Grace and Truth

I've been thinking on the concept of God's ownership for over a week.  This was the process from my morning devotion.  You may or may not agree with me but I'd like your comments if you wish to read and leave them.

Mark 12 

1 Jesus then began to speak to them in parables: “A man planted a vineyard.  He put a wall around it, dug a pit for the winepress and built a watchtower.

I am the vineyard cleaned out and planted by God, prepared to be functional and productive.  He built a watchtower: a place where I can go to see what is coming, what to guard against, what to be open to.

Then he rented the vineyard to some farmers and moved to another place.

I was left in charge, but others also have responsibility in my life.  I was not left alone in this charge.  I was given other people.  I was given tools.  We are not to be ‘onlys’ in God’s vineyard.

2 At harvest time he sent a servant to the tenants to collect from them some of the fruit of the vineyard.

I am expected to tend what God planted in me.  He wanted to collect some of that fruit.  It is important that I and my fellow farmers are successful.  I should be weeding, watering, protecting that which God planted in me.  Others should be weeding, watering, protecting what God planted in me.  When I cannot be in the watchtower, someone should be there for me.  (and I for them)

3 But they seized him, beat him and sent him away empty-handed. 4 Then he sent another servant to them; they struck this man on the head and treated him shamefully. 5 He sent still another, and that one they killed. He sent many others; some of them they beat, others they killed.

The messengers of God take many forms.  We must know who to let in and who is the enemy.  We must know when to give and when to protect.  The vineyard is our responsibility not our possession.  I am bought with a price. 

6 “He had one left to send, a son, whom he loved. He sent him last of all, saying, ‘They will respect my son.’

7 “But the tenants said to one another, ‘This is the heir. Come, let’s kill him, and the inheritance will be ours.’ 8 So they took him and killed him, and threw him out of the vineyard.

What have I done with the messengers of God?  Why?  What have I done with the vineyard?  Have I been allowing predators to eat the vines and destroy the grapes?  Have I sold the grapes or given them away?  Am I guilty, ashamed, embarrassed?  Do I think of the messengers of God as my enemies?

9 “What then will the owner of the vineyard do?

God owns the vineyard.  He bought it, planted it and outfitted it for his glory and joy.  He has been patient over time and given space and freedom to the farmers.  He expected fruit.

He will come and kill those tenants and give the vineyard to others.

There is a sin not unto death.  There is a sin unto death.  Turn around, change your mind and action while it is still today.

10 Haven’t you read this passage of Scripture:

“‘The stone the builders rejected has become the cornerstone;

11 the Lord has done this, and it is marvelous in our eyes’?”

‘I will not do this for your sakes; for my name’s sake I will redeem you’  and yet can I believe that he will always fix the vineyard I neglect? 

12 Then the chief priests, the teachers of the law and the elders looked for a way to arrest him because they knew he had spoken the parable against them. But they were afraid of the crowd; so they left him and went away.

Will he always redeem and not condemn our actions?   GRACE and TRUTH, grace and truth.

What choice do I have?

I really want to blog.  I want to pour out my heart and soul and watch it bleed through the floor boards and soak into the ground below.  There is so much in my life and mind right now that should have some purpose if only to stir or entertain someone else.  SO..., if a woman screams into a pillow and no one hears, does it make a difference?  What's the point of screaming into your pillow anyway. 
I need a good hike.  My dog isn't really ready for that yet and it's in the tripple digets most days right now anyway.  But this would have been the week to have done it except for those two obvious problems. 
I lost the lions share of my income this week to a worn out ac fan.  I'm contemplating doing something I don't really want to do.  I'm praying for awareness and truth and finding lies and someone else's awareness in the offing.  I have to admit that the lack of respect and faith in what I was doing may have been deserved.  I want to explain.  I want to justify.  I want to remind myself and others that I was told it would be a faith walk.  But the heart I once believed in has failed.  The dream I once espoused came about but brought only inadequacy and defeat.  I am left asking myself 'what kind of fool does that?' and then feeling guilty for my own lack of faith.  
I can't seem to get out of this loop.  Every time I see a side road and jump onto it, it comes right back here.  My spirit says 'just believe.' 'hang on.'  My mind says it's been 8 years of 'believe and hang on'.  A war is waged for my heart.  And yet, I speak to others the words I hear, "Believe; trust; keep on the path; walk day by day.  Believe" and wonder if I am still the biggest fool of all.  "I must believe.  It's all I have." 
Okay, now where's that paperwork?

If you can. . .

I've been traveling a mental trail of late that coincided much with my morning reading.  The part that grasped my mind this morning and would just not let go was found in verses 22 and 23:  "But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.” . . .  “‘If you can’?” said Jesus.  
I recall a time when I was arguing with God about something he told me I was to do several years back.  My life was not in great shape and I feared taking on such a potentially disastrous project but if God said so, I'd do it.  I told God I had to know that it was him and not just me thinking these things.  His reply was astoundingly clear and direct.  He asked me who I was talking to.
To the credit of the man mentioned in these verses, he had just come from the failed efforts of a group of Jesus' commissioned followers -disciples- who had been healing and delivering all over the place.  Yet they had been unsuccessful at delivering his son from this horrid condition.  But Jesus knew that.  He knew the man had brought his son and had asked him to take pity on them.  He knew there was faith there even if it was imperfect.  Yet he was amazed at the words 'if you can do anything . . .'  Perhaps his statements were to reveal to the man that he did have faith even though it was not perfect in his eyes.  And Jesus delivered his son.  And he told the disciples that such a kind of deliverance required more spiritual involvement through prayer and even fasting -which Jesus did regularly.
So what did God have for me this morning in this.  Perhaps that questioning my faith is a useless thing.  Perhaps that constantly doubting my ability to let God use me or willingness to just accept his favor and blessing because of his great love is somewhat of an affront to the God who loves me.  I've been struggling with 'faith comes by hearing the word of God, when I've clearly understood the word of God.'  But I tried and was not successful, Lord.  In Ephesians 6 he says:   10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Perhaps I'm more involved in the 'doing everything' than in the 'stand your ground' part.
Mark 9:
17 A man in the crowd answered, “Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. 18 Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not.”
19 “You unbelieving generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me.”  20 So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth.
21 Jesus asked the boy’s father, “How long has he been like this?”  “From childhood,” he answered. 22 “It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”  
23 “‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.”  24 Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”  
Once more I ask "Remove the veil that keeps me from seeing truth."  "Help me to believe in the effect of the faith I have"  'Help me to just keep on doing what I believe I should do."

of governers and kings

We are told in the Bible to rule our own spirits.  I realized a couple of days ago that the only thing I rule is myself.  I don't control the weather, my family, my circumstances, my job, the appliances and vehicles, my friends or really even my dog.  My own little inside world is the only spot I control and that is more as a governor than as a King.  I have a king, my rule is beneath his.  I got to thinking about the parables about stewardship in that light.  How do I represent my King?  How much do I care about his opinion, his work, his doings in my little world?  Am I faithful with the 'stuff' he purchased and let me have charge over?  Am I timid about investing his 'riches' within this world of mine?  Am I neglecting the potential harvest because I'm too busy with other concerns or with trying to run someone else's kingdom?  When he sends his 'messengers' do I reject them, beat them, or do away with them so I can rule without interference from my King?  I must admit the train of thought can wander into far country, but it's worth the consideration.  

They didn't understand.

I'm old.  I should have gotten some understanding in all these years.  A couple of days ago, I read in the Book of Mark how two different times the disciples were afraid or confused and the writer said it was because they didn't understand about the 'loaves'.  In one place after Jesus spoke a warning to them, they were trying to figure out what he was talking about and he reminded them of the multiplication of the bread and said how can you not understand?  Well I have recently reread the stories of the loaves and I must admit that while I believe it and have committed to the facts given, I don't understand about the loaves either.
In that simple act of Jesus, there is obviously a key to some understanding of our relationship to this world and it's limitations that goes beyond my understanding.  Last Sunday, Stan told us that we need to ask for understanding.  I have done that, but there is a missing piece that keeps me bound to the limitations of this world.  Though I know that God is not all about me having every little wish granted, I never have believed that we should be confined to unmet needs and apologizing for unanswered prayers. Yet, we just don't comprehend the meaning of what Jesus did when he made the people sit down, blessed what they had and began to part it out.  Some say he made the crowd satisfied with the very small portion they received.  Come on now, read the story!
I come up against a legitimate need or a crazy out there idea and I know in my heart it is a breath away - if I could only understand.  My life is so full of absurdity and I succumb, because what else can a person do?  l feel my own lack and I pray for God's great wisdom and power to change me into a patient, kind and right thinking person, and then I walk away in the same defeat I came in.  Yet I believe.  I will continue to believe even when I can't understand.
If I had the understanding I need, I don't believe I would use it for wrong.  Without understanding, I would be a tyrant with power.  Last spring I screamed out to God believing that I had the 'information' and understanding about a problem.  I wanted to call forth destruction on a person who had injured one of my own.  I'm a bit of a mama tiger at times.  In time I realized that I did not understand the problem at all.  I had screamed "I want this fixed!"  Guess what, God began answering that prayer even though I didn't know the truth about what needed fixed.  The answer to that prayer brought me shame and humility and has revealed my weakness and my own injustice.  I still want it fixed, but the fix went somewhere I could never have asked to go.
Last Saturday, I was injured.  The injury has hung onto my heart for a week.  I have been here before.  I know these waters.  I need to get out of this cesspool filled with disease and unfathomable danger.  The monsters that live there should have been vanquished long ago.  I thought they were, but here I am: repulsed by the stench and defeated by dragons that I should not have to face at all.
My spirit has been crying "Give me understanding!"  But my mind and my heart are captive.  I fear what is walking across the water toward me in the storm.  But I know.  I should be able to rise up and walk out of this sewer of despair and pity.  Yet I hear him say.  Do you not remember the loaves?  To my shame, I must admit I don't understand.