Going from 13 to 14

I found the following posts from last year.

          Dec.31.2012 I got to thinking how God works in ways we don't ever understand and frequently don't like and yet he is so right and he makes all things right. God is good; he is powerful; he is right. He's got this.

So 2013, bring it on. You look scary. You look defeating. But no matter how I kick and scream, my God will be there with me doing his work. And those who can see will say 'Wow!'

Jan.3.2013 My new years resolutions:

1. I will never botox my lips. I shall age gracefully or not, but no puffy lips that hang over each other obnoxiously.

2. I will not become overbearing and insulting with my new years resolutions. Okay so I already had to delete most of my list: ugly little comments about the like button, excessive egotism and such. Sigh.

3. I will do something fun and unexpected each day.

4. I will create something each day, or at least add to something creative each day.

5. I will complete one unfinished project each week until I'm all caught up.

I think I'll stop there, before I make enemies of people I really do like.

In retrospect, it was a self-assuming list.  Well I kept resolution 1 and the more I read about botox, the more I believe I will keep that for the rest of my life. 

Resolution 2 was one of those time locked resolutions, yet I really have been working on the concept there. 

Resolution 3 in retrospect was partially fulfilled.  But the unexpected in my last year could seldom be labeled fun.  Yet, fun often caught me by surprise.

Resolution 4 is a work in progress, though I probably did more new creative things this past year than I have in a long time.  Yet to say every day had a creative involvement is a stretch.  Sometimes the creativity was in how I could possibly fix what I had screwed up!

Resolution 5 is really two resolutions and neither had great success.  ‘Complete’ seems to by the undoing word here.  All caught up? Not remotely.

The last statement was probably the one I concentrated most on and had some personal success with in the last year.  Though it was not stated as a resolution, I often found myself making an effort to ‘stop before I made enemies of people I like.’  It was not a total success for sure, but I see progress in curbing words and reactions before they caused irreparable damage.

Was 2013 scary?  It really was in many ways.  My mom’s life was completely altered.  My world is in upheaval.  My children’s worlds were threatened from within and without.  My son in law battles cancer still.  Several family members lost and regained and lost and regained employment, creating stress and emotional upheaval.  Relationships have been cemented and dissolved.  I’ve cried and I’ve laughed.  I’ve prayed and I’ve learned to trust God and doubt myself.

I’ve made new friends.  I’ve reestablished some old friendships.  I’ve watched my friends go through unthinkable circumstances.  I’ve been shown both incredible kindness and extreme disrespect.  My heart has been clamped and my gut twisted many times.  But I‘ve learned to not call the circumstances or to assume their end result.  I’ve learned to trust and wait for the next thing.

I faced my own ghosts and tormenters and often spread myself so thin that I almost didn’t walk away and I certainly didn’t walk away unscathed.  People have failed me and I have failed people.  God has never failed or walked away.  And for those of you who don’t understand or believe that statement, I’m sorry for you. 

I’m sorry for you now because you have cut off the one true resource that will never fail or wear out.  And I’m sorry for you because I’d truly like to share my eternity with those I love here.  You may think me arrogant to assume on your need or future, but I know who and what I have trusted and I’ve learned this year more strongly than ever before what that means.  I have been loved for that and hated for that and yet it is who I am becoming more and more.  

Trust and obedience –which is simply an active form of trust- are changing me.  These create both tension and resolve.  They have been admired and misunderstood.  I have much to gain, much to change, much to live for.

So this year’s resolution is only one and yet it is a mile deep.  I want to hear God’s voice, I want to obey God’s voice, I want to trust God’s goodness, and I want to glorify Jesus Christ in my being and doing.  I want to answer the critics in faith and wisdom without being assuaged in my resolve.  I want to face my own failure with faith, humility and resilience without being derailed by criticism or sympathy.

I’m supposing I will work and play, laugh and cry, fail and succeed as I am accustomed to do, but if I can keep this resolution, 2014 will be the greatest year imaginable regardless of my accomplishment, affiliation or acquisition.  God’s got this.  Let’s do it!