Last
week I got slammed publicly. It was done in front of people who
should have stepped in and supported me but they did not. In my late
60s, a time when I should be respected for good choices, for kind
acts, for trying to encourage, help, and serve others, I was treated
like a delinquent teenager who was defying rules that had never been
spoken.
For a week I have struggled with it. I don't need to name names or give specifics. Suffice it to say that it was a very unkind and inappropriate act. The problem with it is it's been done to other people I care about. It's been done to good people who gave as much or more than I have given and were as unprepared to deal with it as I was. And it left deep wounds behind. I have tried to encourage those people in the past and help them find grace in their time of need. So it hit me doubly strong and I could not get over it.
The injuries that make no sense are the hardest injuries to get past- like the car wreck I did not see coming. I had done nothing to cause it, nor could I prevent it, and yet I was left wounded and disabled. This act has left me paralyzed in the spirit and hampered in the flesh for a long busy week.
Today I came with another cry for help. That cry has come out many times in the past week, because I don't like being that person and I don't want bitterness to grab hold of my life. Yet this morning was a little different. In my memories on Facebook-imagine that, were several instances of grace and healing. And the words "I choose forgiveness and grace" jumped out at me.
There were also strong reminders that God is there in my failures, in my successes, in my dark times, in my happiness. He has been my God and will be tomorrow and the next day and the next day into eternity. This exists because Jesus said "it's finished" on the cross.
No person has the right to determine my relationship with God. No action has the right to separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus. Jesus is there regardless of what anyone else does. Forgiveness and grace are mine to choose as much as it was the choice of others to wound. What others do with their heart and words is between them and God.
I must choose forgiveness and grace to walk in mercy and joy. Before my God and any I have involved, today I choose grace. Today I choose mercy. Today I choose forgiveness.
For a week I have struggled with it. I don't need to name names or give specifics. Suffice it to say that it was a very unkind and inappropriate act. The problem with it is it's been done to other people I care about. It's been done to good people who gave as much or more than I have given and were as unprepared to deal with it as I was. And it left deep wounds behind. I have tried to encourage those people in the past and help them find grace in their time of need. So it hit me doubly strong and I could not get over it.
The injuries that make no sense are the hardest injuries to get past- like the car wreck I did not see coming. I had done nothing to cause it, nor could I prevent it, and yet I was left wounded and disabled. This act has left me paralyzed in the spirit and hampered in the flesh for a long busy week.
Today I came with another cry for help. That cry has come out many times in the past week, because I don't like being that person and I don't want bitterness to grab hold of my life. Yet this morning was a little different. In my memories on Facebook-imagine that, were several instances of grace and healing. And the words "I choose forgiveness and grace" jumped out at me.
There were also strong reminders that God is there in my failures, in my successes, in my dark times, in my happiness. He has been my God and will be tomorrow and the next day and the next day into eternity. This exists because Jesus said "it's finished" on the cross.
No person has the right to determine my relationship with God. No action has the right to separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus. Jesus is there regardless of what anyone else does. Forgiveness and grace are mine to choose as much as it was the choice of others to wound. What others do with their heart and words is between them and God.
I must choose forgiveness and grace to walk in mercy and joy. Before my God and any I have involved, today I choose grace. Today I choose mercy. Today I choose forgiveness.
I have long felt that one cannot nail themselves to the cross. It take a little help from their friends to get all the nails in.
ReplyDeleteA totally appropriate thought.
ReplyDeleteAs always Donna, you remain my inspiration~! Sorry for your suffering, Love & Huggs :-) Tears, Passion, In Yeshua ~anthony, Olam Convocation of Ministries~Friend of The Bridegroom
ReplyDeleteI am not excusing what was done. That is not my place or power. By I have released it and I'm not excusing the time it has taken me to do that before my father and others. Thank you for your precious friendship.
Delete