In a week. . .

I watched a van pull away with my sweetie and a few friends.  This is the longest I will have stayed all by my me.  Louis used to be gone for a couple of weeks at a time with his job, but I had people in my world.  Today I enter an unknown realm.  It should be a productive time in the physical and spiritual, but that will be seen in a week.  I have no doubt that it will be productive for him and the others.
My life is one of self-designed challenge right now.  The hills I face are my own.  Very real, very grueling, very solitary.  The processing of why's and when's and what comes next are accompanied by a realization that the physical windows of life have a time span.  Change -a garden, a cart, a stand, cabinet doors, physical well being- belongs only to today.  I used to tell my daughter that she would never be what she was not becoming.  Now that axiom has turned about to face me head on.  For every action there truly is an equal and opposite reaction.  It's more than just a law of physics.  It is a law of life.  You want to indulge in that extra slice of bread or serving of pasta?  You want to suffer pain and disability?  You want to mindlessly consume a half pound of sugar heart mints with sayings on them?  You want to forfeit sleep to joint discomfort and kidney problems?  You want to work on concrete without gloves and a mask?  You want to have problems with breathing and sore fingers?  You want to just get it done without resting?  You want to be unable to work for a day or maybe two?  And so I search for the juste milieu.
I search for equilibrium in my inward quests as well.  Life certainly did not turn out the way I expected.  But there wasn't any real backing for what I expected.  The problem with books and movies and tv dramas is they can go however the person who created them wishes.  Wasn't that nice?  But life doesn't always give your child a heart transplant after you risk it all.  People don't always act like self centered-jerks, see the light and get 'happily ever after' for everyone involved.  We can receive grace and forgiveness, but we live with our choices in spite of the grace and forgiveness.  Sometimes we don't know to call on grace and forgiveness until years have passed and damage has accrued.  I am writing the story as I live it.  That knowledge is exciting, but scary.  It's not that I wish I could live it over, I just wish I had understood when I lived it the first time.
I have processed much of life in the past 6 months.  What will a week bring forth?  We shall see.  I'm supposing it will deliver according to my choices physically, emotionally and spiritually.  What will I miss?  What will I discover?  To what will I succomb?  A week is a short step in eternity; how much can I expect to change.  I guess it's not really 'how much' but 'can I expect to change' that will make the difference in a week.