Sometimes
we get it right, sometimes we get it wrong.
I
often try to preclude every problem that can possibly arise in a
situation. While I feel that planning and preparation is a necessary
part of executing anything, I'm learning that problems are part of
life. They are the challenges. They are the little mistakes or maybe
not. They are what you didn't expect or couldn't control. They are
the stuff life is made of. I'm not saying we shouldn't try to do our
best, give our best or put our best foot forward. But our human plans
on the best day will only go so far into the realm of reality. Plan,
prepare, but know life happens and you're not in control of that.
My
granddaughter and her husband traveled to see my 101 year old mother
last weekend. We took my daughter and her other daughter and met the
family there to take five generation pictures. Knowing time would be
short and understanding the workings of a small room, bad lighting,
and such, I tried to figure out how it would all go and made the best
arrangements I could for when we got there.
There
were so many good ideas in the mental making. The visit wasn't what I
envisioned at all. The warm and relaxed family interchange visiting
around tables didn't happen. It was a rushed visit with tired people
and a baby who was out of her comfort zone after traveling for hours
in a car seat. We all got there later than I originally envisioned,
though my daughter and my other granddaughter, my husband and I had
some visit time in the afternoon. The nursing home where my mother
resides was totally gracious. My family had the best desires and
intentions, but in the end, we just did it.
Time
squeezed together frantically. The baby girl was not happy. That
created a slightly edgy atmosphere. My mother had not been in the
family room where we met to take pictures and visit for a
year-and-a-half, so she was somewhat disoriented. She just knew if
they'd give her that baby that she could make everything better. The
fact that it wouldn't work the way she thought upset her a little
more and her already 'agitated by the unfamiliar' condition left her
in less than an amiable mood. But the love was there and the pictures
happened and that was the best of our hope. The pictures tell the
story. You can see the love and the effort and the generations of
living that have brought much good with them.
I
wish my granddaughter could have spent more time visiting with her
great grandma. But life didn't make that happen. In fact, I couldn't
either. In my perfect world we would have gotten there mid-afternoon
at the latest, gotten acquainted with the room, set it up so it was
great for pictures and visited for a while before mom went to supper.
The rest of us would have caught a quick bite together and made it
back for another visit and picture taking session. Everybody would
have been relaxed, in a good mood and ready for the event.
Did
it matter that things didn't go the way I had planned? Not really.
What mattered was that three families made the effort to come
together and love and record the event with the matriarch of the
family who's days are changing and narrowing quickly. I'm learning
that my plans are not infinite or flawless. It's really better if
everyone enjoys a failed plan.
I
used to try to force plans to materialize. Luckily, children are
resilient and they don't really care about my plans. And they have a
sense of humor about it. Adults all have their own plans generally
speaking and those probably aren't going like they thought they would
either. After it's over, the memories live. No one cares what you
really had in mind as they look through pictures or call up the
memories.
I
don't think I've ever had an event go exactly as I envisioned it.
When I gave piano recitals, someone would forget their music, get
stage fright, or act silly during a serious piece. Sometimes the
cream puffs melted and got mushy before we actually ate them.
Sometimes I didn't have time the finish everything I started.
Sometimes the decorating didn't get completed. You hide the box,
smile and walk into it aright.
Sometimes
people interfered or had their own agenda, or came up with a sudden
really cool idea that washed my plans right down the sink and out
into Never Never Land. Sometimes there's more than one element
involved and it's not about my planning at all. Angry stares or sharp
words do not make the memories better. Explanations do not make the
memories better. But a smile and a quick change of direction make the
memories as good as they can be.
It's
a lesson you learn in time.
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