Thursday, May 10, 2012
Tuesday
Tuesday was a sweet busy day with my phone buzzing every so often all day long with "Happy Birthday" texts. I got over 50 wishes. I was tickled. I am a blessed person and want to relish the blessing of the day and not the curse of the past. Yesterday was the anniversary of my accident. In the past, it has brought a feeling of foreboding and remnants of sorrow and loss. But this year, it was acknowledged but had no sway on my mood or thoughts. My life is busy. My mind is captured with the present tasks which would be too much for this old body in the norm of things, but then I find strength outside the norm. I am blessed. God is prying the past from my weakening fingers and teaching me to live with the joy of the present anyway! I hope you are blessed this day.
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2 clarifications. May 9 has always caused me to be depressed. I think this morning I realized it had little to do with the accident and much more to do with the surroundings of the accident. Tuesdays release may very well be a part of that lack of depression this year. . . . . . . . Tuesday morning early I had a bad -not scary- just bad dream and I got up and got busy. My husband went to work without any acknowledgement that it was my birthday. I was planning the menu and writing the invitations to my pity party when God stopped me in my tracks and said "As a child you were judged and punished for your personality and developmental stage." I saw myself in that light: the ever active, ever fidgety, ever noisy child. No one but my dad appreciated that. I thought of the abuse and neglect that led to abuse and God said "And you've been judging and trying to punish others since then." It was a revelation. I have struggled with my judgmental temperament. I've prayed about my feelings of constant injury and I've been given several instructions for overcoming the effect in my life. But suddenly, I began to understand how I had internalized and assimilated that wrong. I asked God to remind me of that moment when I began to take up an offense. It has been an amazing release these past two days.
ReplyDeletemy heart is smiling for your freedom...
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