Walking With the Prodigal

I've been looking at the story Jesus told about the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-32 and several things occurred to me.

“There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.

“Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living.”

I've heard many people talk about the disrespect it would take for the younger son to demand his part of the family business while his father was still living. Regardless whether that was an issue or not, it is obvious that the boy had no care or respect for his father. Also, the father granted his request, though he had no obligation to do so. Since according to the law, property could not be sold out of the clan and was only leased until Jubilee, the father no doubt gave him the worth of the land he would one day possess.

The son had no preparation to take his inheritance. He was suddenly wealthy. He got as far away from the father as he could. But he had no value for the estate as is shown by “squandering his wealth in wild living.”

After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

The son had no skill set with which to recover, especially in adverse conditions. It is obvious that his employer was shrewd and cruel. He wouldn't even let him have the hog's food. He did see his father as a fair and kind employer, yet there is no indication that he cared more for his father than he had when he left.

“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’

I don't see that he ever missed or desired a relationship with his father. He saw going back to the father as a goal to get what he needed. He was hungry. He was doing something that he had considered dishonorable and repulsive from his birth, yet he had no satisfaction, he had no sustenance. He said to himself “the people in my father's house have food.” They had clean food. They had kosher food. He had no doubt that his father's estate was doing well.
I'm also realizing that the prodigal knew he had wasted his inheritance. He knew that his future had been changed by his own actions. He was not going home to an inheritance. He was going home to sustenance.

So he got up and went to his father.

He expected to be an outcast, a reject. No longer would he be the spoiled son of a rich father. In the story, the father actually confirmed that when he told his older son that everything he had was his; the older son owned everything except his father's compassion. He did not have the Father's heart.

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

“The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

Perhaps the brother saw the prodigal's selfish motive and that he was not different than when he left, but the love of the father had brought him back in the home any way. The younger son was not just brought into the home, but he was clothed in the best, he was given a signet ring-a seal of authority, and the father killed the ceremonial calf to throw a party for him. He was given the best of everything and renewed sonship without lifting a finger. The father didn't even allow the younger son to finish his rehearsed speech.

Legalism said “I have nothing to gain except sustenance”; mercy said “put an identifying robe and ring on the prodigal, for he is my son.” The prodigal left as a son by the father's wealth and by the father's decree, he returned as a son.

Returning as an employee may have been easier for the prodigal. Finding mercy that is so obviously mercy can be difficult for the proud, whether or not they are in a position of honor. I'd like to think that the prodigal had his pride stripped away in the hog farm. Yet he did not ask his father for anything but a job. He admitted his trespass against the father and against heaven, but he didn't plan repentance or a request for forgiveness into his speech. Maybe that's why the father stopped him.

“Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’

“The older brother became angry and refused to go in.
Justice says “He doesn't really deserve to be called your son.” Grace says “Put a ring and robe on the prodigal.” We can get so busy trying to do justly that we don't retain a love for mercy, but the Father does and if we're going to have his heart we have to allow him to reproduce mercy in us.
It's also possible that in concentrating on his brother's selfishness, that the other son became selfish and didn't want his brother taking anything that was his. The father was trying to teach his faithful son to give and forgive.

So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’

The picture of this father begging his older son is almost more than I can endure. How many times has the Holy Spirit argued with my angry heart about forgiveness and mercy? More than I would like to consider. The disrespect that the 'faithful son' shows here is quite telling. This estate was his inheritance, yet he speaks as though he was a slave who, though obedient, was not compliant with the spirit or intention of the father. “You gave me nothing. You never allowed me to celebrate with my friends.” It appears the sons were not so very far apart in spirit. Yet obedience is obedience and the father was compassionate and merciful to both his sons.

“‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

Though the inheritance had been spent, sonship was still in effect, and brotherhood should have been. The faithful son had nothing to fear from the returning prodigal. His obedience was honored, yet the father wanted to change his heart.

About Losses.

This has been a day when the events of the past month have crowded my life and brain. Any writing on it could be entitled “Necessary Losses”, but someone has already written that book and though I may agree with some of the premise, it's not my book.

The Sunday after camp my phone lost its connection to my cell service provider. In the restoration efforts, after a suggested back-up of all files, I lost most everything. None of that worked and the replacement took 2 weeks. I ordered a new phone even though the old was under a total replacement warrantee because doing without for 2 weeks didn't work for my business or my life. When the new phone came, it was a blank slate and I was totally frustrated. I didn't like the 'new and improved' very much, though it is quite a nice phone. In fact, I've replaced some of the new and improved with old programs that work more like I want them to. There are things that are quite good about the new phone. But I had lost all my journal material that wasn't glued to the internet and my computer already. I lost all the day planner stuff. I lost texts that I frequently referred to and I lost some contact information. I live on my phone. I felt blind sided. I'd had that phone over 2 years and it was the best device I've ever owned. It was my buddy. It had my prayer wall, my pictures, my journal. Some of it I got back; some I did not.

The end of April, my computer was doing a windows update when the power went out. HP backed me up before doing a total restore and I limped out of it with a positive, if somewhat frustrated mindset.

I didn't get my 'office' back. Works was a sorry excuse for 'Office' and I resorted to a program I had used years before when I lost 'Office'. It was a little different, but worked generally well and much better than works for any kind of graphic presentation. Who knew that HP and Microsoft don't play on the same field as Open Office?

Less than a week after losing and replacing my phone, my power went out during another windows update. HP backed me up again and did a total restore. I thought, “This is a pain, but I know how to do it.” What I didn't know was that I would lose all of the Open Office material in the back up and restore. 2 months of work-gone. Graphic files- gone. Current financial and student records- gone. Documents- gone. Everything I had accomplished in two months with Open Office was gone.

I've been incredibly busy since the time of that restore. I've been able to piece some of the records back together. I had posted some of the writings. I have copies of some of the recipes and I got some of them off the internet in the first place. This year's camp book is a total loss: weeks of work. But I still have last year's book and a physical copy of this year's book. I have a physical copy of a brochure I made for an organization I work with. Yet there are so many holes.

During the second camp I was hit with a personal and spiritual battle that I was not prepared to fight. I have since gotten that under the cross and extended forgiveness, yet it left me exhausted and feeling spiritually vulnerable. I am flesh. I am tied to this earth through my humanity as surely as I am tied to the cross through grace by faith. I thought I was strong- I was not. I thought I was above bitter anger- I was not. I thought I had learned keys that would keep me under the shadow of the almighty. I had to learn that my keys are only as good as my preparation for the day.

I've always skirted around or skimmed over the center part of David's story -you know, the Bathsheba/Uriah part. That also includes the Nathan part and the Amnon part and the Absalom part and all that stuff. I don't like loss and I don't like familial conflict. I don't like trying to understand any of that. Things should work differently -especially for God's own. Especially for those who have entered His shadow- those who trust, abide in him and learn to love him with all their heart, mind, soul and strength.  But God has slowed me down and broken my heart for Donna and David in these passages.

He knows I am dust. He understands my distraction and wandering and he still said “Come!” that day in April 1967. He still said “Be still and I will pass over and through you and you will be forever changed" in 1970. He still said “Receive my love without restraint" in 1974. He still said “I'm with you always and I will do what I have planned in your life regardless of your circumstance and weakness” in 1983. He still said “You have purpose yet to accomplish and much to learn” in 1996. He said “I will walk with you through the storm and on the waves” in 2000. He said “Follow me only and learn what I will teach you” in 2002. He said “I'm here and I will be here always” in 2006. He said “You will know me in the wind” in 2008.

Again and again as I have struggled to believe and trust, he has spoken to me. Again and again as I have lost my focus and my closeness to him, he has called me back and brought restoration. Lost things are found in Him. Lost ways are found in Him. He is my restorer, my savior, my rebuilder. He holds the future and the past in 'I am'. I lost things I had worked to create. He spoke 'Let there be . . .' and there it was. I've lost relationships to foolishness and human error. He said 'Donna! I'll be with you always, clear to the end of it all.' I've lost physical strength and ability. He said 'My strength is perfected in weakness.'

I'm still anxious when I come to the files and try to rework them from sketchy information and clouded memories. But God hasn't lost anything and I can still ask. I'm still discouraged when I see shattered relationships that seem to have no answer. But God is the restorer of breaks and the mender of hearts. I'm still overwhelmed by the swiftness of days and hours and the heavy toll they take on the spirit, body and mind. But he- the timeless one- spoke and time began. He turned back the clock for some and he elongated time for others.

He is my God, my strength, my covering. I can trust him with the losses whether they are necessary or will be restored.

Today I Choose

Last week I got slammed publicly. It was done in front of people who should have stepped in and supported me but they did not. In my late 60s, a time when I should be respected for good choices, for kind acts, for trying to encourage, help, and serve others, I was treated like a delinquent teenager who was defying rules that had never been spoken. 
For a week I have struggled with it. I don't need to name names or give specifics. Suffice it to say that it was a very unkind and inappropriate act. The problem with it is it's been done to other people I care about. It's been done to good people who gave as much or more than I have given and were as unprepared to deal with it as I was. And it left deep wounds behind. I have tried to encourage those people in the past and help them find grace in their time of need. So it hit me doubly strong and I could not get over it.
The injuries that make no sense are the hardest injuries to get past- like the car wreck I did not see coming. I had done nothing to cause it, nor could I prevent it, and yet I was left wounded and disabled. This act has left me paralyzed in the spirit and hampered in the flesh for a long busy week.
Today I came with another cry for help. That cry has come out many times in the past week, because I don't like being that person and I don't want bitterness to grab hold of my life. Yet this morning was a little different. In my memories on Facebook-imagine that, were several instances of grace and healing. And the words "I choose forgiveness and grace" jumped out at me.
There were also strong reminders that God is there in my failures, in my successes, in my dark times, in my happiness. He has been my God and will be tomorrow and the next day and the next day into eternity. This exists because Jesus said "it's finished" on the cross.
No person has the right to determine my relationship with God. No action has the right to separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus. Jesus is there regardless of what anyone else does. Forgiveness and grace are mine to choose as much as it was the choice of others to wound. What others do with their heart and words is between them and God.
I must choose forgiveness and grace to walk in mercy and joy. Before my God and any I have involved, today I choose grace. Today I choose mercy. Today I choose forgiveness.