“Do
not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what
is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it
may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29).
My niece posted this verse recently and looking at it again this morning, my mind was stirred. There was a time when I thought of unwholesome talk in a whole different way than I do now. It was the letter of the law. But this morning I considered the part that says "what is helpful for building up others according to their needs." It speaks of being a benefit to others in our speech. I have to admit that I have always used this verse more as a club than as a cane.
In myself, I am beginning to see negativism as very unwholesome. I know that's just where God is taking me and I don't mean it as a condemnation of anyone else. It may not be what God is concentrating on in any other person's life. But I have had to realize that I am so not geared to building others up according to their need. First, I have to take time to know the need. We make so many assumptions, but do we know the need of the heart and spirit? For that, we must spend time with the maker of the heart and spirit.
I know many who are, and I have been, personally, guilty of abrasive, destructive words in the name of “helping” others toward godly living. But in scripture, I see that that's really the job of the Holy Spirit. Sometimes he does lay a word of correction in our spirit, but it will always concentrate on grace and redemption. We should not fire random words of tough love. That is as unwholesome as cursing and filthy speech.
My niece posted this verse recently and looking at it again this morning, my mind was stirred. There was a time when I thought of unwholesome talk in a whole different way than I do now. It was the letter of the law. But this morning I considered the part that says "what is helpful for building up others according to their needs." It speaks of being a benefit to others in our speech. I have to admit that I have always used this verse more as a club than as a cane.
In myself, I am beginning to see negativism as very unwholesome. I know that's just where God is taking me and I don't mean it as a condemnation of anyone else. It may not be what God is concentrating on in any other person's life. But I have had to realize that I am so not geared to building others up according to their need. First, I have to take time to know the need. We make so many assumptions, but do we know the need of the heart and spirit? For that, we must spend time with the maker of the heart and spirit.
I know many who are, and I have been, personally, guilty of abrasive, destructive words in the name of “helping” others toward godly living. But in scripture, I see that that's really the job of the Holy Spirit. Sometimes he does lay a word of correction in our spirit, but it will always concentrate on grace and redemption. We should not fire random words of tough love. That is as unwholesome as cursing and filthy speech.
Often
I speak “in love” what is important to me, my opinion or my
latest revelation. Sometimes I should. Sometimes that's not what
others need. I am simply satisfying my own need. How do I know the
difference if I'm not in tune with the Holy Spirit, who knows and
understands all needs of all mankind?
Jesus
taught us to love others as we love ourselves. The world, and
sometimes the church, is teaching us to love ourselves so we know how
to love others. I'm beginning to feel that this is just the other
side of the same selfish coin. It is the world's coin. In spite of
esteem issues and self pressure, we know how to love ourselves. And
if we truly do not, the remedy lies in looking at the love of God through Christ,
not trying to increase our love toward ourselves. We will learn more
from acknowledging how much he loves us than by concentrating on self
love. I do believe we are unfit for true service until we recognize
his love. Recognizing how much he forgives us is more important than
learning to forgive ourselves. Becoming egocentric Christians for
the sake of benevolence is a sad testimony to God's love and grace,
just as greedy grasping of earthly things is a sad testimony to the
abundance of God's provision.
I can show benevolence to other people without the love of God in my heart and it really doesn't accomplish anything for me or them. But if I will look at the love and grace Christ has for me, I will love him, according to his own words. In that stance, because he then is in me loving the world, the issues are moot.
So perhaps any inability to concentrate our words on other people's needs to be built up will be best remedied by bringing our focus back on what Jesus did for us so that we may know how to really love the world. "Looking to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith." I think that will take care of most of the rest of the problems.
I can show benevolence to other people without the love of God in my heart and it really doesn't accomplish anything for me or them. But if I will look at the love and grace Christ has for me, I will love him, according to his own words. In that stance, because he then is in me loving the world, the issues are moot.
So perhaps any inability to concentrate our words on other people's needs to be built up will be best remedied by bringing our focus back on what Jesus did for us so that we may know how to really love the world. "Looking to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith." I think that will take care of most of the rest of the problems.
I am not the same person I was a year ago, but I fight the same battles inside and out. My growth cannot be attributed to tough love by any measure, though I imagine there are some for whom it might be effective. My challenges, however, come from feelings of abandonment, rejection or hopelessness. The need to feel safe and secure, to possess some level of human dignity, despite my shortcomings ... These needs have never been met through condemnation or harsh words. When they are intended to reflect the mind and heart of God, especially amid circumstances for which I feel desperate or helpless, then I am left in conflict and unable to see God as the Father to whom I can turn. Today, I am no more sure-footed than when I fell into despair, but I think that I am a bit more accepting of this for the moment. I met a woman who was once an addict. She began to bash believers. I told her that I am a believer, but I sympathise with what she is feeling. She muttered that she used to believe until her brother died of an overdose. I nodded. I would have given her some pearl of righteous wisdom from my own broken heart, but brokenness doesn't care about wisdom, it needs healing and nurturing, and if God did not speak through me in that moment, then I have no right to speak on His behalf. So, I remembered when and tried to be a friend ... because we do not know if that opportunity will arise or when, and sometimes it's not the words we speak, but the willingness to love that makes a difference.
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