The Beginning and End of All Things

The Bible says “Chance and circumstance happen to all mankind.” Paul said “I know how to be in want and how to abound.” I'm assuming he also knew how to handle those days that he just had to get through to get to the next thing and get on with his life and ministry. There are those who deny these very principles. That's okay. Life for them may be different than it is for me. Jesus said to Peter “What's that to you? Follow me.”

I'm a fixer and I always seem to be watching out for things that need fixed. Of course, in my economy, all things need fixed now. But God is not impressed. If I can fix it now -or at all- then I think he's okay with that. The truth is, most of the stuff of life I cannot fix -not now, not ever. I haven't always had that persuasion.

One of the greatest challenges in learning to rest is realizing I am not responsible for every person and thing that moves through my life. I'm really not. By giving God both the credit and responsibility for any change or accomplishment, I am much more likely to trust him with what I can and should do. I can listen more and plan less. I don't have to guard every word and move to be sure it has just the right effect. I've learned that is a very humanistic approach. When things go sour as they often will, we carry guilt or misgivings or both when we believe we are ultimately responsible and good is not accomplished where God said “All things work together for good to those who love God and are called to and for his purpose.” Yet redemption is God's work and pleasure.

I love the beginnings. The beginning of a painting or a venture, the beginning of a renovation, the beginning of a relationship -friend or family. I'm not much on the end of all things, though it was a great line in Lord of the Rings.

The end of a renovation is where most edges get neglected. The finish of a painting has to be considered carefully or it will be considered critically through time. The end of relationships is even harder. I don't want to lose one student or friend or family member. I hate the change from close to distant, from loving to detached, from active to inactive. I hate death; I despise separation; I loathe disagreement. These are all facts of life and are really seldom my fault.

Recently I was reminded -perhaps by God himself- of the story of Vincent VanGogh and Gauguin. They became friends. They had much in common and were going to start their own academy. They shared a flat in Paris. But things changed. Vincent could not let go. Gauguin slipped out with his stuff while Vincent was gone. Vincent tracked him down and they had a rather noisy separation that ended with Gauguin leaving town and Vincent cutting off his ear. Intense!

Do I trust God with the departures in my life? I can't say that I do initially. Sometimes it's that I fear the dissolution of a relationship before it occurs. Perhaps if Vincent had smiled -even if his dreams were being crushed, even if the loneliness and insecurities were looming large- the door would have been maintained instead of slammed shut. Sometimes people need the dignity of a choice to be what they will be and with that freedom, the blessing of significant people in their lives allows good memories to stay in their hearts and minds for the days and years ahead.

I think in the long run, I do trust God with it after the inward writhing and mental regurgitation has run it's course. I always want to take responsibility for it and do something to fix it quickly. I've never cut off my ear, but I've done things that were just as silly, pointless and even harmful. Then when I sit alone in my space, my heart bleeding on the floor, I turn it over to God for healing and wisdom. Jesus healed the soldier's ear. But it was Peter who cut it off not the soldier himself.

I've often wondered how hard it was for Jesus to leave his disciples behind when he went back to the Father. They had walked so closely. He worked, laughed, ate, slept and taught with them. He talked to them and tried to prepare them for what was coming both before and after his death and resurrection. But they couldn't really understand. It was a totally new thing. They would learn in the living and waiting and doing. They would learn to rest in him while the stuff of life was going on through them, around them and in them. God is patient and promises patience through his Spirit.

God promises to never forsake us and he gave us the Holy Spirit to get us through it all -the good and bad, the easy and hard, the beginning and end of all things. Sometimes it's hard to understand.