But When He speaks my name . . .

Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the entrance.  John 20:1

When you read all four gospels, you get different pictures of the event.  But reading John,  I just wonder what made Mary go early to the tomb, early, as in before daybreak.  We learn that the group of women went at dawn.  Now I’m just thinking that Mary had some things she wanted to say in private.  Often people do speak to their departed loved ones words of regret or gratitude.

I remember waking early the day of my father’s funeral and going outside.  I put music on loud enough that I could hear it outside and I went out to work on a patio I was making.  Physical work often frees my mind to think, to try to resolve.  And so that morning, I worked hard and talked to my dad for the first time since he had died.  The Bible refers to the departed saints as a great cloud of witnesses.  And so, though I knew he understood things that I would not for some time, I talked to him about struggles, about concerns, about joys.  No, I was not praying or worshiping; I was just talking.

So perhaps it is easy for me to think of Mary going to the tomb to talk to Jesus about struggles, concerns and even joys.  We don’t really know why she went so early.  We do know that when she saw that the stone was moved, she assumed that the body had been as well and she ran back to tell Peter and John who were also heading out to the tomb early.

11 Now Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus’ body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot.  They asked her, “Woman, why are you crying?”

“They have taken my Lord away,” she said, “and I don’t know where they have put him.”

14 At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.  He asked her, “Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?”

Thinking he was the gardener, she said, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.”

16 Jesus said to her, “Mary.”

She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, “Rabboni!” (which means “Teacher”).

Sometimes, I lack faith.  Sometimes, I lack obedience.  Sometimes, I lack understanding.  There was a time when I thought they all were tied together.  But of late, I have been sorting the three out in my heart and head.  I am slowing learning to discern the difference within my own heart and mind.  The fact here seems to be that Mary had everything in place to believe, but at this point she did not have real understanding about the resurrection.  Yet one word, the simple speaking of her name, brought it all clear.  It left Mary saying with confidence “I have seen the Lord.”

I have been seeking a new kind of relationship, a new kind of knowing my God and His Son.  I want an ‘in your face’ ‘open to the world’ ‘heart and mind’ relationship.  I know it will cost me.  I know it will require grace.  But ‘YES’ I do want it.  There are constantly self-induced obstacles.  I am sure my enemy uses them, but they are self-induced all the same.  The guilt and joys of the past, uncertainty of the present, fear of the unknown in the future, pride, and preconceived ideas of God’s desire and requirement all waylay me in the process of this resurrection I seek.  And yet He is there and He speaks through my confusion.  At times it is “Turn around,” or “Trust me,” or even “Watch what I can do.”  Sometimes, it is just my name.  “DONNA!”  “Donna?” or just a soft “Donna.”

And I’m learning to reply “Teach me.”