Lonliness

standing like the girl at the dance
knowing your name will not be called
prince charming will not notice the extra time
and effort you put into your hair and make-up
prince charming smiles as he calls out names
prince charming raises an eyebrown
everyone knows it means nothing
but he won’t call your name
he won’t hand you an invitation to dream
writhing in the joy of receiving
writhing in the agony of separation

you paste on a smile and wait
and wait until you can go away
from this feeling of lonely rejection
noone is to blame
the only he in your life
is the slave of your sworn enemy
you don’t desire his affirmation of love
and yet . . .
standing alone in this noisy crowd
where every glance seems to say
“don’t stare; she’s got nobody”

you try to remember
what the slave looked like
what his touch felt like
what his hair smelled like after a shower
you cough and shudder
a tear wells in your eye
you ask yourself why
why did I choose this path, this place
why did I choose a man I can’t admire
a man I can’t befriend
or remember

there will be other dances
someday you may be queen
but for tonight
you stand and wait alone
and hide the tears
until you can cry alone


The picture is of my daughter and her son shortly after his 10th birthday.