubled. Surely God would see my effort and honor my need.
 By the time we planned our vacation, I was feeling desperate. I took my journal, my tablet, my Bible. I would find time to work it out.  I didn't. On the way home, I felt like there was no improvement to be had. 
 I've told the story more than once about how I gave all the kids whistles when we went camping and told them if they got separated to sit down where they were and blow their whistle because someone would be looking for them.  Most survivalists agree that when you know you're lost, get your self protected best you can, make yourself as noticeable as you can and stay where you are until someone finds you.  And I've mentioned in blogs how God a few years ago told me to get myself a whistle when I was feeling off the path.
 Yet it was a total surprise to me last Sunday morning when I began complaining about the distance I felt and how I had done everything I knew to do and was losing strength to hear God say "It's because you didn't understand the lesson of the whistle." 
 God is my Father. He knows where I am always. But what I realized that I should have known is that I can't get myself found.  My effort is lost. When the trail becomes muddled and I can't see my hiking group and especially my Father, I must sit still. I cry to him admitting that I'm off the trail, disconnected.  But it is His to find me, not mine to find Him. He promises to.  My efforts just increase my own frustration and lost feeling. He wastes nothing and He will be there when I sit. And He will bring me back to the secret place of the most high.

Sanctuary

Sanctuary- God has been speaking to me over the past month or so about sanctuary.Through that time he has added scripture and complexity to my thinking on the subject of Sanctuary.

The beginning of my study was Isaiah 8:10-11 Devise your strategy, but it will be thwarted; propose your plan, but it will not stand, for God is with us. The Lord spoke to me not to follow the way of this people. 13-14The Lord Almighty is the one you are to regard holy, He is the one you are to fear, He is the one you are to dread, and He will be sanctuary. There is more in this scripture, but I have included the verses he originally pointed me to concerning sanctuary. It has become one of my favorite passages. The take away is that we must only fear and dread separation or displeasure from our God. He is the one with all power and the right to redeem or condemn and He will be sanctuary! This was provided by Jesus' life, death and resurrection.

Now a moment about what I learned about sanctuary through the years: It is a place of refuge where a person who is subject to retribution -even to the point of death- may live without fear of vengeance or harm. As a visual to the believer, God set up cities where people who were under the curse of vengeance could live productive lives in freedom. God promises if we regard him as sovereign and holy, he will be that dwelling of safety forever.

I've always loved but felt unsure about Psalm 91 until I began to understand the principle of sanctuary taught in the old testament and fulfilled by Jesus in his life, death and resurrection. Verses 9-10 If you make the Most High your dwelling-even the Lord, who is my refuge (sanctuary)- then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. The description of safety and divine relationship throughout this Psalm is amazing. I feel these verses summarize it. If we make him our 'home' the plan of Satan, the curse of this world is broken.

In the sanctuary cities, a man who was subject to condemnation and retribution was safe as long as he remained there. If he decided to walk outside the city, he was subject to attack by his accusers. Psalm 91 begins “Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge (sanctuary) and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge (sanctuary).

Israel is God's chosen people by promise that he says he will not break, but it also is God's picture of rescue, redemption, deliverance and refuge. Deuteronomy 32:10-11 In a desert land he found him, in a barren and howling waste. He shielded him and cared for him; He guarded him as the apple of his eye, like an eagle that stirs up its nest and hovers over its young, that spreads it's wings to catch them and carries them on his pinions.

God finds us! He cares for us. He guards us. He carries us. If we fall, he spreads his wings to catch us. The New Testament says “While we were sinners, Christ died for us.” It is stressed again and again that salvation is of God. Faith is of God. Sanctuary is God. Our duty is to change our mind -repentance- to align it with the truth of God by the faith he has provided all mankind. As stated in the beginning, He is the only one to fear or dread and he is our Sanctuary!

Psalm 62:5-7 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation, and my honor depend on God; He is my rock and my refuge (sanctuary).

In Psalm 73 the writer is distressed by all the inequity and evil about him. “NO FAIR!” he cries, “I've lived right in vain.” Two things occur to me here. The psalmist had lost sight of redemption and provision as described in Psalm 91 and cast his heart and eyes to the world and it's system. Verse 1-3 Truly God is only good to Israel, even to those who are pure in heart. But as for me, my feet were almost gone, my steps had well nigh slipped. For I was envious of the foolish and arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked. I don't think God loses track of us when we walk out of Sanctuary, but I think we come under attack and are vulnerable to old ways of wanting and doing. But in verses 16-17 the psalmist tells us When I tried to understand all this it was oppressive to me till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny. A simple step back into sanctuary lets a person see the truth of God and covers him from the destruction of the enemy.

I must admit that this next thought is stirring in my spirit and head. It is not totally congealed. In 2 Samuel 3 we have the story of Abner. He was King Saul's companion, commander and body guard. He was a great military man and had the respect of all Israel. When Saul died, he remained loyal to his descendants until they abandoned him -possibly out of fear. He then joined David, who had served under him at one time. In the defeat of Saul, Joab's brother Asahel was chasing Abner to kill him. Abner asked him to stop and finally killed him. Joab vowed he would execute vengence. Abner went to Hebron -a sanctuary. There Joab could not touch him.

David accepted Abner and sent him out on a kingly mission. It occurred to me that under the Kings orders, Abner was able to walk the world in safety. But when he returned to Hebron, the mission was over. We pick up the story in verse 27 Now when Abner returned to Hebron (a sanctuary), Joab took him aside in the gateway, as though to speak with him privately. There, to avenge the blood of his brother Asahel, Joab stabbed him in the stomach and he died. Once the covering of Abner's mission ended, Joab had right of vengeance. So he stopped him on the way into the city, convinced him to step aside and killed him. Without that step Abner would have been under the protection of the sanctuary. Later, David referred to Joab's act as 'murder' and he instructed his heir about clearing the kindom of his offence.

Verses 33-34 The King sang this lament for Abner: Should Abner have died as the lawless die? Your hands were not bound, your feet were not fettered. Some translation say should Abner have died as a fool dies? When we walk in this world, we are subject to harm. I don't understand all of this yet, but the Spirit is teaching me. As long as Abner was serving the King, he was covered by the principle of sanctuary. When he stepped back out of the gate in response to Joab, he was subject to the law or retribution. He was not captured and dragged out. Our enemy has stealth, but we must always remember, he has our destruction as his goal.

God takes our new lives in him very personal. Isaiah 46: 4-5 Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He, I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. “With whom will you compare me or count me equal? To whom will you liken me that we may be compared?” The protection of Psalm 91, Isaiah 8, Psalm 62 is real. It is for those who enter into Him in covenant by faith and the alignment of our minds with his Truth and grace (repentance). We escape the curse pronounced to Adam by his choice of Satan's logic. We live in a state of sanctuary. But our enemy waits to convince us that there is something important and fulfilling outside. Stepping out of his coverage by realigning with carnal thinking puts us under enemy fire. Yet protection is one thought away. It is much to think on and apply through faith -not carnal wisdom.

Stop, Drop, Roll

On Sunday morning, June 23, God wakened me with the words stop, drop and roll. I thought it curious because my mind went to a silly movie where the evasive military tactic was exaggerated comically. But as cognizance grew in those early hours I began to search my spirit for what the Spirit was saying.

God instructed me to STOP having my own opinion. I've always told people, only half joking, that I can only have my own viewpoint or opinion, for if I change it, it will still be my opinion. Yet sometime back God assured me that He does not have an opinion, He is truth. But I have an opinion about everything, so I have an opinion about God's purpose and plan in my life. I understand that human reasoning is deceitful at best. It is based on so many things that are half true or not true. I was reminded that the Holy Spirit is here to lead us into all truth. The word “repent” means to change your mind. In Bible context, it refers to realigning our thinking to God in agreement with His truth. So my first action should be to stop the thoughts that disagree with God's Word both written down and Spirit Breathed, to stop every opinion that originates in mankind's wisdom and reason and submit wholly to the truth and plan of my God. He's been taking me there for years but now he is teaching me a tactic for warfare in my own flesh.

As I contemplated the second command -DROP- the Spirit reminded me of an incident with my father when I was a young teen. My dad was a God appointed evangelist though he never claimed to be such. He didn't preach great campaigns. He did speak regularly in prisons, jails, nursing homes and sometimes churches. But he told people everywhere he went the story of his own redemption and about the love and grace that God offers to give mankind new life and relationship with God for eternity. He was constantly mentoring someone toward the Father.

One night we invited a family over to dinner. Dad had been witnessing to the man about salvation. But in the course of the evening, the man pointed to a deck of cards on a buffet in our home and said “As long as you have those, don't tell me about how God has changed your life.” My dad picked up the deck of cards. Put them on the front porch in a metal pan and lit them on fire. He said that while he didn't see it as sin to play cards in his own home, for one person to spend eternity in hell for his right to play cards was unthinkable. I don't know if the man ever came to Christ, but I know dad didn't replace the cards.

I'm not saying that Christians should spend their time man-pleasing or be wishy-washy about their belief in right and wrong but there are things that hinder us in accomplishing God's plan for our lives. I can justify anything with enough carnal reasoning but what is the cost if God is saying “drop it”. Paul said “I'll be all things to all men that I might win some.” It was his mission, his calling, his purpose. I don't believe we have to follow man's plan or man's idea of morality. Carnal righteousness is useless. But we must follow the Holy Spirit if we would enter into God's plan in God's power.

“Let's ROLL!” I had not thought of it for years. Sunday morning, God brought it to my mind. The passengers on that doomed flight 9-11-01 saw the enemy's tactic. They formed a plan and then they said “Let's roll” knowing they were giving their lives to defeat the enemy's plan and save others. We can argue that they were going to die anyway, but the truth is they were brave enough to act on what they knew. Few of us will give our last breath to crash the enemy's plan, but God has a place for each of us to stand effectively in the Kingdom. God's goal is the redemption of man and the coronation of Jesus and we each have a place in accomplishing that. God will succeed with or without our part. But what a cost to give it up for opinion, distraction, insecurity, or fear.

I get sidelined by the flesh, by desires and opinions. The enemy's accusations cause me insecurity The world -sometimes even the community of believers- brings distractions. At times, the battle seems so huge and there are so many things to fear in the natural. In Isaiah 8, the prophet says “Prepare for battle and be shattered! Devise your strategy, but it wile be thwarted; propose your plan, but it will not stand, for God is with us.” He assures us that only God is to be feared and He is our sanctuary. What a statement!

When the battle comes at me or when I see that I've stepped aside into the line of Satan's fire, I have a plan that is both evasive and aggressive: STOP, DROP and ROLL. Let's do this.

I Survived

I survived! Now it's time to process and regroup.  So many changes, beginnings, endings that my heart and mind don't really know where to begin. My body is tired.  My world is messy. My soul is sad. My spirit is hopeful. 

Reclaiming my Past.

First there was 360. It was such an interactive, fun, social site. I was new to the blogging scene and since I've always had a love of writing, I jumped right in.  I made friends from around the world - people who loved art, writing and discussing everything from education to religion. I was a babe and I grew fast. I was amazed at how much I learned to care for these virtual friends and look forward to their adventures and replies to mine. One day 360 told us all we had to move our interaction elsewhere and gave us a chance to transport our postings once we decided on a new social home.  
The bulk of us moved our stuff to a service call Multiply in the fall of 2007.  I always intended to weed through the stuff I had moved, but life went on and so did the socializing. It was a reasonable fit, though different from 360 and since our friends moved with us, we were happy enough to endure the changes in format and barely skipped a blogger's beat. 
I was introduced to writers, educators, and artist in so many disciplines. My love of photography found inspiration, challenge and support as well. Some of us worked together to establish an online creative arts gallery. There were writing contests and recipe collections and then there was the nightly chat sessions with fantastic interaction between groups of friends.
Then in 2012 Multiply closed it's virtual doors to social interaction. With the warning, we all began looking for the best new home for our virtual friendships and online interaction.  As the shut-down came, we all stood on the www shore and waved good-bye as people wandered off into their 'brave new virtual experience.' Some chose one venue and some chose another. Most found nothing that compared to 360 or Multiply. Several split their online interaction between creative venues like Word Press and Blogger from Google and the shallower, lighthearted and quirky My Space and Facebook.  Some wandered off to establish themselves away from the crowd promising to look in now and then.
I imported my stuff to Blogger and Google+ and established a presence on Facebook.  It's been an okay venture, but I've lost touch with many of the virtual friends I made who had become such a strong part of my real existence.  I began sorting and converting my blogs and albums from Multiply in the two serious venues.  But as things go, not much really got done before I resumed activity with a promise to get back to it- a promise un-kept.
Then the shut down of Google+ social pages was announced. I frantically transferred any pictures to my computer and any unsaved musings and poetry to my blogger. I was left with over 800 imported but not converted files in all. I'm working on it! 
That said, I may reference an old post now and then.  It's been enlightening and nostalgic converting the old files. I have well less than 10 pages left to convert.  Full of fun; full of memories; full of living.

Typical

So typical of me.

I decided about two years ago that I wanted to get a tablet so that I could take along pictures that my mother could actually see and enjoy. Also, I hoped that she could share some face time with people who could not go see her. Then I got to thinking it would be a great thing for trips and such to organize pictures, keep my journal and also as a reader. It all seemed like a great idea.

Recently I started looking at one with a keyboard case and usb port and felt like it might even be a good substitute to taking my big computer to camp. The more I read the more I became convinced that a tablet would be a fantastic solution in so many ways. So I bought myself a tablet.

When I ordered it, I saw it in a whole different way than what I had originally envisioned. Like I do with everything, I began to assign way too much ability and importance and expectation to this little piece of equipment. The truth of the matter is it's a nice little tablet. It will make a great reader, and journaling will be much easier than it is on my phone. There are some bugs to work out. First of all I've got to learn to sync the tablet and my hot box.

There are also some expectations to drop. My phone actually takes much better pictures and video than the tablet, though neither of those approaches my digital camera for clarity and depth. Yet the camera is not so versatile when it comes to posting in a venue like Facebook. The files are way too big and they take too long to convert even with the media conversion tool. Also, once Facebook begins reducing them, a lot of that awesome quality is left behind.

Nothing has really changed from what it was a couple weeks ago. I still want a tripod to hold my phone so that I can do some live videos to help people with various kinds of art. I'm hoping whatever I get is quite versatile, as I now have three pieces of equipment that could use stability in picture taking and I like the idea of a remote fire.

I would like a case for the tablet with a keyboard. I like voice to text some for putting my ideas down, but I need a keyboard for cleaning them up and it would be so much easier than using voice to text and then sending it to the computer to clean it up and post it.

Once again I've come full circle. The tablet is simply a tablet, not a superhero. The phone is still a phone - perhaps even more so now that I have a tablet. The camera gives me wonderful creative liberty. And I haven't solved one single serious, earth-shaking, universal problem!

Life Marathon

I'm preparing for a marathon! Not a running, walking 26.2 miles marathon but a 'finishing all things well' marathon. God has been preparing me for some time. I don't think I recognized what he was doing.

It's not as catchy as biking Imogene Pass or hiking the Continental Divide Trail or running the Trans-American or rowing the Atlantic Ocean. I won't bring in money for a great cause or stir awareness to a grave condition, though for sure, those things are attached to this challenge. For me finishing well is a worthy goal. I do have a bucket list -a very few may know what is on it- but finishing well was never on that list. 'Finishing well' sounds so negative -so final. But recently I've begun to think about what it would mean to finish well. Paul said he had run his race and finished his course and that there was a crown (to us that would equal a trophy or medal) awaiting. So what does it look like for Donna to finish well?

I have RA. My skin breaks out and get crusty patches, my veins break and bleed under or through the skin, my joints ache and stiffen and some show signs of deformity at times. My heart races at times though most of the time I have low blood pressure and low blood sugar. Some things don't work like they have and should sometimes. Walking up stairs can be grueling; walking down stairs can be catastrophic. According to the doctors, RA doesn't go away. You live with it. I know doctors are not God; that's been so evident in my life from childhood to this year. I respect the doctors for their training and ethic, but I trust my God for my life, health and eternity.

So what about RA. I've asked for healing, but as yet I'm still dealing with it, but I have decided not to let it define me. So what will define me? My answer is part of Donna finishing well. Faith first; wisdom second; discipline third.

Faith:I will ask again for healing, knowing that my God can blink his eyes and take this away in less than a breath. But the greater faith comes when it's not gone and I still know with all that is in me that God is faithful to me and that his love for me is beyond comprehension.

Wisdom: God created this earth and this body in wisdom. If I ignore the wisdom he used in creation and in establishing the physical world, I cannot expect success in living well or finishing well. Wisdom takes some research and a mind to receive it. Some will ignore wisdom because of their own idea of enjoyment. Over indulgence in eating, lack of exercise, lack of sunshine and fresh air, not allowing enough time to rest or relax, not drinking enough pure water, excess in chemicals and alcohol, excess of sugar, all these are a willful discarding of wisdom and in time bring physical consequence.

Discipline: Once I know what is good, agreeing that it is good and practicing good as a life style is discipline. Discipline is a house built on a firm foundation. Sometimes discipline requires behaving and thinking creatively. While suffering with the spider bite last year, I could not exercise normally, but through creative thinking I began water exercises that increased my heart rate, lung capacity and overall body strength while not making the injury to the leg worse: discipline applied through wisdom.

The truth is even if my Father saw my faith and healed my body of the RA, I would need faith, wisdom and discipline to finish well. Faith knows my God is real and personal. Faith sees that he is able and full of grace. Faith realizes that God's love will always do the best for me whether I concur or not.

Wisdom is the greater part of intuition and knowledge together. Wisdom learns all it can about the situation I am in. Wisdom is defensive driving, eyes and mind open to what is going on around me. Wisdom is knowing when to act, how to act, when to speak, how to speak. Wisdom is intuitive in buying and knowledgeable about products and prices. Wisdom is turning it up, turning it off, listening to the small voice inside.

Discipline is getting up to see the sunrise. Discipline is praising when I am down and gratitude when I feel need. Discipline is completing the task when I am tired and exercising when I want to zone out. Discipline is reading the Bible because I have one. Discipline is stopping to listen to the voice of wisdom before making decisions. Discipline is keeping

promises and appointments. Discipline is preparing lessons for my students and resourcing them before hand.

I watched a movie recently about a runner. He was facing heath issues and disability but completed an ultra-marathon against all odds. For me, preparing to run this marathon and finish well means a change of focus: fear to faith, a change of input: want to wisdom, and a change of action: dysfunction to discipline. Each day is one more day in my marathon which ends when I stand before my Father to receive my crown-medal-trophy and hear him say “Welcome! Well done.”

Earthly Solutions to God-sized Problems

I feel frustrated with all my news sources. They destroy our confidence in our way of government and in those who govern. They are doing it for profit -even the best of them. You don't have to go out of the temple to find the mental money changers and everyone is being told its the other guy's fault. “Buy my goods. I have the truth and can fix this.” Then when it's not fixed, “We didn't have enough funding.” But that's not God.

Young minds, by virtue of time of association alone, cannot see that this is not the way our government was set up or the way God works. There is a deeper, more sinister plot to rob our country of its reason and destroy our lives as we have known them. If you look at what is being attacked, you can follow it back and see where the attack is coming from.

I am tired, tired of the spin. The Christian community is as faithless in this as the far left! That's what hurts my heart and spirit. In the book of Malachi, the people had a comeback for every message God brought them. It struck me that they also had the 'spin doctors'. Many of them were secularists; many were deep-seated conservatives, but no one was responding to God and his message or his promises. They had their own tree of knowledge!

People come to me with the story and the hype and I just want to scream “STOP!” Can the prophets of plenty or the prophets of doom make anything happen? They cannot. They cry out “If you will fund us we can do this” but they really can't. I'm not against benevolence and I understand that the worker is worthy of his hire. There are things that we should support but money -coming or going- isn't what we should be looking to for personal salvation.

There came a point when a leader of the newly established nation of Israel said “Give me your valuables and we'll create a god you can follow.” That was a disaster but they were a young nation, not established in a God relationship. They had only recently become free men and women after being conditioned to slavery for centuries.

Later and later, again and again, the people of Israel gave out of their hearts huge amounts to serve the true God. In fact, Moses had to tell them “Enough!” There is a time to give and when you know your God, you will understand the giving. You will also understand that God is able to take a heart truly open and in love with him and do 'amazing'. When he is leading, there is supply, there is funding, there is progress even amid persecution and financial downturn.

The problem is that “good” people on the “good” side with “good” agendas are not always in that open-heart love relationship with Father God. They trust flesh much more than Spirit. Their plans are carnal even though they are “good”. They raise support through fear and anger. That should be the first red flag.

Back to Aaron: the people didn't know where their leader Moses had gone. They began to panic. They needed a focus, a direction, something to believe in and follow. It needed done now. Aaron had only recently begun to have a relationship with the God of his brother. He wasn't established or secure in it yet. He didn't really know how all that worked yet.

There are parts of that story that are only beginning to gel in my mind. Aaron was acquainted with idolatry. In Egypt it was the way of life, a way of focus. I've considered the time it takes to make a huge statue from metal such as silver and gold and I realize Moses had not disappeared into the mountain for a really long time when the fear started.

Fear isn't a rational thing even though it seems like it. These people had been through a lot, just as we have been through a lot in our world. They were beginning to experience what God could do, but it wasn't personal yet. For many of us, God is a great idea, but following Him is not a personal thing. So we look for a leader. We look for an earthly solution to God sized problems.

We have many Aarons who will find a way to focus us and give us something to believe in and follow, but it's not truth; it has no 'amazing' only hype. And besides, the spin doctors are really good at pulling the issues out so we can see them and fear them well.

DISCLAIMER: I am not dissing Aaron. He became a valuable servant of God. Go read the story (it's in Exodus)!

Grace, grace, peace!

I was awakened early in the morning by the words "Let the peace of Christ rule in your heart." It's a curious thing and I've spent quite a bit of time thinking on it today. There are several issues around my world that have stirred up every emotion from depression, to pending loss, to worry, to fear. Jesus said I'm going to give you my peace and I don't give peace like the world gives peace. Reference John 14. Then he commanded -”Don't let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” His disciples didn't know how troubled their hearts would be a few hours after he spoke those words. He knew. He told them he was supplying peace of a whole different kind and level than what they were accustomed to. I don't know how much his words meant to them in the coming hours and days. I believe that after his resurrection, those words were incredible to them.

Of late, God has been teaching me the concept of speaking grace into stressful or fearful situations and then speaking peace to my own heart. I've truly become amazed at the results. Yet when 'stuff' comes up around me, I do become anxious and fearful. I really hadn't thought of it as fearful until the last few days. I like to say I'm concerned, but I realized that it is my fears that keep me in turmoil. I know what I believe should happen and what I wish would happen in a number of pressing situations and yet I have no control over any of them. Even in things I once thought I could control, I find I am helpless and I become anxious, worried and fearful. Everything from selfish emotional concerns to what I consider dire, destructive circumstances twist me inside. At the least, I lose. And the worst, others suffer. It seems hopeless in several rights, but then he speaks “Let not your heart be troubled; neither let it be afraid.” “Let the peace of Christ rule in your heart.” Colossians 3.

Paul instructed the Christians in Philippi not to be anxious or worried about anything but instead let God know what they need and want, retaining their thankfulness and he added "the peace of God which cannot be understood with the mortal mind will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4. Sometimes the pressure of the unknown, the pressure of desire for good results and solutions becomes so great that the heart feels it will explode. The mind is overwhelmed. I've prayed. I've done my best to be thankful and show gratitude and yet I am overwhelmed.

Jesus promised the Holy Spirit as a companion, teacher, helper to believers. One of the fruits of the Spirit is peace. Add that to his statement the night before his crucifixion and I see that he was saying “You already have been given incredible peace for every situation you will face.” Many of the scriptures I looked up this morning testify to that gift and empowerment of peace, so why don't I feel peace. Then the voice from the early hours speaks again to me “Let the peace of Christ rule in your heart.”

It was then amid all the verses, all the self recrimination, all the pain and angst of an unknown future, that a lesson from the past spoke to me again. With your mind you repent. With your mind you choose. Then the heart will follow. The will and the power to do will be there. If my mind will not choose to believe in the amazing goodness and grace of God regardless of what I see, my heart will not let the peace of Christ rule. If I choose to go back to the hype, back to the worry, back to the unknown that I cannot control, the heart will not let peace rule. When I speak 'grace,' I turn from the problem and speak 'peace' to my own heart. I must not return the way I came.

Let the Peace of Christ rule in your heart since as members of one body you were called to peace and be thankful. Colossians 3:15. Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14: 27. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with Thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6, 7.

What I Do Now

What am I supposed to do now?

Do I scream, cry, complain, laugh, sulk, wait patiently, withdraw? I certainly won't have anything to do with the outcome regardless. Each of these choices would feel really good for a few seconds. You notice I didn't include trust, pray and seek God's council. I've already been stabbing at those. Before you get too philosophical, just stop.

Scream: This choice is generally done in my studio -by myself or on my hill -by myself. If on the hill, I'm sure a neighbor or two is alarmed, but they've probably gotten to the point where they say “The crazy lady's loose again” and as long as it ends fairly quickly, they will probably just ignore it. The immediate release of emotion and tension has a good effect for a few moments. There have been a couple of times when it took care of the problem completely. It's not generally my first line of resolution.

Cry: This is a given. I cry easily -not often for joy as my father did. Gut-wrenching sobs can have the same effect as the scream -or not. When accompanied by prayer, the cathartic effect is more common. But in the end, no one but me and God cares and I usually really want someone to care.

Complain: I'm learning to reign this in some. I can't say I've conquered it, but I find that those who care are the fixers and human fixes are usually more problematic than positive and can hurt the people I least desire to hurt. Complain isn't in the Holy Spirit's vocabulary and certainly isn't in God's fixit list.

Laugh: Short-lived and fake, this has little curative value. Other people may like it better, but not generally the people who know me really well.

Sulk: This may not solve anything, but it generally doesn't hurt anyone in the process -and one of my main sulking techniques is to busy myself frantically. I may not solve the problem, but I get the studio clean, weeding done, things planted and fixed and sometimes good pottery started. The big off in this is that I set expectations for my normal life that won't ever be met and everything loses its sparkle pretty fast. The on is that I'm usually too tired to care for awhile.

Wait patiently: In human strength, this lasts about 20 seconds to max a half hour and that's on a busy day. In the strength of prayer and the Holy Spirit, the odds of success are much better and generally lead to strengthening of trust.

Withdraw: Again in human strength, withdrawal is not a good result. I'm quite rutted into withdrawal during the catastrophes of life. I'd rather choose “flight” than “fight” most times. It produces results I can live with, but not results I want or that bring out the best in me or others. I won't get into the TMI mode here, but believe me when I say I know the landscape of withdrawal from all sides. It's not a pretty scene. Yet there are times when the Spirit cautions us to pull back and look at the problem from a distance and other times when he says stay here and I will fight this battle for you. This is a reasonable and effective side of withdrawal that utilizes trust, prayer and the active council of Father God.

I tend to want things fixed and I'm a fixer. After my efforts and resources are exhausted, I want God to fix it and I have really firm pictures of what “fix it” should look like. More than once in this mode, God has spoken to me in -so far- gentle reprimands, reminding me of who he is and who I am and what the spirit of the kingdom is all about. Sadly, it's never been about me getting my way. Yet, I still want things fixed.

I begin asking others for prayer strength. I do believe God hears the voice of one of his own, but I believe in the strength of unified prayer. I have to exert caution here, because prayer requests can become gripe sessions very easily and complaining doesn't energize the Father.

I have difficulty in asking for unified prayer for a couple of reasons. One is the fog of ego that humans see through when looking at any problem. If you say you don't, I will leave that right there and let the Spirit instruct you in his own time. My other blind spot is the greyspace of redemption. When God says “Vengeance is mine; I will repay.” It is based on two things: God's unfathomable love for all mankind, and God's unclouded knowledge of all the pieces in any situation. While I'm seldom looking for vengeance, I see that it applies to all human interactions and solutions as well.

And so, once more I face the day with a heart load of “fix-its”. I know only God has any solution for any of what I face. The solutions are limitless and beyond human understanding. My human side would join with the captain of Israel's armies and say “This is impossible. God would have to open heaven and we can't count on that.” But I know where that reasoning took him. And I know God's solution was not based in human reasoning or ability. That said, I know he is powerful; I know he is loving and merciful; I know he is truly righteous and just. He has the answers and I can't do anything about it anyway.

Will the coming storm be pleasant? I don't expect it to be. Will I cry? Undoubtedly. Will I complain? I hope minimally. Will I laugh? Very little I fear. Will I sulk? I need to get a lot done! Will I be patient? If the Holy Spirit overwhelms me. Will I withdraw? I hope only to see the power and love of God. Will I come out unscathed? Does it really matter if my God is there all the while using all things for my good?

He says “Let me decide the outcome. I promise to act.”

God doesn't waste the chaos

This morning I was touched greatly. Early on in the church service, God spoke to me based on something said by a worship leader about listening for the quiet voice. My spirit got busy with the Spirit and I opened my bible to 1 Kings 19. Elijah was hiding out. God said “What are you doing here?” So Elijah explained to God how bad things were. That made me look at how we think about and respond to the Father. God sent him up to a cave and said "I'll be there."

Elijah went in the cave and waited. Now since I was a small child, I've known this scripture. There was a great wind and it was tearing everything up -but God didn't speak to Elijah in the wind. Then there was an earthquake -but God didn't speak to Elijah in the earthquake. Then there was a raging fire to finish off everything that wasn't touched by the first two -but God didn't speak to Elijah in the fire. Then there was a still small voice. The version I read says a quiet whisper. God said "Tell me again Elijah, What are you doing here?"  

Elijah continued the pity party. “I'm the only good guy left. And they want to kill me.” God gave him instructions about the rest of his life -his final earthly acts- and then said “Oh by the way, I still have 7000 people who haven't sold out to idols or forgotten who I am.”

What I've missed in all the years of reciting this passage is that God didn't waste the chaos. He wasn't just putting on a show. When he was finished, Elijah was prepared to listen to the whisper. God knows how to prepare us to hear what we need to know. Those 'big' things in our day, have a much bigger purpose than tossing our world about. They prepare us for the quiet whisper, for the nudge from behind that says “Take that path.” Yeah, God loves us that much!

And then Stan preached on the Holy Spirit!

A Lesson Learned in Time

Sometimes we get it right, sometimes we get it wrong.

I often try to preclude every problem that can possibly arise in a situation. While I feel that planning and preparation is a necessary part of executing anything, I'm learning that problems are part of life. They are the challenges. They are the little mistakes or maybe not. They are what you didn't expect or couldn't control. They are the stuff life is made of. I'm not saying we shouldn't try to do our best, give our best or put our best foot forward. But our human plans on the best day will only go so far into the realm of reality. Plan, prepare, but know life happens and you're not in control of that.

My granddaughter and her husband traveled to see my 101 year old mother last weekend. We took my daughter and her other daughter and met the family there to take five generation pictures. Knowing time would be short and understanding the workings of a small room, bad lighting, and such, I tried to figure out how it would all go and made the best arrangements I could for when we got there.

There were so many good ideas in the mental making. The visit wasn't what I envisioned at all. The warm and relaxed family interchange visiting around tables didn't happen. It was a rushed visit with tired people and a baby who was out of her comfort zone after traveling for hours in a car seat. We all got there later than I originally envisioned, though my daughter and my other granddaughter, my husband and I had some visit time in the afternoon. The nursing home where my mother resides was totally gracious. My family had the best desires and intentions, but in the end, we just did it.

Time squeezed together frantically. The baby girl was not happy. That created a slightly edgy atmosphere. My mother had not been in the family room where we met to take pictures and visit for a year-and-a-half, so she was somewhat disoriented. She just knew if they'd give her that baby that she could make everything better. The fact that it wouldn't work the way she thought upset her a little more and her already 'agitated by the unfamiliar' condition left her in less than an amiable mood. But the love was there and the pictures happened and that was the best of our hope. The pictures tell the story. You can see the love and the effort and the generations of living that have brought much good with them.

I wish my granddaughter could have spent more time visiting with her great grandma. But life didn't make that happen. In fact, I couldn't either. In my perfect world we would have gotten there mid-afternoon at the latest, gotten acquainted with the room, set it up so it was great for pictures and visited for a while before mom went to supper. The rest of us would have caught a quick bite together and made it back for another visit and picture taking session. Everybody would have been relaxed, in a good mood and ready for the event.

Did it matter that things didn't go the way I had planned? Not really. What mattered was that three families made the effort to come together and love and record the event with the matriarch of the family who's days are changing and narrowing quickly. I'm learning that my plans are not infinite or flawless. It's really better if everyone enjoys a failed plan.

I used to try to force plans to materialize. Luckily, children are resilient and they don't really care about my plans. And they have a sense of humor about it. Adults all have their own plans generally speaking and those probably aren't going like they thought they would either. After it's over, the memories live. No one cares what you really had in mind as they look through pictures or call up the memories.

I don't think I've ever had an event go exactly as I envisioned it. When I gave piano recitals, someone would forget their music, get stage fright, or act silly during a serious piece. Sometimes the cream puffs melted and got mushy before we actually ate them. Sometimes I didn't have time the finish everything I started. Sometimes the decorating didn't get completed. You hide the box, smile and walk into it aright.

Sometimes people interfered or had their own agenda, or came up with a sudden really cool idea that washed my plans right down the sink and out into Never Never Land. Sometimes there's more than one element involved and it's not about my planning at all. Angry stares or sharp words do not make the memories better. Explanations do not make the memories better. But a smile and a quick change of direction make the memories as good as they can be.

It's a lesson you learn in time.

I Choose Love

  I have chosen love. Love doesn't always feel good to the ego. Sometimes our sense of human justice doesn't appreciate love. Sometimes the pain of love feels like hate. It's interesting that the Bible doesn't say “perfect love casts out pain.”

   “Choose love, not war” was a slogan I grew up with. We had no clue back in the late 60s and 70s. There was this idyllic feeling that love would fix everything. Love meant living stress free. If we could all love we would live perfectly. Then we had to grow up-really grow up.

   Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.    Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 

   Most of us have read this “definition” at some point. It's how we all want to be treated and how some aspire to treat others, but this doesn't address the pain of loving.

   There are many things about loving that bring pain, but rejection and loss are perhaps the greatest. When you purposefully choose love, you choose to live through rejection and loss.    From the first time a denied toddler defiantly says “I hate you” to the denied teen shouting the same words, mothers feel the sting of a rejection they must accept for the good of the child and perhaps the home. Some will reply wittily, while other may get angry and reply out of sorts, but in the end, love will stay -along with a small wound caused by the words.

   Rejection takes many forms. Sometimes rejection is imagined in a glance or a tone which ties to a deep inner need or a point of self-consciousness. Sometimes it is tied to harsh words or denial from others. What parent hasn't felt the sting of a superior look or a sharp reprimand from grown children who have no clue that our ways were as sure and new as their own and that we managed to raise them to that elevated superior state without killing them intentionally or otherwise?

   Sometimes friends who have moved up a strata in social or financial status will begin curbing their interaction with those who they feel are not as desirable or upward mobile. The eventual end is loss, but it begins with a time of growing rejection that brings pain. We feel anger, then we feel devalued. It is first at this point of rejection that we must examine our choice to love. In social media I see so many statements about leaving behind anyone who makes you feel less wonderful than you want to feel, anyone who slows you down or lets you down. I am slowly learning to see rejection as a part of the process of loving unconditionally. It is risky. It is painful. But it is the way God has chosen for himself and for us.

   That said, I will interject a disclaimer. Love does not mean that I become a punching bag, a cursing wall or a target for disrespectful treatment. Sometimes love walks out of the room, disconnects the conversation, calls the authorities. Sometimes it feels the gnawing pain in the other and endures, for a time, the onslaught of venomous words. Wisdom is also a gift from the God who gives supernatural love. But love is never really about how it makes me feel.

   Some will be tempted to rescind and perhaps there are times when we should consider whether the issue is supportable before stubbornness sets in. But early on in the process of friendship or parenting or mentoring or managing, there will be resistance to good and right principles. It is there that love takes a stand for integrity, honesty and personal belief while continuing to love aggressively. It is there we learn that a person cannot be argued into submission to our values, standards or belief, but we may yet love. If this moment, if this day, if this life is all I have, I can show extravagant, unconditional, ridiculous love from the heart. In this I become most like my spiritual Father who gave beyond human extravagance because of love. And that creates hope where otherwise there would be no hope.

   Another pain in loving that cannot be avoided is the pain of loss. What mother hasn't looked at her child traipsing off for Kindergarten and ached for the small dependent baby she held close to her side. Sometimes loss is gradual, sometimes it is catastrophic, sometimes it is intentional. It is always painful because of love. The more love, the more pain must be endured in the loss. 

   There was a time when I built secure emotional walls against loss. Some loss I never expected and I agonized for days or months building bitter sores on the inside while creating distance on the outside. I have asked myself “How do I love when the curtain of death has split my heart?” “How do I love when those I love most have walked out and moved on?” But then the 'more excellent way' crowded in and the Father spoke “love.”

   But how? I cannot say that answers come easily. You can't trick yourself into a “happy place.” I know that what has worked for others didn't really work for my life. I have shown 'love' stingily, assuming I would get no return. I have given 'love' lavishly, expecting it to change how other people see and interact with me. In the end, the principle of giving applies as much to love as anything else: I give because I should -period. Once a gift goes out, it is no longer mine to control or assume upon. That moment of loving without limits has to be enough.

   To truly love ridiculously is to love without regard to the cost or the effect. If I love to get love, I can never go beyond the power of the other person. Others will determine the value, the success, the future of my loving. But when I can lay the result at the feet of my God and accept the challenge to love as he gives me opportunity and power, then the reward comes from the one who commanded me to love. Once the expectation is laid aside, the exhilaration of loving is enough. Sometimes I do have to remind myself that true love is never unrequited -even if the return is not from the one you have shown love.

   And so I choose Love – love with all its sappy, funny, painful, emotion. I choose extravagant, crazy love that does not envy, does not boast, is not arrogant. I choose love that does not dishonor others, is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, keeps no scoreboard. I choose love that does not delight in evil but celebrates the truth. This love looks away from myself to always protect, always trust, always hope, always persevere. The human in me may fail, but the Spirit of God in me will show that love first so that I can see the way.

   And perhaps when I look back from the path which love has created, I will see others who followed. That is hope. But regardless, I choose love.

All His Benefits

On Sunday morning, a man in Church read a portion of scripture that is very familiar to me. I could quote along, and I've always assumed the meaning until this past Sunday morning. Psalm 103: 1-6 was the passage being read. My mind stopped at the end of the 2^nd verse at the voice of the Spirit. “Forget not all his benefits.”

So I wrote down what I was hearing in my spirit and Sunday afternoon, I started looking things up. I already felt I knew what 'forget' meant but I looked it up. The meaning was expected: to fail to remember or allow to slip from your knowledge; to inadvertently neglect to do, bring or mention something; to put out of one's mind or refuse to consider. As I thought about the quote that morning, I realized that I have always thought of it as “Don't let his benefits slip from your knowledge.” I don't see the putting out of one's mind or refusing to consider his benefits to be the problem in my life. What God spoke to me about Sunday morning was the inadvertent neglect to bring them along in times of stress -when you need them so desperately. I don't choose to leave them behind, but the hurry, the busy, the concern presses me and I too often enter my day or a conflict without bringing them.

One time years ago, I went to the State Art Convention with only the clothing on my back. I remembered cases of stuff to teach workshops, but I forgot my personal luggage. There was little time, but I found time to shop for a couple of pieces to get me through the conference. Once I showed up at camp with no clean underwear. There are things you just don't allow yourself to leave behind. Replacing them is costly, eats into precious time and leaves you unprepared for the accomplishments ahead.

The Psalmist continues by listing important benefits of having the Lord as our companion: forgiveness of sin, healing, redemption, love and compassion as a crown, satisfaction with good provision, youth renewed, righteousness and justice for the oppressed. As I read the list, I thought of times when I have reached a crisis or climax unprepared for all it could have been because I had inadvertently left one or more of these imperative concepts behind. I owned it. I chose it. I valued it. Yet it was missing in that battle.

If I am to fight sin, I must remember that I am forgiven by the sacrifice of Jesus, not by any stength of my own. Forgiveness of sin is a benefit of the relationship I have with my Lord. It is a cause to praise him. It should never be laid aside and forgotten when I venture out.

If I am to pray in faith, I must remember that healing came by his stripes, not by my righteousness or labor. It is a benefit of knowing Him and his boundless love.

So many parts of my life and the lives of those who are dear to me are in need of redemption. Jesus paid to buy them back from the thief who took them. I can curse him and stomp my feet and tell him he has no right and he will laugh. But he cannot laugh at the blood of the one who paid to buy them back. Redemption is a benefit of knowing the Lord. I will insert here that I believe redemption is an ongoing process throughout the life of a believer. That said, Jesus has already bought the whole thing though it plays out in time and need.

Love and compassion as a crown. A crown is defined as a symbol of authority. The ability to love without limits and show compassion in the greatest conflict is the symbol of authority of our Lord and savior. He said our love would define us to the world. Love is not that slushy easy feeling between teenagers. Love is not really the affection of family and friends, though it can enter into it. Love is the ability to see and elevate the good of another as our own. It is the deep desire to see others succeed even at great cost to us. It is accepting others without compromise.

An alternate meaning for crown is the highest, most visible point. If you love and show compassion, you will be noticed. Some may call it an easy target, but it's harder to shoot uphill. Learn to see it for the benefit it is. Take it along -always.

Satisfaction with good provision. God is our provider but often we lack satisfaction with and perhaps understanding of that provision. He promises to provide but we so often leave this one on the table because it may not look like what we expect. Can we find satisfaction in the benefit of his provision? Can we wait on the Lord? Can we give praise and honor to our God for the difference in our view and his? Can we believe in his boundless love and perfect goodness when it's different than what we expect or want? Yet the satisfaction is as much a benefit as the provision. So much can be said here about how God's people grumble, but the emphasis is on not forgetting the benefit. It will bring joy; I must take care to bring it along.

Youth renewed as the eagle's is another benefit mentioned by the Psalmist. I've always thought of Moses being 120 years old. His eye was not dimmed nor was his natural force abated. There are other heroes of agelessness. And yet the term “as the eagle's” has often interfered with my understanding while it was obviously meant to shed light on how the benefit of renewal works.

I've heard the “inspirational” piece about the eagle plucking out its feathers and knocking off it's beak and talons so it can be renewed again to live another life span. There are problems with that. The main one is that it is totally unfounded. Yet this time I did some research into how eagles molt.

All birds including eagles molt. Yet eagles molt gradually over the course of a year or so. Old feathers are pulled out or fall out and are replaced one at a time. The beak and talons are made of keratin -our fingernails and hair. They grow constantly. They wear and resurface. They take wounds and fill in. Little by little, need by need, the eagle is renewed and lives a long, strong, and honored life.

I read a story about an eagle that had it's beak shot off. It was rescued and fed small salmon strips with forceps. Eventually a 3-D imaged beak was fashioned out of nylon and fixed into place so the bird could eat and learn to hunt again. The intention was to eventually fit the bird with a titanium beak. The nylon beak fell of as the birds own beak began to grow. As of the writing, the bird was not able to return to the wild, but was improving, living, hunting in a limited capacity, and growing in strength and skill again.

That story spoke to me strongly. The crown of love and compassion is sometimes the avenue our Lord uses to bring the benefit of renewal -spiritually, emotionally, physically. Those in distress need a rescuer. We will find ourselves in both categories at different times in life. God's benefit serves both.

The final benefit mentioned by the Psalmist is righteousness and justice for the oppressed. Perhaps the reason it is mentioned last is because when we bring all these benefits together, things are set right and justice is accomplished. Oppression ceases or is healed. Oppression should never be part of the goal or outcome of one who knows the Lord.

Through the understanding of Grace, these benefits are packed carefully and conscientiously into the mind. Understanding who I am in Christ: forgiven, healed and healing, redeemed and being redeemed, crowned with love and compassion, satiated with good things, renewed daily, moment by moment, need by need, receiving and giving justice for the oppressed so that righteousness can prevail in society, allows me to live a victory and praise based life.

That is an amazing benefit package. Let's not leave any of it behind.