Early on the first day of the week, while it was
still dark, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and saw that the stone had been
removed from the entrance. John 20:1
When you read all four
gospels, you get different pictures of the event. But reading John, I just wonder what made Mary go early to the
tomb, early, as in before daybreak. We
learn that the group of women went at dawn.
Now I’m just thinking that Mary had some things she wanted to say in
private. Often people do speak to their
departed loved ones words of regret or gratitude.
I remember waking early the
day of my father’s funeral and going outside.
I put music on loud enough that I could hear it outside and I went out
to work on a patio I was making.
Physical work often frees my mind to think, to try to resolve. And so that morning, I worked hard and talked
to my dad for the first time since he had died.
The Bible refers to the departed saints as a great cloud of witnesses. And so, though I knew he understood things
that I would not for some time, I talked to him about struggles, about
concerns, about joys. No, I was not
praying or worshiping; I was just talking.
So perhaps it is easy for me
to think of Mary going to the tomb to talk to Jesus about struggles, concerns
and even joys. We don’t really know why
she went so early. We do know that when
she saw that the stone was moved, she assumed that the body had been as well
and she ran back to tell Peter and John who were also heading out to the tomb
early.
11 Now Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she
wept, she bent over to look into the tomb and saw two angels in white, seated
where Jesus’ body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot. They asked her, “Woman, why are you crying?”
“They have taken my Lord away,” she said, “and I
don’t know where they have put him.”
14 At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing
there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus. He asked her, “Woman, why are you crying? Who
is it you are looking for?”
Thinking he was the gardener, she said, “Sir, if you
have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.”
16 Jesus said to her, “Mary.”
She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic,
“Rabboni!” (which means “Teacher”).
Sometimes, I lack faith. Sometimes, I lack obedience. Sometimes, I lack understanding. There was a time when I thought they all were tied
together. But of late, I have been
sorting the three out in my heart and head.
I am slowing learning to discern the difference within my own heart and
mind. The fact here seems to be that
Mary had everything in place to believe, but at this point she did not have real
understanding about the resurrection.
Yet one word, the simple speaking of her name, brought it all clear. It left Mary saying with confidence “I have
seen the Lord.”
I have been seeking a new
kind of relationship, a new kind of knowing my God and His Son. I want an ‘in your face’ ‘open to the world’
‘heart and mind’ relationship. I know it
will cost me. I know it will require
grace. But ‘YES’ I do want it. There are constantly self-induced obstacles. I am sure my enemy uses them, but they are
self-induced all the same. The guilt and
joys of the past, uncertainty of the present, fear of the unknown in the
future, pride, and preconceived ideas of God’s desire and requirement all
waylay me in the process of this resurrection I seek. And yet He is there and He speaks through my
confusion. At times it is “Turn around,”
or “Trust me,” or even “Watch what I can do.”
Sometimes, it is just my name.
“DONNA!” “Donna?” or just a soft
“Donna.”
And I’m learning to reply
“Teach me.”
