The Problem of Disrespect

The Problem of Disrespect

My father was my hero.  His mother was his.  But he always said his dad only taught him 3 things:  how to fight, how to drink and how to cuss.  He said they could share a dirty story, but his father never taught him about God or morals.  As I see it my father hunted for reasons to respect my grandfather but came up short most of the time.  And yet, for all his doubt, my father never spoke of his dad in a demeaning manner other than the small, sad references above.  I’ve come to believe those revealed an ache of the heart, rather than disrespect for his father.

But recent events have made me ask “What happens when a nation of people feel they have good cause to disrespect their parents?”  Disrespect procreates within the person and then within the society.  Compliance and even emulation are not respect.  Children may learn to obey and even try to be like ‘mom or dad’ without ever learning to honor their parents.  And in a generation, the roll models come from outside the family.  That lack of respect is then permeated throughout the societal structure around them.

We excuse ourselves for the disrespect.  We make off-hand jokes about the habits and values of the previous generation.  Some of us cannot even remember the first time we made unkind or unseemly comments about our parents.  We believe our parent or parents are not worthy of our honor and respect.  From an earthly viewpoint, it may seem justified, but not from a heavenly or eternal viewpoint. 

In a world of broken relationships and divided parents, children are often encouraged to disrespect the ‘other’ parent.  Bad humor and slights teach the children how to behave toward both parents, even if it is coming from only one side, which is rare. Television and movies have aided the problem by encouraging derision and disdain for the values and habits of the past generations. That is a disservice to our children, ourselves and our country. 

Noah was a man of faith.  He saved his family from destruction.  But in the end, he was a gardener.  He planted a vineyard, made wine and got out of his mind drunk.  His youngest son went in the tent and saw him there: passed out naked.  The inference is that Ham did more that just say “Dad’s passed out naked in the tent” when he told his brothers about it.  So the brothers, not wanting to see their father’s nakedness put something over their shoulders, walked in backwards and covered him up.

Ignoring the “Yyyeeewww!” factor here, the desire seemed to be to honor and defend their father’s dignity in spite of his state or his mistake.  It was not Ham who received the brunt of the retaliation, but his son Canaan.  I’ve always thought that to be misplaced until of late.  I’m beginning to see a principle that when children observe or hear disrespect come from their parents, they will not only have disrespect for the target, but for the parent as well.  In short time, a society can lose its entire concept of respect.   Noah’s words may have been more prophecy than curse, for disrespect breeds disrespect and dishonor breeds dishonor.

There can be an attitude of caring and generosity amid this climate of disrespect.  It becomes a very confusing and somewhat disturbing atmosphere.  We forget how to respect others that we truly care about.  Everyone and everything is valued, but nothing is honored.  Everything has credence, yet everything is suspect.  Even super stars, though valued to a point of near worship, are expected to have flaws.  If fact we relish their weaknesses.  And they fall from their pedestals so easily as the next big thing comes along.

There is the argument that “they did not deserve my respect” or that “I’ll show respect for them when they show respect for me.”  These are mazes with no solution and must be abandoned to effect repair.

I heard a woman state that “God told me I have to respect my father as unto God- no matter what he did.”  But truly, that was not working for her.  Or perhaps the breakdown of respect for her father extended to her heavenly Father as well.  You cannot have both respect and animosity in your heart toward a person.  If you are led to believe that God is responsible for that person’s bad qualities, no matter how you arrived at that conclusion, your respect for God is compromised and deciding you will respect the person for God’s sake does no good.

So I’ve begun asking myself “How can a person, a family, or a society in this age of bad behavior and abuse get back to a place of honor, trust, and respect?”  I see no easy answer to the dilemma, for it would seem that to build the bridge to disrespect we pull up the rungs of honor from behind us.  Besides, it is easier to go downhill than to climb out.

First, we must truly understand honor and seek to be people of honor.  Maybe a word is just a word, but bad abusive language doesn’t make you cooler or stronger, it just degrades a person and the society.  Learn first to control your speech and elevate yourself by honor.  Then learn to represent yourself as a person of honor in behavior and appearance.  Presentation not only affects the people around you, it has an affect on your attitude toward yourself.  Knowing that you are a person of honor is greater than knowing you are valued by others because the value people place on you will change even if you serve it faithfully. 

As we elevate ourselves to be people of honor, we will understand better how to show honor to others and how to value showing honor for our own sake even when others do not return it.  We all need grace for those times when we are caught with mud on our faces.  But let the mud be a surprise to others not the norm and the grace will most likely be given. Yet understand that lying down in the mud is not the same thing.  That takes some time to get out of the mind and estimation of the witnesses.

It is a mindset.  We can say “I will do this because it is right,” even when right is counter-culture.  When you set a tone of personal respect, it may be regarded as odd, but will be seen as respect by others.  Some will pick it up.  Some will not.  If we are consistent, our children may begin to pick it up.  Derision for the elderly –especially elderly relatives is picked up.  I believe honor and refusal to join the derision will be noticed as well when it is a consistent life goal.

One day you will grow old, your steps will not be as sure, and your ways will not be modern.  You will want to be honored for your contributions and strengths not derided for your losses.  Show your children how it is done while you still can.  And if they doubt or stray, take time to explain it to them.