What kind of Friend?

She looked miserable: eyes averted, body language defeated. She was trying to sort through her own self-condemnation.  And so the story was constructed.

They were friends.  They encouraged, mentored, problem solved and laughed a lot.  How does that kind of friendship stop being a friendship?

She was there when her friend met ‘the one.’  She was excited and then a bit disappointed by the distance that grew between them.  She remembered when she and her husband were romancing each other.  There was very little time for anyone or anything but each other.  It made her smile and the love in their eyes was inspiring.  She was happy for her friend.  It was a quick, small but lovely wedding.

Her friend’s husband was always one break away from amazing and sharply critical of those whose break had come.  And her friend? She was just straight out amazing.  Her little job insecurities became chances for the two friends to share long conversations once more.  New exciting job opportunities for the two of them took her friend miles away, out of her immediate circle, but they kept the friendship in text and phone conversations and through social media.

Sometime in the years that passed, she began noticing a difference in her friend.  Her friend was more easily wounded –much like her husband.  Her friend was much more critical of slight differences of opinion as he had always been.  Her friend held her own counsel and confidence.  She was happy for her, and yet sad for the friendship that was becoming ever more distant.

The argument that separated them was silly.  At one time, her friend would have seen it that way and they would have laughed and all would have been right with the world.  It was more between herself and her friend’s husband and yet the we  . . . . . became ever more intruding and the words spoken were not kind on any part.  Through social media lines were drawn, many people joined the fray, sides were taken and they were on opposite ends of the spat: not enemies but no longer friends in any real sense of the word.  A bit shell shocked, she stayed out of her friends space for the next two and a half years.  When her name would pop up, a sense of sadness mixed with injustice would pop up as well.

Then one day, she saw her friend while she was out and about.  They spoke like old friends – with a tentative reserve.  Her friend looked really nice.  Her smile had life in it again- odd that she would notice that.  She wondered exactly when the light had faded from her friend’s eyes.  They talked about ‘catching up’ and her friend left in her chic outfit, well coifed hair and bouncy manner.  They went their ways and the meeting was all but forgotten.

A couple of weeks later, her friend commented on a post she made and after the fashion of their old days they bantered a bit before going on their separate way.  They had never dissolved their virtual friendship, they had just become invisible to each other after the incident years back.  But her friend seemed to want to take off the shroud, to be heard and seen again.  The image from their last encounter flashed in her mind and then a difference caught her eye.

She was startled.  Her friend’s nomenclature left off her last name-a new fad among those coming out of established relationships.  Curiously, she went to her friend’s page and found her maiden name, the relationship status ‘single.’

“How long?” she asked herself.  It wasn’t as much of a shock as it should have been.  Her main question was simply “Was I such a bad friend that I didn’t notice or care?”  Even the least offensive divorce is painful. Did her friend need a shoulder, an understanding ear during those days?  How could something like that slip under the radar when they had been such good friends?”  Suddenly she was remembering mitten held hot chocolate on cool nights and sipping cold fruit drinks through straws on the deck in hot weather.  She remembered long talks sorting through the importance of events and behaviors in the beginning days of her friend’s career.  They had shared the best and the barely endurable parts of life.  How was it possible she did not know?  What selfishness or fear was it that caused her to look away for two and a half years?

Her friend’s action in the past was no longer an issue.  She realized it hadn’t been for a long time and yet they had remained estranged and she had somehow supported that decision without question. The issue now was “What kind of friend doesn’t know that her friend went through a divorce?”