How much do I hate them?

Recently a clip was shown at my church and then posted by several of my contacts that shows an obvious non-christian stating that he is not bothered by Christians who proselytize.  His hook is "If you really believe that there is a heaven and a hell and that people are really going there, why wouldn't you?  How much would you have to hate a person to not warn them?"  This statement from an defined detractor has made me think a great deal.  He says "If I see a truck coming toward you at some point I'm going to tackle you." 
But what do you do when the person looks up at you from the ground, muddy and mad, and says "I know what I'm doing. Leave me alone," and then begins the avoidance campaign.  Or better yet, the heavy 'people who think they are so holy' campaign.  When does love tackle and when does it speak parables that allow a person to go on with a good feeling smile and live as they please?
I'm an analytical/creative type.  I draw plans on 12/1 graph paper before I build.  I measure the degrees and the lengths and proceed carefully.  I gather resources and study facts and requirements.  I research pretty carefully.  I'm not a tackler.  But at what point does my omission become hatred? 
I love lists.  I make lists.  There are some interesting lists in the Bible - all through the Bible.  I love the happy lists.  Love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, kindness: things against which no law can be made.  Barns over flowing, cattle reproducing, being the head and not the tail, blessing and not cursing.  Whatsoever things are good, lovely, pure, true. . . .  I like to concentrate on these lists.  I believe that is wise and profitable.
But there are other lists in the same book, ominous lists.  If you do these things, you will not inherit eternal life.  Or the list that says anyone who does these things is blind.  Or the list that says these behaviors bring damnation. That's a little too hard.  Isn't that over the top?  Damnation?
There are people who I love who live in those lists - with resolve. How much do I have to hate them to not try to change their viewpoints and as a result, their outcome.  I'm sorry if this is a downer, but if you live immorally for the flesh, to the flesh, about the flesh, you will from the flesh reap destruction. 
I know that it's about relationship.  I know it's about grace.  I know it's about faith, but faith that doesn't change your heart and life ultimately is not faith.  That isn't my idea, I plagiarized it from the Bible.  Or shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? 
There are those who do great things who will be rejected because there is no relationship.  It's not about works, is it?  Yet there are the lists to help us keep life in perspective.  They aren't so much a group of do's and dont's as they are a thermometer, a wind gauge, and a barometer that interpret the coming storm so we know to take action.  If you are this, if you do this, if you believe this, you will live a good if somewhat troubled life and share the life to come.  If you have this character and participate in these actions, you are wrong and you're headed for destruction.
And there will always be those who look up angry and startled from the pavement and say "I had it under control. I knew what I was doing. Mind your own business."  How much you love them determines how bad that feels.  Back to parables.