What you Know about Yourself

She was taught that her word was her bond.  She was taught that what you know about yourself is more important than what others think of you.  She was taught that integrity would pay its own dividend and that respect and honor would right a person when the world turned upside down.  She was taught to trade honestly but watch for good deals and subtle blessings as you walk through life.  She was taught to save and buy cautiously.  She was taught that sometimes having what you need meant denying what you want.  She was taught to think quickly and move slowly.

It’s odd how life moves at times.  You find out what you are made of when the unexpected comes.  She had learned her lessons at a gentle hand and in common gifts.  She had shared love and trust and her plate had always had something edible on it.  She knew both wealth and want face to face.  Her parents had brought her through struggles and abundance with stories and laughter and a kind hand toward strangers even when what you gave meant less for yourself when the supply was already meager.  They brought her to comfort and honor with a gentle innocent heart even though she had seen the depravity of man through a clean uncurtained window.  Her bed was soft and warm and the house she was raised in had good bones.

She was thrust into adulthood at an early age by an ill advised marriage and untimely motherhood.  Her children were her world.  They brought her joy while solidifying her purpose and she determined to pass on the lessons she gained at the steady gentle hand of her father to these little wonders. 

She remembered stories her grandparents and parents had told about lean days –those days when the supply was less than adequate for the honor and integrity they struggled to maintain. Yet the stories were told with a smile and a sense of humor always under-girded with a sense of inward uprightness. She considered at times that she was gleaning her own set of stories and though times could be harsh, she laughed at their simplicity and walked upright.

Across the lawn and her small garden, beyond a yard with a high fence and barely visible from her humble home sprawled an opulent estate, though it’s yard and out buildings were cluttered and poorly cared for.  The wealthy yet somewhat course woman who lived there was her landlord, the unmarried daughter of a man who owned most of the town and employed most of its people.  Behind her and across a field and well kept garden was a simple yet elegant home where an older couple who had once owned most of the land in the town and surrounding farms lived out their remaining days in humble yet dignified fashion.  They spoke with grace, smiled easily and gave generously to the needs of those around them. People of the town whispered stories of how they had been deceived and cheated by the family who controlled everything now.  It seemed odd to her that they were still honored and treated with respect though their means were considerably less but the wealthier, successful family was spoken of with disdain and sarcasm when out of earshot.

When the young woman was pregnant with her first child, life was lean. She had made maternity outfits by redesigning or ripping up some of the dresses she had made while in the comfortable, ample home of her parents.  It was an honorable challenge.  She had way more dresses than she would ever need to wear after the birth of her child anyway.  She painstakingly stitched them by hand having no sewing machine.  It was a challenge that her upbringing had fitted her for. 

The elderly woman in the well kept home came to see her one day.  She brought a piece of fabric that she said she’d had for some time and never made up.  Perhaps it would serve for a dressy maternity outfit.  She just happened to have a pattern that she bought for her daughter years ago.  She suggested that a few simple changes might make it more modern.  And she offered the use of her sewing machine.

It was with pride that the young woman used her skills to construct the dress.  The older woman smiled and nodded and commented that she was glad someone was getting use of it.  But the pattern was new and one day in a local fabric shop she saw the bolt the piece had been taken from.  Her heart was grateful and it was a nice dress that she could wear with a bit of pride.  She allowed the older woman to maintain her story and sought for little favors and kind acts that might reward her benevolence.

One day her husband came home from work and told her of a windfall.  Their landlord was selling them a large quantity of meat at a price far below what they would pay in the super market.  It was still a good bit of money and would run them short, but for what they would get, it was worth skimping on other supplies for a while.  She adjusted her menus and agreed that they would make do.  He was excited about the promise of steak, chops and roast added to their diet.  The landlord had felt bad about making them wait for needed repairs and promised upgrades and was repaying their patience with this kind favor.

When he brought the meat home, they could barely fit the butcher paper wrapped finery into their smallish freezer.  She anxiously saved out a cut of meat for the next nights supper.  When she unwrapped it she noticed it had an odd smell, was dry and the color had faded.  She’d never seen meat that looked that way, but she prepared and cooked it and served it.  Across the garden fence, she asked her aged friend about the meat.  She would learn that it was freezer burned and while it didn’t make them sick, it was not that appealing no matter what she did to try to compensate.  They talked to the landlord about it, but she insisted that it was just fine and that they were somehow ungrateful for the awesome deal she had given them. 

It was a learning experience.  There was no refund and no money for a good while to use to buy more.  She was angry; she was discouraged.  It made her heart hurt each time she thought about it.  She remembered coping stories she’d heard a hundred times from her grand parents and parents.  She remembered the humor and roll of the eyes as the stories were recalled and shared.  She didn’t really see anything to laugh about in this event.  But she did learn a valuable lesson and she gained some respect for herself as odd as that seemed.  Even after their investment was recouped and their shopping budget restored, their situation was such that they could not afford to throw it out.  A little bit of innocence leaked out her eyes and was dabbed off the end of her nose each time she prepared a meal.