My history and origins are now in doubt. It makes me a little queasy. The issue is: what to do with all the stories and bad information I grew up believing. The accessibility of information has now erased huge chunks of viability from my memory. I'm not sure if it matters or not. I'm not one of those creative people who can just say "Hey I am royalty." "Hey, I was an indian princess." "Hey I am a daugter of the revolution." I need something a little more substantial.
We were a family of story tellers. My dad was a story teller. My mom was and is a story teller. My father's parents were story tellers. I grew up on stories of the opening of the Oklahoma territory, and the deportation of the jews and the immigration of the Welsh common people. I grew up on stories of infidelity and abuse and great honor and funny occurrences. They are part of my mental legacy. But recently I learned that my father's stories of his brother coming home from the war when he was a small child and carrying him about on his tall shoulders for days and then going away to die in the conflict we call World War I was some kind of fabricated impossibility. He would have been a young teen when the war ended according to the fastidious collections of public documents.
My father lied to me. My grandmother lied to me. Why would they do that??! Why would my grandfather fake an accent all his life when he was born and raised on American soil? Why would he tell me stories that could eventually be proven lies? Was it just because he didn't understand how wise and knowledgeable people would become in my lifetime? Or was the story so good that it's veracity makes no difference.
Some call to inform me of my error, some call to supply themself with greater understanding and then walk away saying "That was useless, for sure." I stand and say, "What do I do with my heritage now that you have amassed your tub of resources against it?" I am troubled.
Do I now discard a lifetime of the same stories built on similar stories that fabricated my sense of who I am? I'm sure if I hunt through the 'historical documents' I will find the same information you did. But what do I then do with my mind full of errant facts provided time and again by people I trusted?
I have not yet decided what I will do. It's like I'm coming upon a cosmic age of accountability. Shall I walk in light or live in fantasy. My heart is saddened by the whole thing. I've lost my love for story telling for now.
I think in the telling and retelling of stories, timelines gets blurred. I have been a bit guilty of that myself, embellishing the ordinary and obscuring the dishonorable to the point I couldn’t tell the tale accurately.
ReplyDeleteAn example is lately I have been writing about my experiences in the high deserts during the 60’s and 70’s. What I don’t tell is my humiliating failure as a father and a husband that was going on at the same time. Curiously, my character and frame of mind are very accurately portrayed, but the timeline is buried in antiquity.
I know that during the Civil War, it was common to change ones story of serving depending upon whom you were with. Battle accounts seem somewhat accurate, but commanders they served under were exaggerated.
My mother’s side of the family had that Scotch Irish habit from Arkansas using a silent “r” clear up thru the 1950’s even though they were several generations from those roots.
All history is subject to falsehoods, exaggerations and is often told with a particular viewpoint. Just recently many historians took a different view concerning the dropping of the bomb in Japan. People rose up in ire because there recollection were far different that the reconstructed history of the historians. Who was right? Who knows? Nevertheless, we do know that a bomb was dropped, and who carried it.
In time, these omissions and exaggerations become woven into the fabric of family lore. But I don’t think that the mere changing of events is takes away from the important things like their character. There is no point in throwing it all out because of a few falsehoods. It still is the family history and is best told by you.
I found this resonant. I've been studying my own family tree for about a year and a half - and during the process have identified both outright lies told by family members and truths none of us knew that are absolutely fascinating.
ReplyDeleteMy dad's line were all storytellers and in both sides there are streaks of brutality. Perhaps the lies are constructed to put a sheen on the dull edges. What I try to do is look a the the untruths in context - compared to the truth - and just put them both out there. My entire goal of studying my family history is restorative. The lies have fractured us - and I believe that the truth even when awkward will illuminate the "why" some of the family lied. I"m going to go pull a quote off my family history website and bring it back to you. It blessed my aching soul...
see, I can see somethings this way. But these are specific details told over and over by two people I really trusted. They lied or they didn't. It's that plain. Either my grandmother married at 13 and had 3 children by a man who was an abusive, unfaithful alcoholic or she didn't. Why say I married at 13 and had my first child at 14 if it's not true. This was a woman of great integrity. Why say my brother came home from the war in his uniform and carried me about for several days and that's my only memory of him when he was too young to have even served in the war. My father was a very honest man after his conversion. It is hard for me to reconcile. I am a very black and white person. I'm having trouble with both people telling lies that make no sense.
ReplyDeleteOur inheritance is not limited to what is handed down to us genetically from our ancestors. Our inheritance can be what Christ provided for us if we believe the Word and expect it to work.
ReplyDelete- Peggy Joyce Ruth
since you are a gifted, creative person - my heart tells me to encourage you to write the stories as you were given them - even though they are fictional. And then write the truth as you find it.
In my case, when I was in my late twenties, married with a young son - and my dad was finally sober - my mom got in contact with the man she dated before my dad. She brought that man out to live with my parents for six months. She then divorced my dad and contacted every relative she could - and the friends she had and told them that this man was my biological father. I effectively "lost" my identity. My dad is now dead, and my mom refuses to back off of this other guy (she married him) being my dad. In other cases I know my mom has told whopping lies but this one - is damaging to my soul. My only recourse is to put it all out on the table and I believe eventually not only the truth will be illuminated but the reason for the lie will be illuminated in the process. I can't make my mom love me - but I will choose to love her. I choose to speak the truth in love about my family - all of it. and recounting the stories is part of that process. In my mom's case its very deep. She has congenital birth defects. She had a sister born before wwII and she was born after wwII. Her dad came back from the war and wanted to move to England and a girlfriend there. My grandma refused to divorce him. My grandpa took it out on my mom, swearing that she was not his child. My grandfather was also damaged. His father divorced his mother when he was only a year old. and there is talk that he is the product of his mother and her brother. If that is the case and my mom had birth defects...the truth is my family is a mess in spots - but I still love them.
D, its SO hard. Hear my heart. It makes you ACHE. But I believe that you have this light with in you and you will reconcile this in your soul. And you will be amazed at the blessing you become to your family in the process. I hope that makes sense.
My younger child is very black and white. I consider it a very good thing. He does not waiver. I admire that in a person. (I'm a waffle. A weanie.)
I don't believe they were fictional...who is to say the "historians" per say got it wrong....write things down as you know them to be truth....did the historian's live the lives you are talking about? I think not.
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