I need to keep the weight off.
I will fast weekly.
I need to start an exercise routine.
I need to tie loose ends together on various projects.
I need to find a way to finish the house.
I need to renew my dedication to steady spiritual growth.
I will use up the excess or give it away.
I will become healthier and stronger so I can be a blessing instead of a burden.
I will hike a portion of the OHT.
I will renew my relationship to the lake.
The list goes on. -And on.
But when I considered making New Year's Resolutions, I only made one. I will find joy in my life and family. I will not waste one more day in anger, disappointment and self absorbed recollection.
I will take joy in the thought that a person wanted to spend time with me instead of hurt that they broke a promise. What is that anyway? Life is life. I will not make excuses. I may call them on it at times, but I will not waste a moment in regret. If it's not worth the confrontation, it's not worth brooding over. And then when the necessary confrontation has ended, it will be over. I will try not to cause anger and I will refuse to harbor it.
I'm not - simply not letting it go on in my heart and mind any longer. I want to be a happy old woman some day. Okay, I'm already old. I want to be a happy old woman. I don't need to impress, but to serve is a good thing. I've made jokes about being 'even more amazing' but if I am amazing at all, I want it to be because I am kind and good natured in the long haul. Notice I didn't say 'sweet.' I am me after all.
I've already had to confront it. A person did something very wrong to me. If I were to tell it, you would agree that I have the 'right' to be mad. I dumped it on my husband last night, he agreed and was saddened. Then I thought, "That's enough, Donna." I will make a call and clear the air. Then it will be over - on my part. I've decided that if I continue to tuck it into a soft spot and brood over it, there will never be an end to offences. My internal enemy will be sure I have abundant and constant opportunities for distress. But the joy of the Lord is my strength and I'm tired of being weak. I'm unpacking the garment of praise and putting it on. Call me a fool if you like. If someone spills life or throws up on my precious garment, I shall wash it and put it right back on.
I may be considered foolish, uncaring, phoney, or down right crazy, but I'm done with the twisted heart thing. If anyone twists my heart, I hope they only get love and laughter. I shall pray for those in distress. It's all I have to offer anyway. I will listen when I can, but I will not carry the burden myself. I shall dump it at the feet of the only one who can sort it out, and dance away. My call is to intercession, not to brooding.
It is a big resolution. I am so earthbound that it may be a nearly impossible resolution, but it is my resolution and I will have to bear it with faith in one much stronger and wiser than myself.
Blessings, friends. Happy 2012 and if it all ends on December 21st may we have spent the year in joy and service.
And no, I'm not thinking it ends on December 21. That was a little humor at the end of my very serious blog!
ReplyDeleteHope can do some of this my self want to be remember as some one who loved an served God not a mean old fart.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if it is our age,or attitude of heart, I too have struggled with these same issues over the past year. In November I decided to work at letting the things I cannot change myself go. I can pray about it, speak to that person who intentionally frustrated me, and then leave it lay not pick it up again and again. As you stated it only hurts us and those around us when we mull it over and over in our minds and with those who we know love us and want to protect us. I don't have the power to change others, only the will to change myself with God's strength and help. He is the one I turn to when things go wrong, He is the one who can right each wrong. No resolution to be stated, just the desire to better serve Him and lead others to the one who can and will love and help them if they only believe.
ReplyDeleteLove you Donna ! Thanks for sharing your heart and desire.
I may have to journal it to keep the progress up!! LOL. It may not be a bad idea. I will see myself. I already had a snaffu, but God is good and I will let it go. Some things just hurt -period. Wish I had someone besides Louis to bang over the head with it. He's patient with me - or maybe he's just learned to ignore me!!
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