On Monday night I attended an artist's forum in our sister city (The little sister). The moderator of the forum is an accomplished artist/designer who started the group to encourage development and interaction in the art community. The program was about having a competitive spirit in the arts and how destructive it is. It's the difference between pitting our work against our best or against someone else's work. It's the issue of doing it to satisfy an inner stir as opposed to trying to get a piece of the action.
The reading would have been wonderful if he had not asked me to read it. My eye and my mouth don't always work together on a totally new read. And wouldn't you know it, I was in great need of the whole article. I was trying to read, process and react all at the same time. You see, just that afternoon a person called me asking about getting some advice and maybe some supplies from me to teach a class that could limit my own load. Operative term - could. So petty, but I found myself tied to a frustration I abhorred. My core philosophy was being called into scrutiny. I say I believe that the people who come through my studio are both a gift and a responsibility. How quickly I can let the money and reputation (what reputation) replace my lofty words, let alone my love for this one I have mentored over the past several years.
Luckily the feeling left as quickly as it came. The following is a poem I began writing and have completed in stages over several months.
Progress?
Poems songs and pictures
Dances in the night
Honest questions asked in tears
Arguments for right
Stumbling feet and tongue
Clumsy heart and hands
Ceaseless efforts to achieve
What I think life demands
Wars of faith and fear
Helplessness ingrained
heart and mind surrendering
what hope and love sustained
Love has kept me bound
Love has set me free
Pain and hope at last reveal
the “Yes” and “No” in me.
DW 2007
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