Life Marathon

I'm preparing for a marathon! Not a running, walking 26.2 miles marathon but a 'finishing all things well' marathon. God has been preparing me for some time. I don't think I recognized what he was doing.

It's not as catchy as biking Imogene Pass or hiking the Continental Divide Trail or running the Trans-American or rowing the Atlantic Ocean. I won't bring in money for a great cause or stir awareness to a grave condition, though for sure, those things are attached to this challenge. For me finishing well is a worthy goal. I do have a bucket list -a very few may know what is on it- but finishing well was never on that list. 'Finishing well' sounds so negative -so final. But recently I've begun to think about what it would mean to finish well. Paul said he had run his race and finished his course and that there was a crown (to us that would equal a trophy or medal) awaiting. So what does it look like for Donna to finish well?

I have RA. My skin breaks out and get crusty patches, my veins break and bleed under or through the skin, my joints ache and stiffen and some show signs of deformity at times. My heart races at times though most of the time I have low blood pressure and low blood sugar. Some things don't work like they have and should sometimes. Walking up stairs can be grueling; walking down stairs can be catastrophic. According to the doctors, RA doesn't go away. You live with it. I know doctors are not God; that's been so evident in my life from childhood to this year. I respect the doctors for their training and ethic, but I trust my God for my life, health and eternity.

So what about RA. I've asked for healing, but as yet I'm still dealing with it, but I have decided not to let it define me. So what will define me? My answer is part of Donna finishing well. Faith first; wisdom second; discipline third.

Faith:I will ask again for healing, knowing that my God can blink his eyes and take this away in less than a breath. But the greater faith comes when it's not gone and I still know with all that is in me that God is faithful to me and that his love for me is beyond comprehension.

Wisdom: God created this earth and this body in wisdom. If I ignore the wisdom he used in creation and in establishing the physical world, I cannot expect success in living well or finishing well. Wisdom takes some research and a mind to receive it. Some will ignore wisdom because of their own idea of enjoyment. Over indulgence in eating, lack of exercise, lack of sunshine and fresh air, not allowing enough time to rest or relax, not drinking enough pure water, excess in chemicals and alcohol, excess of sugar, all these are a willful discarding of wisdom and in time bring physical consequence.

Discipline: Once I know what is good, agreeing that it is good and practicing good as a life style is discipline. Discipline is a house built on a firm foundation. Sometimes discipline requires behaving and thinking creatively. While suffering with the spider bite last year, I could not exercise normally, but through creative thinking I began water exercises that increased my heart rate, lung capacity and overall body strength while not making the injury to the leg worse: discipline applied through wisdom.

The truth is even if my Father saw my faith and healed my body of the RA, I would need faith, wisdom and discipline to finish well. Faith knows my God is real and personal. Faith sees that he is able and full of grace. Faith realizes that God's love will always do the best for me whether I concur or not.

Wisdom is the greater part of intuition and knowledge together. Wisdom learns all it can about the situation I am in. Wisdom is defensive driving, eyes and mind open to what is going on around me. Wisdom is knowing when to act, how to act, when to speak, how to speak. Wisdom is intuitive in buying and knowledgeable about products and prices. Wisdom is turning it up, turning it off, listening to the small voice inside.

Discipline is getting up to see the sunrise. Discipline is praising when I am down and gratitude when I feel need. Discipline is completing the task when I am tired and exercising when I want to zone out. Discipline is reading the Bible because I have one. Discipline is stopping to listen to the voice of wisdom before making decisions. Discipline is keeping

promises and appointments. Discipline is preparing lessons for my students and resourcing them before hand.

I watched a movie recently about a runner. He was facing heath issues and disability but completed an ultra-marathon against all odds. For me, preparing to run this marathon and finish well means a change of focus: fear to faith, a change of input: want to wisdom, and a change of action: dysfunction to discipline. Each day is one more day in my marathon which ends when I stand before my Father to receive my crown-medal-trophy and hear him say “Welcome! Well done.”

Earthly Solutions to God-sized Problems

I feel frustrated with all my news sources. They destroy our confidence in our way of government and in those who govern. They are doing it for profit -even the best of them. You don't have to go out of the temple to find the mental money changers and everyone is being told its the other guy's fault. “Buy my goods. I have the truth and can fix this.” Then when it's not fixed, “We didn't have enough funding.” But that's not God.

Young minds, by virtue of time of association alone, cannot see that this is not the way our government was set up or the way God works. There is a deeper, more sinister plot to rob our country of its reason and destroy our lives as we have known them. If you look at what is being attacked, you can follow it back and see where the attack is coming from.

I am tired, tired of the spin. The Christian community is as faithless in this as the far left! That's what hurts my heart and spirit. In the book of Malachi, the people had a comeback for every message God brought them. It struck me that they also had the 'spin doctors'. Many of them were secularists; many were deep-seated conservatives, but no one was responding to God and his message or his promises. They had their own tree of knowledge!

People come to me with the story and the hype and I just want to scream “STOP!” Can the prophets of plenty or the prophets of doom make anything happen? They cannot. They cry out “If you will fund us we can do this” but they really can't. I'm not against benevolence and I understand that the worker is worthy of his hire. There are things that we should support but money -coming or going- isn't what we should be looking to for personal salvation.

There came a point when a leader of the newly established nation of Israel said “Give me your valuables and we'll create a god you can follow.” That was a disaster but they were a young nation, not established in a God relationship. They had only recently become free men and women after being conditioned to slavery for centuries.

Later and later, again and again, the people of Israel gave out of their hearts huge amounts to serve the true God. In fact, Moses had to tell them “Enough!” There is a time to give and when you know your God, you will understand the giving. You will also understand that God is able to take a heart truly open and in love with him and do 'amazing'. When he is leading, there is supply, there is funding, there is progress even amid persecution and financial downturn.

The problem is that “good” people on the “good” side with “good” agendas are not always in that open-heart love relationship with Father God. They trust flesh much more than Spirit. Their plans are carnal even though they are “good”. They raise support through fear and anger. That should be the first red flag.

Back to Aaron: the people didn't know where their leader Moses had gone. They began to panic. They needed a focus, a direction, something to believe in and follow. It needed done now. Aaron had only recently begun to have a relationship with the God of his brother. He wasn't established or secure in it yet. He didn't really know how all that worked yet.

There are parts of that story that are only beginning to gel in my mind. Aaron was acquainted with idolatry. In Egypt it was the way of life, a way of focus. I've considered the time it takes to make a huge statue from metal such as silver and gold and I realize Moses had not disappeared into the mountain for a really long time when the fear started.

Fear isn't a rational thing even though it seems like it. These people had been through a lot, just as we have been through a lot in our world. They were beginning to experience what God could do, but it wasn't personal yet. For many of us, God is a great idea, but following Him is not a personal thing. So we look for a leader. We look for an earthly solution to God sized problems.

We have many Aarons who will find a way to focus us and give us something to believe in and follow, but it's not truth; it has no 'amazing' only hype. And besides, the spin doctors are really good at pulling the issues out so we can see them and fear them well.

DISCLAIMER: I am not dissing Aaron. He became a valuable servant of God. Go read the story (it's in Exodus)!

Grace, grace, peace!

I was awakened early in the morning by the words "Let the peace of Christ rule in your heart." It's a curious thing and I've spent quite a bit of time thinking on it today. There are several issues around my world that have stirred up every emotion from depression, to pending loss, to worry, to fear. Jesus said I'm going to give you my peace and I don't give peace like the world gives peace. Reference John 14. Then he commanded -”Don't let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” His disciples didn't know how troubled their hearts would be a few hours after he spoke those words. He knew. He told them he was supplying peace of a whole different kind and level than what they were accustomed to. I don't know how much his words meant to them in the coming hours and days. I believe that after his resurrection, those words were incredible to them.

Of late, God has been teaching me the concept of speaking grace into stressful or fearful situations and then speaking peace to my own heart. I've truly become amazed at the results. Yet when 'stuff' comes up around me, I do become anxious and fearful. I really hadn't thought of it as fearful until the last few days. I like to say I'm concerned, but I realized that it is my fears that keep me in turmoil. I know what I believe should happen and what I wish would happen in a number of pressing situations and yet I have no control over any of them. Even in things I once thought I could control, I find I am helpless and I become anxious, worried and fearful. Everything from selfish emotional concerns to what I consider dire, destructive circumstances twist me inside. At the least, I lose. And the worst, others suffer. It seems hopeless in several rights, but then he speaks “Let not your heart be troubled; neither let it be afraid.” “Let the peace of Christ rule in your heart.” Colossians 3.

Paul instructed the Christians in Philippi not to be anxious or worried about anything but instead let God know what they need and want, retaining their thankfulness and he added "the peace of God which cannot be understood with the mortal mind will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4. Sometimes the pressure of the unknown, the pressure of desire for good results and solutions becomes so great that the heart feels it will explode. The mind is overwhelmed. I've prayed. I've done my best to be thankful and show gratitude and yet I am overwhelmed.

Jesus promised the Holy Spirit as a companion, teacher, helper to believers. One of the fruits of the Spirit is peace. Add that to his statement the night before his crucifixion and I see that he was saying “You already have been given incredible peace for every situation you will face.” Many of the scriptures I looked up this morning testify to that gift and empowerment of peace, so why don't I feel peace. Then the voice from the early hours speaks again to me “Let the peace of Christ rule in your heart.”

It was then amid all the verses, all the self recrimination, all the pain and angst of an unknown future, that a lesson from the past spoke to me again. With your mind you repent. With your mind you choose. Then the heart will follow. The will and the power to do will be there. If my mind will not choose to believe in the amazing goodness and grace of God regardless of what I see, my heart will not let the peace of Christ rule. If I choose to go back to the hype, back to the worry, back to the unknown that I cannot control, the heart will not let peace rule. When I speak 'grace,' I turn from the problem and speak 'peace' to my own heart. I must not return the way I came.

Let the Peace of Christ rule in your heart since as members of one body you were called to peace and be thankful. Colossians 3:15. Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14: 27. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with Thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6, 7.

What I Do Now

What am I supposed to do now?

Do I scream, cry, complain, laugh, sulk, wait patiently, withdraw? I certainly won't have anything to do with the outcome regardless. Each of these choices would feel really good for a few seconds. You notice I didn't include trust, pray and seek God's council. I've already been stabbing at those. Before you get too philosophical, just stop.

Scream: This choice is generally done in my studio -by myself or on my hill -by myself. If on the hill, I'm sure a neighbor or two is alarmed, but they've probably gotten to the point where they say “The crazy lady's loose again” and as long as it ends fairly quickly, they will probably just ignore it. The immediate release of emotion and tension has a good effect for a few moments. There have been a couple of times when it took care of the problem completely. It's not generally my first line of resolution.

Cry: This is a given. I cry easily -not often for joy as my father did. Gut-wrenching sobs can have the same effect as the scream -or not. When accompanied by prayer, the cathartic effect is more common. But in the end, no one but me and God cares and I usually really want someone to care.

Complain: I'm learning to reign this in some. I can't say I've conquered it, but I find that those who care are the fixers and human fixes are usually more problematic than positive and can hurt the people I least desire to hurt. Complain isn't in the Holy Spirit's vocabulary and certainly isn't in God's fixit list.

Laugh: Short-lived and fake, this has little curative value. Other people may like it better, but not generally the people who know me really well.

Sulk: This may not solve anything, but it generally doesn't hurt anyone in the process -and one of my main sulking techniques is to busy myself frantically. I may not solve the problem, but I get the studio clean, weeding done, things planted and fixed and sometimes good pottery started. The big off in this is that I set expectations for my normal life that won't ever be met and everything loses its sparkle pretty fast. The on is that I'm usually too tired to care for awhile.

Wait patiently: In human strength, this lasts about 20 seconds to max a half hour and that's on a busy day. In the strength of prayer and the Holy Spirit, the odds of success are much better and generally lead to strengthening of trust.

Withdraw: Again in human strength, withdrawal is not a good result. I'm quite rutted into withdrawal during the catastrophes of life. I'd rather choose “flight” than “fight” most times. It produces results I can live with, but not results I want or that bring out the best in me or others. I won't get into the TMI mode here, but believe me when I say I know the landscape of withdrawal from all sides. It's not a pretty scene. Yet there are times when the Spirit cautions us to pull back and look at the problem from a distance and other times when he says stay here and I will fight this battle for you. This is a reasonable and effective side of withdrawal that utilizes trust, prayer and the active council of Father God.

I tend to want things fixed and I'm a fixer. After my efforts and resources are exhausted, I want God to fix it and I have really firm pictures of what “fix it” should look like. More than once in this mode, God has spoken to me in -so far- gentle reprimands, reminding me of who he is and who I am and what the spirit of the kingdom is all about. Sadly, it's never been about me getting my way. Yet, I still want things fixed.

I begin asking others for prayer strength. I do believe God hears the voice of one of his own, but I believe in the strength of unified prayer. I have to exert caution here, because prayer requests can become gripe sessions very easily and complaining doesn't energize the Father.

I have difficulty in asking for unified prayer for a couple of reasons. One is the fog of ego that humans see through when looking at any problem. If you say you don't, I will leave that right there and let the Spirit instruct you in his own time. My other blind spot is the greyspace of redemption. When God says “Vengeance is mine; I will repay.” It is based on two things: God's unfathomable love for all mankind, and God's unclouded knowledge of all the pieces in any situation. While I'm seldom looking for vengeance, I see that it applies to all human interactions and solutions as well.

And so, once more I face the day with a heart load of “fix-its”. I know only God has any solution for any of what I face. The solutions are limitless and beyond human understanding. My human side would join with the captain of Israel's armies and say “This is impossible. God would have to open heaven and we can't count on that.” But I know where that reasoning took him. And I know God's solution was not based in human reasoning or ability. That said, I know he is powerful; I know he is loving and merciful; I know he is truly righteous and just. He has the answers and I can't do anything about it anyway.

Will the coming storm be pleasant? I don't expect it to be. Will I cry? Undoubtedly. Will I complain? I hope minimally. Will I laugh? Very little I fear. Will I sulk? I need to get a lot done! Will I be patient? If the Holy Spirit overwhelms me. Will I withdraw? I hope only to see the power and love of God. Will I come out unscathed? Does it really matter if my God is there all the while using all things for my good?

He says “Let me decide the outcome. I promise to act.”

God doesn't waste the chaos

This morning I was touched greatly. Early on in the church service, God spoke to me based on something said by a worship leader about listening for the quiet voice. My spirit got busy with the Spirit and I opened my bible to 1 Kings 19. Elijah was hiding out. God said “What are you doing here?” So Elijah explained to God how bad things were. That made me look at how we think about and respond to the Father. God sent him up to a cave and said "I'll be there."

Elijah went in the cave and waited. Now since I was a small child, I've known this scripture. There was a great wind and it was tearing everything up -but God didn't speak to Elijah in the wind. Then there was an earthquake -but God didn't speak to Elijah in the earthquake. Then there was a raging fire to finish off everything that wasn't touched by the first two -but God didn't speak to Elijah in the fire. Then there was a still small voice. The version I read says a quiet whisper. God said "Tell me again Elijah, What are you doing here?"  

Elijah continued the pity party. “I'm the only good guy left. And they want to kill me.” God gave him instructions about the rest of his life -his final earthly acts- and then said “Oh by the way, I still have 7000 people who haven't sold out to idols or forgotten who I am.”

What I've missed in all the years of reciting this passage is that God didn't waste the chaos. He wasn't just putting on a show. When he was finished, Elijah was prepared to listen to the whisper. God knows how to prepare us to hear what we need to know. Those 'big' things in our day, have a much bigger purpose than tossing our world about. They prepare us for the quiet whisper, for the nudge from behind that says “Take that path.” Yeah, God loves us that much!

And then Stan preached on the Holy Spirit!